On Point!

Some days while teaching, lessons flop. There are days when it is a struggle to keep kids engaged. Some days it's like pulling teeth to get kids to respond to the simplest of questions and as a teacher I stand in the front of the room feeling like a idiot waiting in awkward silence. There are definitely way too many of those days and it's one of my goals to cut down on those days.

But then there are days like today. Days when your lesson is fun and engaging. Days when you can get kids to laugh and enjoy the lesson while still making sure that they comprehend the material. Days when your assessment acutally feels worthwhile and has a purpose beyond grades. I have this one class that is silent. Half of the class is made up of international kids and the other half are the quiet/shy kids. So getting them to participate and engage in the lesson is struggle to say the least. But today was different. Today I was excited about the lesson and about some silly ways that I was able to interact with another class the day before. Most of my lessons involve me explaining a concept, showing the class and example and then working through and exampel with the class. After that I will usually check to see how well they are able to apply that concept by having the  class try a problem on their own and then we go over the problem together. Usually I tell the class to turn to their neighbor when they are finished and check their answers with them. Well, with this class, that rarely happens so I start having them say the words "I've got it" when they are finished so that I know that they are done and we can go over the problem and move on with the lesson. Even the "I've got its" are hard to get my students to say because they are just silent. So today I tried something different. I had a little bit of leverage because they wanted to see what grades they got on their tests so that definitely helped. But I told the class that we would not move on until I heard every single person say "I've got it." But that was sort of boring. So instead of saying "I've got it," I told them they had to SING "I've got it." When the first couple of students wispered "I've got it" I told them that we would not be moving on until I heard the whole class singing. Believe it or not, it worked. The kids started giggling and snickering about having to sing, but it woke them up. They start participating more than they have ever participated in the past and seemed to not only understand the lesson, but enjoy the lesson. The next problem I switched it up and instead of having them sing "I've got it" I had them say it in spanish "Yo lo tengo." I can't tell you how funny it was to see my Chinese and Vietnames kids saying "Yo lo tengo" but it was the ice breaker I feel that we desperately needed.

I don't know if that was the trick and I highly doubt that I will go in on Monday to a completely transformed and enlightened class, but for today, I felt like I was not only doing my job but that I was doing it well. 

Let's Hear it for the Moms!

Screw what Deniece Williams said when she said "Let's Hear it for the Boy." I say, Let's Hear it for the Moms. Moms are amazing individuals and seriously gifts to all mankind. 

Being so far away from my family is hard. I miss my family all of the time and wish I could just cruise over to their house and say hello. This weekend I went home and got to spend some quality time with my mom (and my dad... sorry dad... I love you too... Promise! And that Valentines gift was SOOOOO amazing!!!! Thank YOU!!!!). I had a cold last week too so going home and having my mom take care of me was especially amazing! There is no one else that I want when I am sick other than my mommy. When I got home, I was exhausted from a long (even though it was a day shorter) week of work. The drive home was long and awful and there was traffic and trucks and people were just idiots on the road. I pulled into the driveway and seriously just about lost it. I was in no mood to say hello or chat and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. My mom (who had been sleeping before I got home) got out of bed, filled up the humidifier, grabbed a jar of vicks vapor rub, and found some NyQuil so all I had to do was go to sleep. She then made me one of my favorite soups the next night which basically knocked out what was left of my cold. There really is nothing like going to your mom and having her take care of you.

And while there is nothing like going home and having your mom take care of you, there are glimpses of that everywhere. Like I said, being away from my family has been hard. I love them and leaving them after a visit gets a little harder everytime, but it's crazy how God knows how I feel and gives me moms all around me. Not only do I have a surrogate family up here in the Burgs, but I have coworkers and friends who take care of me and love me just like my mommy does. It definitely doesn't replace what I have but it does make this a little easier. Tonight I went to dinner with some coworkers and friends and the moms took care of us kids. I love that. I can't tell you how much of a blessing it is to be taken care of by a mom. So that's why tonight, I am saying Let's Hear it for the Moms.

One of the biggest desires of my heart is to be a mom. I hope and pray that one day I get to be a mom. And bless my kids and other peoples kids the way my mom and my surrogate moms have blessed me.

Crazy Thinking...

I had a thought yesterday. And I think it's crazy. Like I seriously might have just lost my mind. But I have been reading this book and as I was reading this book, I had an idea. This crazy, possibly stupid idea. I think I should write a book.

It's something that my mom told me I should do awhile ago but I didn't really believe her. I mean, your mom is always your number one fan and my mom has definitely been one to believe that I can do anything I put my mind to. But writing a book? Really? No. I teach math. There is no way. 

But while reading Donald Miller's new book, it just sort of hit me. I could actually do this. I have a story to tell. I don't even know what the full story is or how to put it all together. I don't even know that it would be worth reading or that anyone would want to read it (other than my mom). But for the first time I feel like it's actually something I could do. "Sometimes the story we're telling the world isn't half as endearing as the one that lives inside us." I feel like there is a story inside of me and I a, excited at the possibility of letting it out. 

Scary Close

I started reading this book last week. It's Donald Millers new book, Scary Close and it is already topping the best sellers lists so you better get your hands on it now. Anyway, I'm a little over halfway through the book and I already have been rocked and wrecked. Thanks Don. 

The book is about relationships. But it's not like a I Kissed Dating Goodbye self help style book. While he does talk about his relationship with his then fiancé now wife, it's not solely about romantic relationships (although it is a great guide in that regards as well). But it's a book about relationships in their purest form. It's about being your true self and not acting and putting on a show for people but to truly become intimate in our relationships. To become vulnerable and open ourselves up, but at the same time protect ourselves from people who manipulate us and constantly take from the relationship. 

I always thought I was good at relationships. I mean, I can come into a classroom and know that I have to be vulnerable in order to gain the trust and respect of my students. But is that just a show? Am I just trying to perform in order to impress these kids? I don't think that I am but how can I be sure? But in my real life, my day to day life, I think I suck at relationships. Or maybe I'm good at them but not in the way that I should be. I have never felt true intimacy with someone. Not physical intimacy, but an intimacy of knowing who someone is and the, knowing me. Maybe it's my introvert tendencies, or maybe that's what I use as my scapegoat too often so I don't open myself up to new possibilities. Maybe that's why I'm still single. Maybe that's why I have yet to find a Boosm Friend/Kindred Spirit (I was listening to Anne of Green Gables in the car driving home today... I love that book and have always hoped to one day find a Boosm Friend). 

One thing I have realized though while reading this book is that "in order to experience a meaningful life, [I] have to face the fear of jumping in -- not just in relationships, but in life, in [my] career and [my] rest and [my] play." In order to ever stand a chance at having a meaning relationship with anyone (romantic or not), I have to be vulnerable. I can't put on a show and try to impress anyone. I have to be me. This is definitely not something that can happen overnight. And it's something I am going to have to work on. But I want to work on it. I want to try. It's super scary. But it's sort of exciting too right?

Sometimes I Wonder....

Sometimes I wonder if I am actually doing what I am supposed to be doing. Like am I supposed to be teaching? Could I be doing something else? Would I be happier doing something else? Or wouldn't it be nice to have a job that I could actually leave at work and not take home with me? Wouldn't it be nice to not spend 4 hours on a weekend planning and grading for the upcoming week? Is this really worth it? 

I've been feeling this a lot lately. Just sort of feel like I am going through the motions, getting the job done. Other days it takes all that is in me not to bite a kid's head off. Then there are days when I am just annoyed and act like a total bitch to my kids. Not because I hate them but just because I am irritated by people around me. I try to turn it off but the bitchiness keeps coming out. Then I wonder how kids could ever respect me or even like me when I am such a bitch to them sometimes. 

Then there are those moments when every doubt you ever had comes crashing to a halt. Those moments when God says, "Calm down. You are just where I want you to be. You are still my child and I am well pleased with you." 

Recently I have had two of those moments. The fist came last Friday night at a school event. STUCO put on this Mock Rock thing which was like a lip sync battle. I was a judge and guest starred in one of the groups ("Hold On" by Wilson Phillips... You know... The one from Bridesmaids...). The event was a huge success and the kids had a blast. There were even parents and kids from other schools who came and really enjoyed the event. After it was over and people were mingling, I met one of my senior's dads. This particular student was one that I did the song with earlier. She has been my student for the three years I have been at this school and she is one of my favs (I mean... I don't have favs... ;-)). Anyway, I met her dad that night for the first time and he said, "thank you for loving our kids. Like for reals. It is so obvious that you love these kids and they love you. They talk about you all of the time and going up on stage with them tonight was not an easy thing to do I am sure but they loved every second of it. I just can tell that you love these kids and I really appreciate that." 

Let's just say I almost lost it right then and there. But it meant a lot to hear that someone sees my heart. Not that any of what I do needs justification or validation from anyone but God, but it sure is nice to hear it when it comes. 

The second reminder came from a student yesterday after a particularly bitchy day. It was after school and I was working in my room before soccer practice. This hour of time has become really nice for me since most kids go home and I get to have a little bit of prep time (my prep period is 7th which has turned into an impromptu study hall so I don't get anything done so that hour after school is great!). During this time there are usually a couple of students lingering either waiting for their sports practice or just trying to get homework done. I have one student whose sister is playing soccer and though she is a senior and can drive home, she chooses to stay at school to get her work done. Yesterday it was just she and I in my room (another student had just walked out from asking me a question), and out of nowhere she said, "Miss Andrews, I'm so glad you are here." At first I didn't understand what she meant. I thought maybe she was just happy to be sitting on my couch after school and she was glad I was at school still so she had a place to sit. I asked her what she meant and she said, "I am just glad that you teach here. You are a great teacher and just really love us. And, I dunno... I'm just glad you are here."  

Cue the tears again because they definitely started coming. I don't know what it is but whenever those feelings of doubt creep into my mind, God is so faithful to send me little reminders that I am right where I need to be for this moment in my life. He sends me people to remind me and tell me "this is my child with whom I am well pleased." I am so thankful for those reminders.