Cue the Waterworks

I'm not sure if I have written about this before. Which is silly because it's something that has been a part of me for the majority of my life. Anyone who spends any significant amount of time talking to me probably knows this as well. But I cry. I know everyone cries, even if you say you don't, there is always a breaking point. Some people cry when they are in physical pain, with others it's emotional pain. Still others cry when they are happy. And many many others cry when they are sad. Everyone cries.

I cry. Now, when I say that I cry, I don't mean like when I am sad or happy. Yes I cry at those times, but I cry a lot more than just those times. I cry when I am sad. I cry when I am happy. I cry when I am embarrassed. I cry when I am angry. I cry when I am intimidated. I cry when I am nervous. I cry when I watch certain movies (even when I have seen them several times...). I cry when I hear certain songs. I cry when I talk about crying. I cry.

Now of course there are different levels of crying. When I say that I cry I don't mean that I am constantly in a state of weeping uncontrollably (though I do get there on occasion), but my eyes fill with tears on a fairly regular basis. I have learned throughout the years to hide this from the world and choke back the tears from leaving my eyes. People who cry are weak. They are emotional basket-cases who are a burden to others around them. Who wants to be around someone who cries all the time? So I learned to hide it from people around me. I acted tough. I wore sunglasses (or glasses if I was indoors) to try and hide my tears. Only my closest friends and family would ever know the truth about me and my waterworks.

Now hiding who you are is not healthy and I realize that. So about three years ago instead of hiding the fact that I cry, I decided to make a joke of it. I mean, if you don't like something about yourself, why not make a joke of it and laugh along with everyone else right? Through the joking and the laughing I have come to a point where I just realize this is who I am. I am person who cries a lot. It's reality. I am a person that when watching Les Mis for the fifth time, cries during the epilogue. I am a person who cries out of frustration when her doctor isn't being very helpful and is trying to minimize her pain. I am a person that cries when she says goodbye.

Last night I said goodbye to the first friend that I made when I moved up here. She is moving to Florida in a couple weeks and I won't see her again for awhile. I am so thankful for the time I got to spend with her and the knowledge and wisdom that she spoke into my life. I am thankful that I got to spend time with her new little guy Atticus. I am thankful for who she is and so excited for her family's new adventure in Florida. But last night I had to say goodbye.

I cried the whole way home.