Flawz

So overdone, but never said enough...

Psalm 139
¹ You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made;
your works are WONDERFUL,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

God Provides

God is so good and He never ceases to amaze me how He always provides. I was coming out of this summer and going into this last semester of school, broke and broken, stressed about money and trying desperately to find a job in order to pay for this semester of school on top of my other bills. Then, out of no where, when I was close to the end of the rope, God provided. I was just offered well over the amount of my tuition in Grants which will help me cover the remaining cost of books, parking, and maybe even a laptop sometime in the future... Thank You God for always providing for me! Lord I am AMAZED by You! You are so Good!!!

I was listening to a sermon last weekend about discontentment in our relationship with Christ. The pastor mostly talked about how discontentment is actually a good thing in our faith. We should never be at a place in our relationship where we think we have enough. We should always be desiring more and more of Christ. We should desire to be closer and closer and to know more and more about Him.

I was really convicted and somewhat encouraged by that sermon. I have never really been where I want to be in my walk with Christ and I think that's ok. I think it's really easy as Christians to get complacent in our walks and I struggle with that sometimes. We should be desiring more.

"When I search for You everyday, I find how whole you make me. When I lay down all of my will, I am found within Your love."

This is my desire. To search for Christ everyday. And to find myself in His love.

Remember when a High School boy last week said, "Michaela, you look beautiful tonight"? Why should something like that make me want to cry? Probably because it was the nicest, most genuine thing I have ever heard from a guy. Even though he is in High School and it is slightly weird and inappropriate, it kinda brought tears to me eyes.

Saying Goodbye, Going away.
Seems like Goodbye's such a hard thing to say.
Touching a hand, wondering why,
It's time for saying Goodbye.

Saying Goodbye, why is it sad?
Makes us remember the good times we've had.
Much more to say, foolish to try,
It's time for saying Goodbye.

Don't want to leave, but we both know
Sometimes it's better to go
Somehow I'll know, we'll meet again
Not sure quite where, and I don't know just when.
You're in my heart, so until then,
Wanna smile, wanna cry,
Saying Goodbye.

Today's goodbye was hard. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because it was my last roommate. Maybe it's just too many goodbye's over and over again. Maybe my heart is just hurting and is finally letting loose. But today I cried. A lot. Why do Goodbyes hurt so much? Even ones that aren't real goodbyes but more see you later's?

Notty...

Welp... Summer program is now over. So many thoughts and feelings have been rushing through me these last few days. I plan on writing a full summary of the summer in a few days when I finish processing the whole summer, but for now I would just like to say that I have been stretched and bent in so many different ways this summer and it has been a blessing to watch God work in my life and the lives of others around me. It really was/is a blessing to have worked with such amazing people and I am so sad to see them go (there is nothing like going through the 5 stages of grief over and over again over the course of a week as you watch people leave). But I am so excited to see and hear how God will work in their lives this year!

Today I go back to hosting with three groups, including Camp Spin Off with DJ Tina T! Can't wait!

Baby You're a Firework!!!

I don't know if anyone saw the VC star the other day, but maybe some FHOV staffies were in it... They were a little crazy at the Parade... Standard! (We are also in the Ojai Valley news if you get that subscription...)

Dream Maker

This week I was given the amazing opportunity to be a Dream Maker for about 100 terminally ill kids ages 4-14. Going into the week, I had no idea what to expect. My naive mind thought I would be surrounded with visibly sick and feeble kids that would pull at my heart strings and cause me to spend the week hiding my tears behind my sunglasses. Upon arrival day, this was apparently not the case. As kids started pouring out of cars and busses, I was shocked at how normal these kids looked. Yeah, some were losing or have lost their hair, a few had some physical disabilities, but after watching them play and run around camp for about an hour, it was evident that these were just normal kids who just wanted to play and have fun!

This summer our staff is studying some of the Pslams and this week we were studying Psalm 27. Reading through this Psalm about fear and God being the stronghold of our lives was a great way for our staff to start the week and as I went about my week, I repeated verse 13 which says, "I remain confident in this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living." There were so many times this week where I saw the "goodness of the LORD in the land of the living," but for now I will only share two of them...

The first way I saw the goodness of the LORD was when I was working REC. This week at REC we sort of cut back on some of the rules we have and allowed anyone who wanted to go on the Zipline go. Basically the rule was if they could fit in a harness and were within the weight limit, we would figure out a way to let them go. There were a few kids who weren't strong enough to carry the rope up to the launch tower so our staff had to carry the rope up to the to of the hill a few dozen times a day. For those of you who are not familiar with our Zipline, carrying the rope up the hill can be very tiring and it's not usually something you want to do in 95 degree heat with 50% humidity. But our staff gave 110% to helping kids take the rope up the hill. We also had some kids who couldn't climb down the dismount ladders, so I took it upon myself to climb up and carry them down the ladder. There was one little boy who was maybe 8 years old that I carried down the ladder that honestly just melted my heart. Normally I hate walking up the hill, but I found myself putting myself on the Rover position just to run the rope up and down the hill with the little kids. I even found myself volunteering to come in on my day off to work REC just so I could hang out with the kids again. The last day of REC, the little boy who melted my heart the first day came back to REC to ride the Zipline and I literally ran over to Nicki and offered to carry him down the dismount tower when he came down. He came down the Zipline and I carried him off the tower. Then he wanted to go on the other Zipline so I carried him up the hill to the launch tower. As we were walking up the hill, we were chatting and he kept pulling my sunglasses up off my face and started staring into my eyes. I finally asked him if he just wanted to see my eyes and he said yes. I sat up at the top of the hill with him for a bit before he went on the Zipline. Right before he went on the Zipline he made sure that I would be at the bottom to carry him down the ladder again. I promised him I would and ran down the hill to carry him down the ladder again. To see the joy on his face as he rode the Zipline and to hear him cheer and yell in excitement really reminded me of the goodness of the LORD.

The second way I saw the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living was Thursday night. Thursday was Africa day and our staff was asked to be the African entertainment for the night. We put together an African drumming routine accompanied with an African dance and preformed it for the kids. Then we taught the dance to the kids and invited them onto the stage to dance and play drums with us. After playing drums, I went up to the sound booth to play some African music and got to witness what I believe was the most beautiful moment of my life. Seeing the kids dancing and singing on stage with the rest of our staff was such a beautiful thing that it honestly brought tears to my eyes. That night, one of the main leaders also pointed out a girl who had rode the Zipline probably around 10 times this week who was on stage dancing with the biggest smile on her face. The leader told me that this particular girl will be lucky if she makes it through the next two weeks. To see her so full of joy in this particular moment and to think of the fun that she had all week long made me so thankful to have been a part of this amazing organization.

Please continue to pray for healing for these kids. Pray for protection as they go back home/the hospital (since some literally came straight from the hospital and will be going straight back to the hospital tomorrow) tomorrow. And pray that we will continue to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living!!!

Dream Street

I am so excited to write this post and tell you all of the amazing opportunity I am given this coming week. Next week we do not have program camp but will have a guest group coming (/some are already here) called Dream Street (click on Kids Camp and watch the video... it's awesome!). They are a nonprofit organization that organizes camps for terminally ill kids in order to make their dreams come true. As I write this, some of their volunteers are transforming camp into a Dream center for about 100 campers ages 4-14 who will be arriving tomorrow for what we hope to be the best week of their lives. They are bringing in so much stuff, from 10 tons of snow to a ferris wheel, petting zoo, bouncy houses and so much more.

In addition to this being the best week of these kid's lives, there is a high possibility that this could be the last week of their lives. They have had campers die at camp which is something I am trying to prepare myself for. But I am so encouraged to know that God is so much bigger then these kid's illnesses and could at any moment heal each and every one of these campers.

Please pray for these kids who are coming. Pray for safety and protection for each and every kid this week. And pray for healing for these kids. Most of them have been given a death sentence with their diagnoses, but God is the ultimate healer and is bigger then those diagnoses. Pray that this can be the best week of these kid's lives. And pray that they will come to know Christ through their week here.

Also pray for our staff. Pray that we will not get in the way of what God has in store for these kids this week. This is not a Christian camp so pray that we will be examples of Christ's love to each and every person, kids and volunteers alike, we encounter this week. Pray that God's love will come pouring out of us this week. Pray for strength and courage as we encounter some very sick children.

And finally please pray for me. Pray that God will keep my emotions in check (especially around our campers). Pray that I will be filled with Joy this week as I will be witnessing so much sadness. Pray that no matter what happens this week, I will be able to say Blessed be Your name! I am terrified about this week, but at the same time I am so excited!!! I really do think that this could be one of the best weeks of my life and it is all for the Glory of God! Most importantly please pray that God will be glorified in every aspect of this week!

To God be the Glory! Forever and Ever! Amen!

A Pixilated Life

Our first week of program camp is now over and I am so excited for the rest of the summer. This last week ran so smoothly and God was absolutely present and moving in the lives of our students, youth leaders, and staff this week.

Our theme this summer is "A Pixilated Life." We are looking at the life of David and how twice in the Bible, we are told that he was a "Man after God's own heart" yet if we zoom in at the pixels that make up the BIG story of his life, we see that there are some very dark pixels in his life. We are looking at David the poet, David the musician, David the warrior, David the adulterer, David the liar, David the murderer... All sides of David, and yet he can be called a man after God's own heart because God has used those dark and light pixels to create a beautiful story of David's life that is still just a small part of God's BIG picture. We are also turning that around and talking about how we are also a part of God's BIG picture. That all of our own dark and light pixels that make up the story of our lives are a part of God's BIGGER picture. It is a really cool theme that applies so well to the lives of our students, leaders, and staff.

Like I said, the first week of program went so well and it's mainly due to the amazing staff that we have again this year. True, a lot of our staff are returning from last year (about 70% of our staff are returners), but our staff has just done a really good job of being energetic and helpful. They also are great at keeping an eye out for each other and giving support when others are feeling weak. Being a part of a community like this is such a blessing and really reminds me of what the early Church looked like. I am so excited to see what God has planned for us the rest of this summer!