Abba's Child

I have a problem... I love books. I love going to a Barnes and Noble and walking around and smelling new books. I love picking out new books to read. Sometimes I pick them based on a recommendation from other people. Sometimes its based off of reading the back cover or the title. And still many other times it's just based off of the appearance of the book itself (yes I am a terrible consumer and I buy things that look cool...). The problem is, I don't like to read. Probably because I have never been very good at it. I am a slow reader and get distracted easily which usually means I read and re-read things several times before it actually sinks in. So I get my bookstore fix, buy a couple of books (or three or four...), and usually only end up reading one half of one of the books (if I am lucky I finish the whole thing but it usually takes awhile). The rest of the cool-looking books then end up sitting on my bookshelf, taking up space and continuing to look cool, but untouched and never read.

This particular book I bought over a year ago (probably more like two or three years ago) and based off of the water-damage and stains I think it's been sitting in the back of my car for at least a year. But I bought it 1.) because I love the author (whose other book, Ragamuffin Gospel, inspired this little blog about 7 years ago) and 2.) because someone recommended it to me. So after I finished my other two 'secular' books this summer, I decided I should do a little spiritual reading and picked up my beat-up, but never read copy of Abba's Child by the late Brennan Manning.

I could probably write several blogs about this book (one for each chapter probably), but I will try and keep this one short and sweet. Brennan talked about one of our greatest failings and shortcomings that we face as Christians. We are plagued with low self-esteem. We feel unloved or worse not capable of being loved. We more often see ourselves as sinners instead of saints. We hide our true selves from other people and from God. "Many Christians... find themselves defeated by the most psychological weapon that Satan uses against them. This weapon has the effectiveness of a deadly missile. Its name? Low self-esteem. Satan's greatest psychological weapon is a gut level feeling of inferiority, inadequacy, and low self-worth. This feeling shackles many Christians, in spite of wonderful spiritual experiences and knowledge of God's Word. Although they understand their position as sons and daughters of God, they are tied up in knots, bound by a terrible feeling of inferiority, and chained to a deep sense of worthlessness."

The problem that so many of us (myself definitely included) face is that we fail to see ourselves as God sees us; as Sons and Daughters of the living God. We let the impostor within us run our lives and tell us that we are worthless and unworthy of God's love. "The reason we never enter into the deepest reality of our relationship with God is that we so seldom acknowledge our utter nothingness before him. His love which called us into existence, calls us to come out of self-hatred and to step into His truth. 'Come to me now,' Jesus says. 'Acknowledge and accept who I want to be for you: a Savior of boundless compassion, infinite patience, unbearable forgiveness, and love that keeps no score of wrongs. Quit projecting onto Me your own feelings about yourself. At this moment your life is a bruised reed and I will not crush it, a smoldering wick and I will not quench it. You are in a safe place.'"

What I have taken from this book is that we ourselves have to forgive and forget the faults in our own lives. Jesus died on the cross for our sins and we have been forgiven of those sins. We have been washed white as snow and can now be called Children of the Most High. It's time that we start seeing ourselves like that. I'm not saying we go about our lives as normal, but to live in the presence of the Most High and feel comfortable in our Abba's arms and to get to know the Rabbi whose sacrifice saved us all. We must accept the failures and faults in our own lives and use them as part of our story to help encourage and love others along the way. "The reconciled heart says that everything that has happened to me had to happen to make me who I am - without exception." "Our depressions, jealousies, narcissism, and failures are not at odds with the spiritual life. Indeed, they are essential to it."

When we finally begin to embrace our shortcomings and failures and begin to see ourselves as children of God, we can begin to see others in the same light. Our soul purpose in life, the greatest commandment that was given to us is to love God and to love others. "Love is the key to everything. Living and loving are one... The success or failure of a given day is measured by the quality of our interest and compassion toward those around us. We define ourselves by our response to human need. The question is not how we feel about our neighbor but what we have done for him or her. We reveal our heart in the way we listen to a child, speak to the person who delivers the mail, bear an injury, and share our resources with the indigent."

So what's the point? How do we move past our shortcomings and rise above our low self esteem? How do we silence the impostor within us who tells us we are worthless? How do we live a life that glorifies and pleases our Abba? How do we find true happiness? "Wise men and women have long held that happiness lies in being yourself without inhibitions. Let the Great Rabbi hold you silently against His heart. In learning who He is, you will find out who you are: Abba's child in Christ our Lord."