Worry No More!

Last night I came to the painful realization that I worry way too much! The last two months or so I have not been sleeping well, having terrible nightmares (and I NEVER used to dream), and more recently been making myself sick with worry. Things I worry about:

1. School; midterms coming up; getting accepted to the Athletic Training program
2. Not having friends; Ok, I have friends otherwise no one would be reading this blog, but it sucks sometimes to be stuck at school and not know anyone; having to sit at Starbucks for 3 hours alone is not really all that fun.
   
3. My car; the Burb is all fun and games until I am spending $80 on gas a week
4. Moving Out; I am almost 20 years old and I still live at home; yeah it's cheap, but I pay for it in stress
5. My sisters; as they grow into young women and hope that I did them justice as their big sister.
6. My Mom; one word - CANCER
7. and so much more

It's amazing how much we (if not we, at least I) worry about stuff. All throughout Matthew and Luke (and many other places in the Bible) Jesus tells us not to worry about things, but it is so hard to let go of wanting control over our own lives. Like I said earlier, last night I came to the painful (there's nothing like a crying hangover; eyes burning, head pounding... you know) realization that I worry way to much. So here marks my new quest (I guess you can call it a new years resolution) to worry no more.

Same Ol' Stuff

Wow, it's been some time since I have updated my blog. It's actually been 10 whole days... man am I lazy or what. I guess nothing really exciting has happened lately so I just didn't feel a huge need to say anything significant. School went well this week. I had my first midterm (well, it's not really a midterm; it was a big test of three tests in the class) in Physiology. It was fairly easy considering that most of it was just review from biology classes I have taken in the past. I am excited about getting into the meat of the class and attempting to understand the complexities of the functions of the Human body. Dance was also pretty exciting this week as we finally started actually dancing instead of touching each other. I have to say that after watching some of the other people in my class attempt a pirouette, I didn't feel nearly as bad for sucking at dancing.

Things are going very well with my Mom. She saw the Oncologist last week and he said pretty much the same thing as Dr. Davis. She goes in for a CAT scan on Wednesday to make sure there are no other tumors. Depending on how the CAT scan goes, it's sort of up to my mom as to which direction she wants to go in as far as chemo and that sort of stuff. But she is in high spirits and is recovering very well.

Contact

Today I was thinking about human contact. There is a certain amount of human contact that everyone is comfortable with. I walk around school and see couples who obviously have no problems with contact (PDAs) and I see other couples who barely hold hands (like just holding each other's pinkies). I really have never been a huge hand holder (well, I have never had a person's hand to hold but my Mom's). I occasionally like a hug here and there from friends at the appropriate times (like last Tuesday at 11 o'clock at night when I found out my Mom had to have surgery) but that's about as far as my human contact goes. Today in my Dance class we had to get in partners and later we found out we were going to be giving each other massages. We were supposed to work on the trapezius, the rhomboids, the sternocleidomastoid, and the pectoralis minor. My partner's name was Jesus (like the Mexican way to say it; not like the Son of God). I gave him his massage first and then he gave me mine. It was awkward to say the very least (and he didn't even give a good massage cause my back is killing me). So I was wondering if anyone else is as uncomfortable as I was today with some human contact.

On a little note, my Mom is doing really well. She went in for her post-op appointment today. She has to go see the Oncologist later this week to see what will happen as far as possible chemo or some other treatment. The doctor also gave her the go ahead to walk, drive, and eat anything she wants (he also took out the staples; I got a cool picture of it before they took them out but I am not allowed to post it so ask me about it). Other then that my Mom is doing really really well! Thank you again for all of your prayers, thoughts, cards, dinners, and prayers.

Another Day

Well, at first I kinda hated this huge break between classes on Tuesdays (I still hate it kinda), but it certainly gives me some time to write in my blog on a regular basis. It's funny how missing one day of school can make you feel like you haven't been there in over a week (I actually haven't been here in a week, but it feels like it's been a long time). My morning classes were just as boring as ever. Dance was funny because we had to prance across the room. Well, we learned how to jump up first, then we began to prance across the room. It was the funniest thing I think I have ever done, and I am sure that's not the last of it. I am beginning to have a routine in my afternoon breaks. What I mean by routine is I go and read at Starbucks around the corner. It's not much of a routine, but I believe it has the potential to become one. I was supposed to go looking for a Thrift Store on Reseda today, but I didn't feel like driving around and wasting what precious gas I have left in my beast (the "Burb").

My Mom is doing very well. She is already getting a little cabin fever. From being at home all day and night. Last night Janae and I took over her bed while my dad watched TV in the living room. I kept offering the bed to my Mom, but she shot me down every time (she's so sick of that bed and it's only the first week). Other then that she is doing very well. As for me, I am getting a little cabin fever of my own sitting here waiting for class to start, but what can ya do?

Update

Well, it has been four days since my Mom had surgery and she is now home! She has definitely been recovering very well. As I said before, my Mom had surgery to remove a tumor from her colon on Wednesday. Wednesday she was pretty out of it all day; the tube going up her nose and down her throat to suck out the excess fluid didn't help any. Thursday I spent most of the day at the hospital. They finally took out that nasty tube which made my Mom much happier! Friday I had to work, but I made sure to go by the hospital before work. My Mom was doing really well. Later that day, they took out her catheter and she was finally able to drink liquids (she hadn't had anything to eat/drink since Monday morning). My grandma came up and totally babied my Mom. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen; My Mom asked me to hand her the chicken broth and as I was handing off to my Mom, my grandma intercepted it and blew on it like she did for us when we were little. This morning my Mom was finally able to eat some eggs and mashed potatoes which finally allowed her to come home (just in time too because she had just gotten a roommate today who couldn't stop throwing up when she was awake and snored when she slept). The biopsy on the tumor came back as cancerous but the good news (great news really) is it hasn't spread anywhere else. So basically she had cancer in the tumor, but they cut the tumor out so she doesn't have cancer anymore. The doctors will probably put her on some chemo, but it's really just a preventative chemo. So it's all been really good news so far. Please continue to pray for my Mom and my family as we still have a long way to go. My Mom has to be home for four weeks (if you don't know my Mom, lets just say she has a hard time sitting down for four minutes let alone four weeks) and she really can't be up and about too much for at least the first two. Please pray that we can be as helpful to my Mom as humanly possible without going nuts. But there is the update. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers!

On a Dime

Isn't it amazing how life can change on a Dime? Yesterday I was sitting writing about how lame my classes are. Little did I know at the time, my life was about to change forever.

Yesterday my Mom went in for a colonoscopy (she had been having some troubles with her bowels that I am not going to go into). The doctors found a fairly large tumor in her colon. She decided it would be best to have it removed sooner then later so she scheduled her surgery for today at noon. Unfortunately I did not find any of this out until 11 o'clock last night.

The surgery went really well. They ended up taking out about 12 inches of her colon as well as her appendix (Dr. Davis said it just gets in the way). The doctors said that they didn't see anything else in there to be concerned about. Now we just wait for the biopsy to find out if the tumor was cancerous. The doctors say that even if it is not cancerous, they might still do some chemo to make sure nothing becomes carcinogenic.

To say the least it has been a very long day, but as I was sitting watching my mom sleep (tubes coming out to wazzoo) I couldn't help but feel comforted by a book I was reading. Like I said yesterday, I started reading Starving Jesus and it has really led me to a lot of things that have really comforted me (I got a lot of reading done last night; I couldn't sleep and I really didn't have anyone to talk to at 12am last night). But it was today in the hospital room with my mom that I felt the most comforted. The chapter I was reading talked about trusting God and following your call... Then I came across a passage that I have read a thousand times, but this time it was really worthwhile:

Matthew 6:25-34

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I really don't have anything else to say but God will still be God. No matter how much worrying I do, God will still be God. I am still super shocked that this all is happening, but God is God and he is good. And as I cried myself to sleep last night, I could only sing "Blessed be Your name, on the road marked with suffering. Though there's pain in the offering, Blessed be Your name! Every Blessing you poor out I'll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say, Blessed be the name of the Lord! Blessed be Your name! Blessed be the name of the Lord! Blessed be Your glorious name! Blessed be Your name when I am found in the dessert place. Though I walk through the wilderness, Blessed be Your name! "

Great Expectations

Wow! Two posts in one day! I think that is a first. I just wanted to say that the class that I thought was going to be the most boring class of the day, ended up being my most exciting class of the day. World History since 1500 is pretty darn awesome! It also helps that my professor is totally cool and fun. Today we talked about the Scientific Revolution and the 30 Years War; things that were completely dull to me two or three years previous were now presented to me in such a way that I found completely interesting. I didn't even get on the internet during class because I was so into it (in case you can't tell, I am kinda in class right now; pretty boring)! So yeah, I was pretty excited about that class and I wanted to share it with someone (you all). It's funny how the expectations we have for things don't always come out the way we planned it. Well, back to boring T.A. lectures.

Bored and Broke

Another Tuesday has come and gone (well, not quite gone yet; I still have two more classes to get through). Today being the start of my second week of the semester was a little more relaxed. The numbers in the parking lot are being to die down (not quite as many vultures hovering over you as you walk to your car), and we are just starting to get into the real material in our classes (not so much boring review stuff that I learned in 10th grade). We had a quiz in Physiology which I did alright on. I got a little confused on what she was looking for on a couple of questions, so I probably pulled of a 4.5 out of 5. My professor was really mean about the quiz though. She was saying stuff like, "If this is hard, you should drop the class," "this all should be review and if it's not, you need to drop the class sooner then later so others can add the class." I guess it is good of her to say that so people know what they are in for, but I don't anticipate many people dropping the class anytime soon.

My Latin America class was boring as usual (I forgot to mention last Thursday's class. My professor - who is in his 70's and wears hearing aids - came to class dressed as a Spanish Conquistador. He went through the whole lecture pretending he was a servant to Queen Isabella of Spain back in the 1400's. Sounds kinds cool right? Wrong!!!! The class was terrible. All he talked about was island hopping and running into cannibals throughout the Caribbean. The only fun part was he looked like an idiot.) Needless to say, this class was 10 times less exciting the Thursday's class. Dance was fun/funny because we actually started to dance. Well, we did turns. We learned how to spin around in a circle on one foot. Super exciting. The last minute of class we jumped around like fools following the teacher; Great fun! Nothing to report on my Drama class other then I get to see WICKED on March 15th (yeah, that's a Thursday night so I will miss youth group that night Ryan!)!

And now I get to sit and wait. The only thing that sucks more then sitting and waiting is being broke and sitting and waiting. There is so much to do down here from going to the mall to even catching a movie, but I can't because I am a poor college student (do you hear that violin playing in the background there?) On the plus side, I got a lot of reading done. I am a slow reader naturally, but give me required reading and you can almost bet it won't get done. Thankfully, Ryan lent me a couple of books to help me procrastinate my school reading a little while longer (thanks Ryan). He gave me Letter to a Young Evangelical by Tony Campolo and Starving Jesus by Craig Gross and J.R. Mahon. As much as I love a lot of Tony Campolo's stuff, I decided to start with Starving Jesus simply based on the fact that it had a cooler title and cover (there were other reasons to this decision; it was smaller, it was paperback - hardcovers intimidate me -, and it was written by the founders of xxxchurch.com.)

So now I get to sit and wait (and write in my blog). I am attempting to make it through the night without my triple shot, so we'll see if I make it home tonight.

One Day, One Room

As many people know, I have my "shows" that I get pretty into throughout the year: Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Gilmore Girls, and on occasion Scrubs and Smallville. The one other show I am particularly fond of at the present moment is House with Hugh Laurie. Normally Dr. Gregory House goes about diagnosing wild illnesses in patients that no one else is able to diagnose. However, this last week's episode was super deep. Since I can't give you the full rundown of the last few seasons of how House came about, I will give you the short half. House's boss, Dr. Cuddy, lied to the court saying he wasn't addicted to pain killers to keep him out of prison. To pay her back, Cuddy orders House to two days of nothing but clinic duty. Being the jerk that House is, he tries to find ways out of it by paying off anyone willing to leave, ordering unnecessary tests for a man with a cockroach in his ear... typical House stuff. Cuddy pulls him back into her office, desperate for a solution. She offers House $10 for every patient he can diagnose without touching. However, he will have to pay her $10 for every patient he does have to touch. So House starts plowing through patients without touching any of them.

The test results come back from the earlier STD patients, and the first two are clean. The third is a 20-something blonde female named Eve who tests positive. Eve breaks down in tears at the news even though House reassures her that Chlamydia isn't all that bad. House tries to hand her some pills, but Eve yells at him to not touch her. House goes to tell Cuddy to get a new doctor for this patient. Eve has been raped. Cuddy explains to Eve that the hospital will assign another doctor, but Eve insists on House. House says that he isn't interested in treating her because there is nothing to treat. She is perfectly healthy. Eve doesn't care, and only wants to talk to him

House waits for Eve to awake and he asks her what she wants. She only wants to talk to him - about anything. House goes to his team for advice, and they suggest he give the girl his conversation. Everyone gives him different advice which leaves him about where he started. So, House and Eve discuss where they went to college. House still gets no answer on why Eve trusts him. She inquires whether anything terrible has ever happened to him. He says that he was abused by his grandmother. His parents traveled and often left him with her. She was a strict disciplinarian. House never misbehaved when she was around because he was too afraid of being forced to sleep in the yard or of being made to take a bath in ice. He never told his parents.

Eve asks if any of his story is true, and House assures her that it all is. She again asks if it is true. House replies that it is the truth for somebody. House says, "These things happen, what do you care if it happened to me?" Eve then says, "But they are not in this room." House, "No, they're out there. Are you gonna base your whole life on who you got stuck in a room with?" Eve, "I'm gonna base this moment on who I am stuck in a room with. That's what life is. It's a series of rooms; and who we get stuck in those rooms with adds up to what our lives are."

This really stood out to me and really made me think. Is that what life is really like? Is life just a series of rooms? I know for me sometimes it feels that way. Sometimes when I talk to certain people, I feel like it's just us in a room together and all that matters is that one moment we have in that room. It's hard to explain. Let me know what you think about this great philosophical look at life. Do you agree or disagree? Do you have any examples of this happening to you? Maybe you don't want to talk about it. Maybe it was just One Day, and One Room.