Sisterhood

Well, I did it. I took a huge leap of faith and joined a community group. Well... It's not really a community group. It's actually called a Sisterhood group. Basically it's a group of 5 women who are committed to meeting and praying for one another in an effort to build relationships and grow as a community. Not exactly the best way to try to meet my future husband, but at least I am getting involved and meeting people.

Today we met for the first time and had breakfast together. For those who know me and my introverted ways, this was a HUGE step for me. Going to breakfast with a group of people I know NOTHING about??? So not something in my comfort zone. But I went and it was actually nice. The three other girls who came today were kind and easy to talk to. They are all married which makes me the odd man out, but what was so nice and so different than any other church group I have attempted to connect with is they never once asked me if I was married or had a boyfriend. They didn't want to know that information. Or maybe they wanted to know but it wasn't their top priority. They wanted to know me. Who I am. By myself. What I do. Why I am here. It was refreshing to say the least.

Thank You???

Yesterday I was at the grocery store and as I walked in I saw a heavyset, black man and accidentally made eye contact with him. Well, when I make eye contact with someone, I usually smile and do the nod to say hello. I don't know, it's just how I was raised I guess. To be polite.

Anyway, he ended up getting one of those electric carts and was driving around shopping. I saw him again while I was in the produce section picking out some nectarines. He backed his little cart up *BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP*. You know what I'm talking about. Then he started talking to me. He said "Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude. I'm not a creep I promise. I have a wife. I respect women. I'm not trying to be creepy. I'm married and I'm fat and my wife is fat. But I just have to tell you, you are Damn Sexy!"

Um... what? Excuse me? Thank you??? What was I supposed to say? He was trying so hard to be nice and respectful and not creepy but was totally creepy and disrespectful and rude. I was so offended and bothered but didn't want to be rude to him so I just responded, "Oh wow, thank you. That's so nice of you to say..."

Then he kept talking... "Yeah, you are just so sexy. I just wanted to tell you because I think that women should know. And I'm not trying to be creepy. I respect women. And oh I love your rose (*referring to the tattoo on my arm*). Its so pretty. But yeah. You are just so sexy. Are you married? No? Oh. You got kids? No? Really? Are you dating? No? Why Not? Don't want to? Would you date me? If I asked you would you date me?"

By that point I was able to pull away from the conversation. I honestly didn't know what to do. I was so creeped out and bothered by the whole situation and I wished that someone was there with me to save me from the conversation. It was awful and super creepy. Here's a hint, if you have to preface your statement with, "I'm not trying to be creepy..." you are probably a creep and should probably stop talking... Just FYI...

The Comparison Battle

Very rarely do I have an original thought. But let's be honest, how many of us actually have original thoughts? How much of what we think and what we believe and understand comes from what is actually within our own minds and how much of it comes from what we read, hear, or see?

The reason I ask is because I wanted to share yet another thing from a sermon at church that left me feeling convicted. So buckle up for another sermon recap of things that I did not come up with on my own but want to share with others in hopes of spreading the knowledge.

This week's sermon was about comparisons which is something that I unfortunately know all too well. Not only am I guilty of constantly comparing myself to other people based on appearance, fitness, teaching skills, friendships, relationships, etc, but this is something I see every single day with my High School kids. Not that I have the monopoly on comparisons. We all deal with it right? I mean, if we are really honest with ourselves, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. Either putting ourselves down because we aren't like other people, or building ourselves up because we think we are better than other people. Or we see someone's Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook post and just think, "Seriously? I can't believe that person is engaged." Or "I can't believe that person is in Hawaii." Or "I can't believe they are having a baby already." Either way, it's something we all do and it's something that people have been doing for thousands of years.

John 21: 20-15 says:

Peter turned around and saw behind them the disciple Jesus loved - the one who had leaned over to Jesus during supper and asked, "Lord, who will betray you?" Peter asked Jesus, "What about him, Lord?"

Jesus replied, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me." So the rumor spread among the community of believers that this disciple wouldn't die. But that isn't what Jesus said at all. He only said, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is it to you?"

This disciple is the one who testifies to these events and has recorded them here. And we know that his account of these things is accurate.

Jesus also did many other things. If they were all written down, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written.

To give a little background, this conversation between Peter and Jesus happens after Jesus tells Peter to feed his sheep and Follow Him. Jesus also tells Peter how he is going to die. Crazy right? Being told how you are going to die and how if you follow him, your life will be a part of his plan that he already knows the ending to? But Peter doesn't relish in the fact that Jesus is asking him to be a part of his plan. Peter rather focuses on someone else. He asks Jesus, "What about him, Lord?" Seriously? You are with FREAKING JESUS and he is revealing your life to you and inviting you to be a part of His plan and you are worried if someone else has a better plan than you?

Comparison is not something that is new. I mean, for crying out loud, the disciples started comparing themselves to one another even when they asked Jesus who would sit at His right hand in the Kingdom. There are some major problems and pitfalls of comparisons.

1. Comparisons are ALWAYS unfair: we are different people with different gifts. It is not even fair to compare yourself to someone who is completely different from you in every single way.
2. Comparisons rob us of PRECIOUS time: I mean, this one has Peter written all over it right? He was with Jesus in the final recorded moments before his ascension and instead of living in that moment, he is busy comparing himself and his plan to the plans Jesus had for the other disciples.
3. Comparison is NOT measurable: comparisons are not fair because we have no way of measuring who or what is better? Nothing will ever measure up.
4. Comparison puts focus on the WRONG person: God is a God of abundance. He gives us EVERYTHING we need and more. He wants to give things to us and share with us and share in our lives.
5. Comparison lead to RESENTMENT: when things don't measure up, we are going to eventually start resenting. 
6. Comparison deprives us of JOY: when our hearts are filled with resentment, there is no room to rejoice and be glad in the positive things that are happening to others around us or even to ourselves. 

I love Jesus' response to Peter when he compares himself to another disciple: "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what's it to you?" Hilarious right? What's it to you? What do you care? Why does it matter to you? What's even better, is the disciples didn't even understand his snarky response. They all start rumors saying that this disciple is going to live forever or whatever, but that's not at all what he was saying. 

So how do we stop comparing ourselves to others? Cause let's be honest, we all do it. And it's definitely something that I struggle with BIG TIME. 

1. Celebrate your gifts: Ephesians 4:7 says "He has give each one of us a special gift through the generosity of Christ." We all have been given special gifts and if we spend less time worrying about other people and their gift and more time celebrating and nurturing our own gifts, we might live a more content and satisfied life. 
2. Pursue what excited you: within the gifts we are given, put them to use in something that excited you and makes you happy. Don't just celebrate your gifts but use them.
3. Live with Gratitude: Be thankful for what you have. Again, God is a God of abundance and showers us with everything we need. Be thankful for what you have been given. 
4. If you need to compare, compare with yourself: If you can't stop comparing, compare yourself to yourself. Are you better that you were a year ago? Are you close to the Lord? Are you better at your job? Are you a better friend? Sister? Mother? Father?
5. FOLLOW JESUS: this really is the big one and above all of the others, this is the most important. Follow Jesus with your whole heart and there won't be time or room for anything else. 

What is Love?

What is Love even? I was actually asked this question the other day by a student who was working on their capstone project for college. I wasn't exactly sure how to answer this question. Love means so many different things to so many different people.

Are you talking about romantic love?

Brotherly love?

The love/hate I have for my students which some days is more hate than love cause I just want to punch them in the face?

Or are you talking about ultimate love?

The love talked about at every wedding when the pastor reads from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8?

Or the love talked about in 1 John 4:7-21?

So many people go through their whole lives searching for love. Searching for something to fill the hole that is in their lives. So many people look at the pain and suffering in this world and question how God can even exist in the midst of such heartbreak.

And then there are people like me who wonder if love is even in the cards for them. People like me who wish that someone would love them and want to spend the rest of their lives with them. It's crazy how much love drives the things we do.

But then I sit back and look at the people around me. The people who actually do love me. I sit back and look at the opportunity I have to show love to so many people. The students that I get to show love to on a daily basis.

So what is love? What does it look like? Honestly, I think it is all of this. It's putting someone else's needs in front of your own. Love is a daily, minute by minute, second by second recognition and consequent action of thinking of yourself lower than someone else.

It's the over-used 1 Corinthians passage.

It's 1 John 4:7-21 that says:

7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. 8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

9 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. 10 This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. 12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

13 And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. 14 Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 All who declare that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. 16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other[a] because he loved us first.

20 If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer,[b] that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? 21 And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their fellow believers.[c]

It's romantic love. It's brotherly love. It's the love/hate relationships I have with my students.

Love just is. What more do we need then that?

Failure is Not An Option???

At church they have been doing a series called The Ascension where they have been looking at the time Jesus spent with his disciples after his resurrection and before He ascended into heaven. This week the topic was failure. One thing I like about this church, and especially the pastor and his wife is that they are so real. Both of them are very upfront and don't pretend to be anything they aren't. So when I say the message was about failure today, I say that in a sense that not only is failure actually an option, but an inevitable part of life. The message wasn't about how to avoid failure because that is just never going to happen for us. But one thing we can do is learn how to respond to our failure.

The passage today was John 21:1-19 which is a long passage so I will save you from having to read it in detail, but to summarize for you, this is the story of the Disciples fishing all night long and not catching a thing. When they had grown tired of fishing and were on their way in, Jesus called to them from the shore and told them to cast their nets on the other side. When they did, their nets were filled with an abundance of fish. At that moment, Peter knew who was on the shore and jumped out of the boat to meet Jesus. When they all reached the shore, Jesus invited them to eat with him. During this time, Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him. To which Peter replied "Yes, you know that I love you." The first two times, Jesus responded with "Feed my sheep." But the third time, he said two simple words, "Follow Me."

So what are we supposed to do when we fail? Because guess what, we are going to fail. A lot. The first choice we have when we fail, is will we chose to follow our plan or His plan? The disciples had to feel like major failures. This was what they did regularly. They go out and they fish all night. This was their livelihood. And yet they caught nothing. But then Jesus called out to them and told them to throw their nets on the other side. Something I am sure they had tried during their long night of catching nothing. But they listened and is says "they couldn't haul in the nets because there were so many fish in it." His plan is ALWAYS better than our plan. Even if we don't see it right away, His plan is always better.

This truth has been made so apparent to me these last few years. I am extremely familiar with failure. School for me was not an easy road. And I hadn't felt more like a failure when I dropped out of Northridge after failing a semester of classes and having to transfer to a community college. I thought I had my whole life figured out. I would go to school at Cal State Northridge, eventually move down to Northridge, work, become an athletic trainer and work with athletes for the rest of my life. Then two years into school, I still hadn't moved down to Northridge, I wasn't involved in my school and I hated what I was doing. Then my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer and I just felt like a failure. I failed my family by being gone for so long during the week for school. I failed myself because I wasn't going anywhere with my life. And then I stopped going to class because I felt like all I could do was fail.

So I did what I could. I listened to God's plan and pursued a career in teaching. Started going to Cal State Channel Islands but still lived at home with my parents. Even though I was following what I know now was definitely God's plan, it wasn't as clear to me back then. I still felt like a failure living at home with my parents. When I wasn't at school or working, I was taking care of my grandma. I really felt like I had failed at life. It wasn't until I finally finished school that God's plan became more clear to me. After graduating, I really felt the Lord telling me, It's time now. It's time to move and reach out and be the person I created you to be. I later got the job at Bradshaw and moved to Sacramento. Though my time at Bradshaw has had it's ups and downs, it has shaped me and molded me into a confident leader and teacher. If it were not for my time at Bradshaw, I would have never found the confidence to leave and attempt to grow elsewhere. This last week I interviewed at St. Francis Catholic High School and really felt a sense of confidence and peace going into the interview. I was confident that God's plan was better than my own and if this was where He wanted me, He would make it happen. And so I interviewed at 1:30pm and a few short hours later, I got a call offering me the job.

His plan is ALWAYS better than our own. Even when we can't see it.

The second choice we have is will we focus on what other people think of us or what God thinks? When Peter realized that it was Jesus on the shore, he jumped out of the boat and swam to shore. Can you just imagine that? Peter throwing himself out of the boat to go see his Lord? He didn't care what his friends on the boat would think. He only cared what Jesus thought. See, Peter was the same person that denied that he even knew Jesus a few days earlier. He was asked three times if he knew Jesus and he replied, "I don't even know that man." He was afraid of what people would say about him. Afraid of what would happen him if they found out that he was one of Jesus' followers. But now he doesn't care what people think and he throws himself out of a boat for Jesus.

The third choice we have is will we familiarize ourselves with His voice or our comfort? In verse 12, the disciples join Jesus for breakfast but none of them dared to ask Him, 'Who are you?' Because they knew it was their Lord. They knew from the miracle the witnessed and voice that was speaking to them that He was Jesus, yet they didn't recognize his face. Though they didn't recognize him, they chose to trust His voice.

Finally the last choice we have to make is will we fixate on our failure or choose to follow Jesus? Jesus doesn't care about our failures. He is more concerned with our future. Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him three times. And each time he tells him to feed His sheep. But the last time he gives a simple two word direction: "Follow Me."We are going to fail. It's inevitable. But we have a choice. We can fixate on our failures and let it stop us from moving on with our lives, or we can trust that God's plan is better than our own and follow him. I don't know about you, but I chose His plan.