Hello! My name is Michelle..

This last weekend was pretty rough. Friday was a hard day with grandma. Her mental status is declining at a rate faster then what we originally thought which is hard to keep up with not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally. We can't tell her about anything ahead of time anymore (like people coming to visit or appointments) because she obsesses over them and asks a million questions (usually they are ones that she already asked and forgot that she asked and what the answer was). The hardest part of the day is probably the mornings although meal times are quickly catching up. Getting dressed is her biggest challenge mentally while her biggest challenge physically is probably eating. It's so hard to stand by and try and help when there's not a whole lot you can do. Some days (like Friday and, from what I hear, Saturday) she gets very angry and defiant. It's days like that when I can't help but feel annoyed which is usually quickly followed with extreme guilt. Friday I was impatient and it showed. Grandma even asked my if I was angry with her. I wanted to cry for making her feel that way and for not having enough patience. My name is now Michelle (according to grandma) because she can't remember Michaela. I've heard of other people's grandparents forgetting names and stuff but it's pretty heartbreaking when it happens to you.

I am really struggling with this but I know I'm not alone. We are having someone come in three days a week to help alleviate some of the added stress. And I am happy to see my family getting closer because of this. Please continue to pray for answers and wisdom from the doctors. And please pray for added patience for others both in my own life and in my family's lives.

And So It Begins

So it's been about a month since my grandma moved in and we are still trying to adjust our lives to her needs which has become increasingly difficult these last couple of weeks. We have definitely seen a decline in her memory and just overall well being since she moved in. But we were able to get her into UCLA for some tests. I won't go into the details of the actual tests but the tentative diagnosis is Alzheimer's. This diagnosis will be pending until some more tests can be run including a 4 hour neuro-psychiatric exam. Grandma is in a bit of denial about the diagnosis and really doesn't want to talk about it ever. It's definitely a hard diagnosis to hear for us so I can't really imagine how she is feeling about it. She also went to the optometrist yesterday and he took a scan of her field of vision which has significantly changed in the last few months since the last scan. She now has to retrain her eyes to use a minimal portion of her eye to see. Please be in prayer for my grandma. It's hard to continue to hear all of this bad news and she is already pretty depressed as it is. Pray that we can get in and get the necessary tests done as soon as possible (right now the 4 hour test is scheduled for June but my aunt is calling UCLA everyday checking for cancellations so we can get her in sooner). We are really hoping that it's not Alzheimer's but from what we have been seeing, it's not likely. But God is in control and His plan is better then mine so I trust that He will give us the strength to do this.