Introvert Probz

I am an introvert! There... I said it...

I've been thinking about this a lot lately over the last few weeks. Wondering why I just don't want to be social or go out. I know what depression feels like and I promise you it is not that. It seriously just takes so much effort to be on. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE hanging out with people. Hanging out and talking or even just listening to close friends or family brings me so much joy. But I can't tell you how great it feels to just sit at home by myself sometimes. Large crowds and spontaneous events with people that I don't know... Ain't nobody got time for that!

What brought this on, you may ask? I read a blog the other day that had a list of 11 things you should know about an introvert. And while all 11 don't totally explain me, I thought I might give you my own list of things you should know. So here it is, 8 things you should know about me (and yes I stole a lot of these from the other blog... I'll be sure to cite my sources for you at the end).

1) I don’t hate being around people, but I probably hate crowds.

I love being with people, but if you drop me into a large crowd I instantly feel like I’m alone and invisible. I try to avoid situations where I feel that way, so I may decline your open invitation to some random event. It doesn’t mean I don’t like to be around you, it just means I like to have more control over my surroundings.

2) I need to recharge alone.
This right here is the cusp of the entire introvert v. extrovert debate (if there is one, anyway) – Introverts need to be alone to recharge. We tend to get completely worn out by socializing. This is basically what it means to be an introvert.

3) I don’t mind silence. 
I can sit beside you in silence and not think we are having a bad time. This is especially true on road trips and can be a little confounding to true extroverts. For this reason, I especially like going to the movies where it is already considered rude to chat. Rule #1 for dealing with introverts – Don’t tell me I’m “too quiet.” I hate that. Sorry I’m making you uncomfortable, but you really don’t get to decide how much I have to talk.

4) I can turn on an extroverted personality when necessary, but it is especially draining.
I have no problem getting up in front of a group of people and giving a talk. I don’t even get nervous by a question and answer period. But – here is the thing – I will need major recharge time afterwards and I won’t be able to keep up this extroverted illusion all day. I can turn it on to dazzle a crowd, but if you take me out for lunch afterwards, I’ll probably just listen to you talk. I am an excellent listener.

5) I secretly love it when you cancel plans.
I like being with you, but finding out I suddenly don’t need to be “on” and it wasn’t actually me that backed out? – priceless! Don’t worry if you have to cancel, I’m probably thrilled to be able to stay in my pajamas.

6) I can get very wrapped up in my own thoughts.
My inner monologue is epic. When you have a strong monologue constantly running in the background, it is pretty easy to settle-in and listen for a while. I have to work through things in my head before I proceed, so I usually need a few minutes. When I’m ready to move forward though, I am 100% on top of it!

7)  I don’t like to hang around.

That time after an event or meeting ends and stragglers hang around to talk – yeah, I know this is the perfect time to make more plans, connect with new people, and get involved with future projects, but I really really really hate this. I’m probably already checking my phone in my car before you have even picked up your purse. Small talk with strangers is my kryptonite.

8) I can be pretty bad at connecting. 

You know when you have had a really bad day and you just want to call up a friend and chat? Yeah, I’m bad at that. I tend to wait for extroverts to reach out and include me, so when the time comes that I need support, I can be a bit lost.

That's it people. Just a few things you should know about me. Please don't take my withdrawal or internal monologue personally or like I am not listening to you. I'm listening. I promise. 

For more information about introverts like me, check out

- http://playfullytacky.com/2014/07/16/things-you-should-know-about-introverts/

- http://psychology.about.com/od/trait-theories-personality/f/introversion.htm

Don't Worry About Tomorrow... Seriously???

"Let ALL that I am wait quietly before God, for my HOPE is in Him.

He ALONE is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will NOT be shaken.

My victory and honor come from God alone. 

He is my refuge, a rock where NO enemy can reach me.

O my people, trust in Him at ALL times.

Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our REFUGE."

- Psalms 62:5-8 (emphasis added)

So I have this reacurring dream... I say reacurring because I have had it at least three times this year that I can remember (it very well could be more but I try to block it out). Basically I am dreaming that I am sleeping and I wake up to see the shadow of someone standing over my bed... Terrifying right??? It gets worse... Naturally if you see someone standing over your bed and you are overcome by fear you are going to want to move and fight, but (since I am still dreaming... remember) my body feels like a thousand pounds and I'm paralized and unable to move. So the next logical step is to call out for help... But again that scream only comes out like a wimper... Becuase I'm still dreaming, remember??? I try harder and harder to yell until finally I actually do yell and wake myself from this terrible dream... Until this last time, I wasn't actually sure if I yelled out loud or if I just dreamed that I yelled. But if you ask my roommate, she will tell you that I am actually a freak and I did yell in the middle of the night a little over a week ago.

I told my mom about the dream and the screaming myself awake sort of as a joke. I mean, how many people do you know who have nightmares in which they wake up screaming? I just thought I was a freak. And maybe I am... But my mom, bless her heart, took my dream very seriously and recommended that I start writing down all of the things that are stressing me out. You see, I get really anxious sometimes... Things pop up unexpectedly (like a dead battery, getting my car towed for the 4th time this year, spending WAY too much money on my car... etc) and I internalize every bit of it. Yeah I cry it out (which I did a lot of the day my car broke down which coincidentally was the same night I had my dream...) and I call my dad and ask him for advice, but the amount of stress and anxiety that I internalize may have something to do with why I keep having this strange dream.

So I started writing down my fears and things that cause me stress and anxiety each night before I go to bed. In addition I started a little 7 day devotional about anxiety. With work starting up again and the stresses of that being piled on top of everything else, this study and journal couldn't have come at a better time. We've all read the verses that say trust in me with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding... or do not worry about tomorrow, tomorrow has enough worry for itself... But how is that even possible? How do we lay down our fears? How do we just stop worrying? Is it even possible? I have a hard time believing that God didn't give us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7). Maybe He didn't give me a spirit of fear but there are some days where I am really lacking on the power, love, and self-discipline... So what can I do? What can we do to not worry about tomorrow or what's to come?

"Don't worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you WILL expreience God's PEACE, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and recieved from me - everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you."

-Philippieans 4:6-8 

PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING! Fix your thoughts of what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Only then will God's peace guard your hearts and minds as you live in Chirst Jesus. That's it. It's that simple. Just pray about everything... I know... Easier said than done right? But it's a place to start...

10 days, no nightmares. Praise Jesus!