I've been feeling this a lot lately. Just sort of feel like I am going through the motions, getting the job done. Other days it takes all that is in me not to bite a kid's head off. Then there are days when I am just annoyed and act like a total bitch to my kids. Not because I hate them but just because I am irritated by people around me. I try to turn it off but the bitchiness keeps coming out. Then I wonder how kids could ever respect me or even like me when I am such a bitch to them sometimes.
Then there are those moments when every doubt you ever had comes crashing to a halt. Those moments when God says, "Calm down. You are just where I want you to be. You are still my child and I am well pleased with you."
Recently I have had two of those moments. The fist came last Friday night at a school event. STUCO put on this Mock Rock thing which was like a lip sync battle. I was a judge and guest starred in one of the groups ("Hold On" by Wilson Phillips... You know... The one from Bridesmaids...). The event was a huge success and the kids had a blast. There were even parents and kids from other schools who came and really enjoyed the event. After it was over and people were mingling, I met one of my senior's dads. This particular student was one that I did the song with earlier. She has been my student for the three years I have been at this school and she is one of my favs (I mean... I don't have favs... ;-)). Anyway, I met her dad that night for the first time and he said, "thank you for loving our kids. Like for reals. It is so obvious that you love these kids and they love you. They talk about you all of the time and going up on stage with them tonight was not an easy thing to do I am sure but they loved every second of it. I just can tell that you love these kids and I really appreciate that."
Let's just say I almost lost it right then and there. But it meant a lot to hear that someone sees my heart. Not that any of what I do needs justification or validation from anyone but God, but it sure is nice to hear it when it comes.
The second reminder came from a student yesterday after a particularly bitchy day. It was after school and I was working in my room before soccer practice. This hour of time has become really nice for me since most kids go home and I get to have a little bit of prep time (my prep period is 7th which has turned into an impromptu study hall so I don't get anything done so that hour after school is great!). During this time there are usually a couple of students lingering either waiting for their sports practice or just trying to get homework done. I have one student whose sister is playing soccer and though she is a senior and can drive home, she chooses to stay at school to get her work done. Yesterday it was just she and I in my room (another student had just walked out from asking me a question), and out of nowhere she said, "Miss Andrews, I'm so glad you are here." At first I didn't understand what she meant. I thought maybe she was just happy to be sitting on my couch after school and she was glad I was at school still so she had a place to sit. I asked her what she meant and she said, "I am just glad that you teach here. You are a great teacher and just really love us. And, I dunno... I'm just glad you are here."
Cue the tears again because they definitely started coming. I don't know what it is but whenever those feelings of doubt creep into my mind, God is so faithful to send me little reminders that I am right where I need to be for this moment in my life. He sends me people to remind me and tell me "this is my child with whom I am well pleased." I am so thankful for those reminders.
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