Defeat Me With Your Goodness

I like blogging. I like writing out my thoughts and going back and seeing where I have been and where God is taking me. Better yet, I like reading blogs. I currently have about 50 subscriptions to other people's blogs. Mostly people I know but some I do not know but like reading what they have to say. I wish I could explore more and read more of what people have to say.

I have recently been reading Donald Miller's blog a lot (as you can tell from a couple of my older posts) and was really touched by one of his recent posts. The post itself wasn't terribly profound and no it didn't bring me to tears (as many things often do...), but there was one phrase that just grabbed my attention and made me think. "God, defeat me with Your Goodness!" I am not sure what exactly I like about this phrase. It might just be that I really feel like I have been and continue to be defeated my God's goodness. A couple months ago, I opened myself up to God and His plan for my life and told Him to take control. And lately I have been so overwhelmed by His goodness and His plan that I have felt defeated. Not defeated like I want to give up but defeated like I want Him to pump the breaks a little and slow down a little.

The post is pretty short and I definitely recommend reading it if you have time, but if you don't, I think the last paragraph wraps it all up nicely:

"So here we are, temporary beings, with little to do but navigate our days in truth and humility. Perhaps it not the bigness of our personalities, but our smallness, our selves being defeated that will change the little bit of world God has appointed to us for caretaking. We connect with God when we ask Him to defeat in us all the ways in which He cannot connect, all the untruth and games and manipulation and we come to Him finally saying, okay, I get it, you really are good, defeat in me the lack of faith, let your goodness rid me of the stuff that doesn’t connect with you or the world around me"

Nerd Alert!

DISCLAIMER: I am a nerd... I am well aware... If you don't care for nerdy things... don't read...

Next week I am going to be teaching a couple of classes for our 6th grade Outdoor Ed program. I am really excited because I get to teach about Math in Nature. I wrote the curriculum for it last week and I literally can't stop thinking about it. It's fun to plan something and be so excited about it that you just sort of accept the fact that other people might not think it is as cool as you do. I think seeing Math in Nature is super cool. For example, the Fibonacci Sequence (1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55...) can be seen everywhere in Nature! Take the family tree of a male Honey Bee:

- A male Honey Bee is produced from the unfertilized egg of a Queen (female that is fed special hormones in order to produce eggs) Bee. Meaning they only have one parent.
- A female Honey Bee is produced from a fertilized egg: i.e. they have a mom and a dad.

So if we trace the family tree of a Male Honey Bee, you get something that looks like the following.
Anyone notice a pattern? If you go up the levels, you will notice that you have 1 Bee, who has 1 parent, who has 2 parents, then 3 parents, then 5 parents... And so on and so forth... It's the Fibonacci sequence people... So Cool!!!

I know I am a nerd... Don't say I didn't warn you!

Let's Talk

Do you ever have a conversation with someone that reminds you that you are not the only one who feels the way you do? That you aren't alone in your thoughts and ideas? That you aren't crazy?

I had one of those conversations today with a friend. It started out innocent enough. I hadn't seen her in awhile so I filled her in on my life and my family really briefly and then asked her how she was doing and how her family was. Well who knew that a little question would open up a conversation that would remind me of just how Big God is. She was so honest and open about her life and feeling burnt out and wanting to move on and feeling like God has something bigger planned for her and her family then staying in this little town and going through the motions. She talked about how she has been feeling God moving in her life recently and how she feels conflicted with what she has holding her here in her life and what the desires of her heart are. She is also confused and doesn't know if these desires are actual desires of her heart or a calling of the Lord.

It was kinda crazy and I can't really explain it but she put into words a lot of the same feelings that I have been having recently. Feelings of being burnt out (not with anything in particular but with things as a whole)... Big desires/dreams that terrify me but excite me to the point of tears... confusion in trying to distinguish my desires from what God has called me to do... And then guilt for having desires and not being content with what God has already given and done in my life... And the list goes on and on... And has been going on and on for about a month and a half (hence the lack of updates since the beginning of September). Today reminded me how great it feels to talk to someone about these thoughts and these feelings. It was a great reminder that I am not alone in these feelings. That I am loved and supported by many people around me that I need to reach out to in this huge time of transition in my life.

Thank You God for this reminder. And please give me the courage to share my feelings with others. Open doors and paths to where you want me to go. God, you know the desires of my heart God. But not my will but Yours be done!

Dream

Do you ever hear a song that just meets you where you are, right at that exact moment and time? I came across that song today. And listened to it four times bringing me to tears each and every time thinking about the things God has been putting on my heart lately.

Dream

By Priscilla Ahn

I was a little girl alone in my little world

who dreamed of a little home for me.

I played pretend between the trees,

and fed my houseguests bark and leaves,

and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream

That I could fly from the highest swing.

I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods

grown behind the park,

I asked God who I'm supposed to be.

The stars smiled down on me,

God answered in silent reverie.

I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream

That I could fly from the highest tree.

I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey.

I don't know what's left to say

about this life I'm willing to leave.

I lived it full and I lived it well,

there's many tales I've lived to tell.

I'm ready now, I'm ready now,

I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream