Sweetly Broken

Two weeks of camp down and I am already feeling it. I love camp. Don't get me wrong. But this week was a little rough for me. I am not sure why. I don't think it was the low numbers (only 50 campers which was different but really neat to be able to connect with all of the campers and to show love to all of them). This week Ryan spoke which made me so happy! It was so nice to have Amber (for the first couple of days) and Ryan and the girls around for the week. So it wasn't the speaker... The band was the same as the week before so it wasn't that... Maybe I'm just tired... Maybe I am just feeling like I have to do everything myself. I know I don't have to. I have amazing people around me who are all there for the same reasons. So why was this week so hard? I don't have an answer right now... Maybe I'll come up with one. Maybe I won't. Maybe it was that the week started out a little stressful. Holly was gone Sunday and Monday (she flew home for her grandpa's funeral) which made me feel like I need to pick up the slack. Not that her leaving creates slack or that it is even my place to pick up the slack, but... Does this make any sense? Don't get me wrong, our staff is amazing and it speaks volumes that Holly was even comfortable and confident enough in our staff to leave for a couple days. Maybe I just need to be thankful and happy for another great week of camp. Maybe the best way I can explain how I feel is that I feel broken. And I think that's ok...

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

I don't want this to sound like "Woe is me, I am so hurt... BooHoo." I am actually loving camp and everything in it. The people, the campers, the program, the music, and the staff! It's all great and I am so happy! This week was just weird I guess... But camp is great and I love it! I took a lot of pictures this last week (including the 4th of July) and you should go check them out if you have time. Please continue to pray for camp. We have another week with low numbers that we would love to fill. Pray for the continued health of our staff (a lot of people have been sick on and off which makes camp hard). Pray for rest for our staff and energy and excitement to love every person comes into camp.

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb

Program starts tomorrow!!! I can't believe it's already here! I am so excited to have campers around and to actually get to run the program that we have been preparing for the last three weeks. I have loved getting to know our summer family but I am ready for some campers.

This last week was kinda crazy with lifeguard classes, CPR, First Aid... We did some surf training on Thursday and let's just say, there is probably a very good reason I have never surfed before... The ocean scares me! I don't like the waves and the cold and the salt... gross... I tried it out for a bit but kept freaking out. Maybe another time and another place. We finished up our opener and skits Thursday night (earlier than previous years which makes me feel pretty confident in our staff). We are doing a STOMP routine for the opener which is super fun and I hope it goes well tomorrow... Next week I will be a team lead for the Green Fenders which basically means I (with the help of other staff members on my team; Jay, Lauren, and Derek) am in charge of around 50ish students and counselors. We will lead them in cheers, games, and solo time debriefs. I will also be driving the surf vehicles on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons (the kids can sign up for surf classes and the staff members who are 21 and older and trained on vehicles, drive them back and forth from Mondos beach...). I will also be working some recreation throughout the week and helping Murphy with A/V stuff (sound, lights, PPT) for our evening gatherings and Camp's Got Talent.

As far as the title of this entry goes, one of our games we will be playing this week is called Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb. It involves two sets of three campers in two very large TShirts filled with McDonalds balls and Water Balloons running to the end of the field and back... We had to practice all of our competitions and this one was probably my favorite! We also have Kick N Slide, Octopuzzle, and Surf O War... So Fun! Time for Program! Please keep myself and the rest of our staff in your prayers as we start Program tomorrow. Also please pray for the churches and campers that will be joining us this summer. There are a few weeks of camp with very low number so please pray that camp will fill. If you know of any youth groups who are looking for a camp send them our way. We would love to have some campers!

Bitchin' Tub!

Two weeks into camp and I can't wait for campers to arrive! I met my new summer family two weeks ago and have been so blessed to spend so much time with each and every one of them. The first week was full of the usual meetings (sexual harassment, fire extinguisher training, cart training, driver's ed, clean sweep... ). Ok, maybe only the first two are your "typical" meetings, but the others were no less awesome! Last weekend most of our summer family came over to relax, watch movies and eat... and I even got to go to church last weekend... I nearly died laughing (not really cause that would be really embarrassing) when Pastor Paul started a new series on Restoration (it's our camp theme for the summer and I found it pretty ironic). Last week was full of programing and planning for campers to arrive... Next week will be rehearsing and prep for our first week of camp. I am so excited!

We have all been creating so many new memories from camp (including at least 10 hours of road trip time) and I will leave you with the reason for the title of this entry.

1) Family dinner night.
The full time staff at FHOV made dinner for all of us and we all went to their different houses for dinner and then to Sharon's new house for dessert. They are remodeling the house and it wasn't quite finished yet so we played some Sardines. Towards the end of the game, we were all crammed into a tini toilet closet in the bathroom... we were all completely silent and out of the blue Bree (A-Team lead and great new friend!) says, "Bitchin' Tub!" We all died laughing and gave away our position...

Camp really has been great so far but please continue to pray for all of us. People have been getting sick and tired so please pray that we all stay healthy and get everything done this week (before campers arrive).

Obsessed

This last weekend I took some of my kids to see Obsessed (don't worry... not the elementary kids... another staff member who could drive a van took them to see the Hannah Montana movie...). The movie was pretty wild and definitely had it's creepy parts but what I liked the most was my kids reaction to the movie.

Have you ever been in a movie where people clap and cheer when good things happen? Well this weekend, those annoying kids that clap and cheer like they are at home where my kids. The movie Obsessed is about this man who gets a promotion and is stalked by at temp worker in his new building. At one point (well actually several points) in the movie she throws herself at him and he sternly rejects her because he loves his wife and he would never cheat on her. As he stormed out of the bathroom (that she had followed him into) my kids erupted in cheers and applause. I had to tell them to keep it down a few times (there were other people in the theater and I felt bad) but what they don't know is I was actually really proud of them. How many movies do we see now-a-days where the husband is cheating on the wife or the wife is cheating on the husband or whatever. My kids love that stuff (I watch that stuff too and it doesn't seem to phase me)... But for them to actually recognize that it is wrong for a husband (or a wife) to cheat on their spouse... I am proud.

Outdoor Ed is Wednesday which starts a very busy three weeks before camp. I also got offered a photography job helping to shoot my friend's wedding. I really want to make it work out but I'm not sure if I can get off work... I hope I can because that would be super fun and a great experience!

Prisoner of Hope

Allie Moss came out with an new EP and this is probably my favorite of the 7 songs. I really like the lyrics and Allie's voice is just beautiful. If you get a chance, you should check it out.

Prisoner of Hope
by Allie Moss

The bar is set so high that I can walk right under
Can't reach even on my tippy toes
No matter how far I've run in training for this marathon
I trip and fall, lose by a nose

Then something taps me on the shoulder
I listen when it's older than me

CHORUS:
It says, Look up
Reach out your hand
You can't see anything new
'til you change where you stand
I'll throw you a rope
You know you're just a fellow prisoner of hope

Another day, another no
Sucker punch leaves me bunched on the floor (woe is me)
This is when I fall into a downward spiral
Negative thoughts feed vanity (and I'm so hungry)
Then something taps me on the shoulder
I listen when it's older than me

CHORUS
It says, Look up
Reach out your hand
You can't see anything new
'til you change where you stand
I'll throw you a rope
You know you're just a fellow prisoner of hope

From the high wall
Sometimes all we see is how hard we could fall
So what if we do
Rise mud-scraped and bruised
Maybe we have to be a little bit broken to hear hope call

CHORUS
It says, Look up
Reach out your hand
You can't see anything new
'til you change where you stand
I'll throw you a rope
You know you're just a fellow prisoner of hope

I think my favorite line is "Maybe we have to be a little bit broken to hear hope call"...

This weekend at work was my last sleepover duty of this school year. It was a really long weekend with Friday being up with a kid until 1am (long story that I can't share but you can pray for her) but I felt this overwhelming sense that God really wanted me there this weekend. I had traded sleepover duties with another dorm parent so I can go to my friend's wedding in two weeks and I know that God has His hand in that. Not only with Friday night but also Saturday night. I walked into one of my kid's rooms to say goodnight and turn the lights out and found two other girls (who were not supposed to be in there because it was lights out and they are supposed to be in their own rooms when it's lights out). One of the girls asked me, "Miss Michaela, what's the difference between Catholic and Christian?" I knew the one girl asking was Catholic (she's from Mexico and it's usually safe to assume that they are Catholic) but the other girl, from what I understand, has no beliefs in any sort of god. I chatted with them for a bit explaining the difference between Catholic/Christian/Jewish Beliefs then the other girl (the one who doesn't believe in God but apparently has a Jewish background) said, "I don't believe in God because how could a god let all of this bad stuff happen? If there was a god, wouldn't he just stop all of the bad things from happening?" Oh the age old question. I talked to her about Creation and the fall of man and how we all have a choice to do what it right and wrong. The conversation probably lasted a good 20 minutes (after lights out mind you...). I eventually had to tell her that I would love to talk to her more about any sort of questions she has but she needed to go to bed because it was way past lights out and I still had to go say goodnight to the rest of the dorm. Despite the long weekend, I was really glad I was there to deal with Friday night and this conversation on Saturday night.

Three more weekends for this school year and then it's off to Forest Home (haha... off to... it's down the street... but you know what I mean...). I am finishing up a Term Paper Outline (it was supposed to be a 5 page Term Paper but he decided to make it easy on us and made it just an outline). Math homework is done, I just have to finish up the review problems to study for the final which I will take on Monday. It's almost summer and I am so excited!

Let The Sunshine In!

Yes! The sun is back (both literally and figuratively I guess...) and I am so happy! I can't stand this back and forth weather... I would just like to see the sun from now until late fall thank you!

Last week as kinda a downer. I went swimming Tuesday night at OVS (the pool is being heated again so it's super nice!) and I put my hand down on a bee... My middle finger was about twice it's normal size and hurt pretty bad which was not fun. I did however discover that we didn't have a bee kit down at the pool which could be a huge safety issue if one of the kids got stung and not me... I also got a letter Tuesday night from CSUCI denying my transfer for this fall semester... I know I've been out of the whole school thing for about a year but the last few months I have been really excited about finishing school and moving towards a teaching career so the news really sucked and made me super sad! They said that I hadn't completed my math requirements which is a lie because I got a 5 on the AP Calculus test (4 years ago...). But since I didn't send them my scores, it didn't count... Thankfully I decided to take a Pre-Calc class this semester (just for a little review... the class was online and it's super easy... I got 100% on the midterm... easy...). The transcripts I sent CSUCI didn't show that I was currently taking a math class so I dropped off some new transcripts showing my current class load and after a couple days they reconsidered and accepted me on a conditional basis... you know... as long as I don't fail my math class...

Last night we took the kids to see Earth. It's this new Disney documentary... The whole time I was just reminded of how great our God is. How everything fits together so perfectly that only a Creator could have designed... It was pretty awesome... I also came to the realization last night that I love my kids... They are rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful, mean, and spoiled brats... but I love them.

That's all... Just a few realization and a good day and I am happy. Six more weeks of this school year and then camp starts up and I can't wait!

Also... I took some photos a couple weeks ago and I like how they turned out... Thanks for letting me use your camera Ryan!

Never Judge a Book By It's Cover

Today, Sharon at Forest Home showed me this video. I am sure some of you who keep up with the news have heard of this lady, but if you haven't (or even if you have) you have to watch this video on YouTube of a great singer named Susan Boyle. Now, there are a few reasons why I like this lady: 1) She is 47 years old and still pursuing her dream of becoming a singer, 2) she lives alone with her cat and is a little nutty, 3) she sings I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserables (which is one of my all time fav songs!), and 4) NO ONE thought "now this is going to be a good singer" when she walked out onto the stage. It sucks how much we judge people by their apperence. Susan Boyle walked out on that stage and was literally laughed at and judged by everyone in the theater (and probably everyone watching the show), but she was a rock star and pulled out a very difficult song with nothing but class!

I spent the last week at Forest Home here in Ojai. I got to hang out with 5th graders all week and I loved it! Outdoor Ed was so much fun! I got to teach a drama class which was super fun because I got to be in the teacher role for once and from what I heard, I did a good job. Lifeguarding everyday was great and I got some much needed sun (still need some more but it the tan will get there... don't worry...). Changing 4 times a day, teaching classes, learning tye dye, running zip line, lifeguarding, campfires... Couldn't have been any better! Can't wait for summer!

When It Rains...

Where did that saying come from? Anyone? Ryan, you'll know... Anyway, the saying goes "When it rains, it pours." And while I don't feel like I am at my whits end, it has been one of those last couple of weeks. Let me fill you in since I have become so bad a doing that lately.

Maybe about two weeks ago I went to turn on my already dumb computer and I was immediately directed to a black screen with Courier like font saying something along the lines of, "Media connection not found... blah blah blah" and then it would go back to the black screen and repeat until I turned it off... Awesome! Broken computer. (sarcasm is hard to type but I hope you get the idea). So I took it into Fry's and had them run a diagnostic (that would cost me $69.99) with the small hope that it was only a minor problem and could easily be fixed. Unfortunately before my computer was even fully checking in, they told me it was a bad hard drive and I should replace it. I told them I didn't want to do that yet and had them finish the diagnostic to see if anything could be saved... Turns out it was a bum hard drive and I could buy a new, pay to have it installed, and pay for them to install windows back onto my compuer for somewhere around $400. Seeing that the computer was only $700 new, I am pretty sure it's not worth it... Luckily I got smart a few months back and started backing up my computer in the event that it would one day crash on me. I am just praying that the backups worked and my music is on that external hard drive. I think I would be much more sad if my music was gone.

Well that brings me to last week and my Salmonella scare. I came home Sunday night from work, super tired and with a small headache. After dozing on the couch for about an hour, I went to bed at 7pm and slept until 9am. I felt better in the morning after getting all that sleep and so I went to Ventura and ran some errands (including dropping off my laptop at Fry's). One of my errands included a stop at Trader Joe's to pick up some stuff for Home Group that night. Seeing that it was almost 1 in the afternoon and I hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch, I picked up some mixed nuts to eat on the way home. After a couple of handfulls of nuts, I started to feel super sick to my stomach and my headache came back in full force. When I got home I crashed onto the couch and slept for 3 hours. I felt sort of drunk when I woke up (you know the feeling when you have slept so much that you wake up and you aren't totally sure what's going on?) but my stomach was better so I made my salad and got in my car to go to Home Group. Backing out of the driveway, I forgot about the Chrysler in the driveway (which was dumb because it is always there and I knew it was there because I saw it there) and I backed into it giving it a great 2 foot red stripe down the back fender and giving my car a couple of dents and white stripes on my back fender. I went into the house and told my mom that I backed into the Chrysler and appologized to her and Janae. My mom asked if I was ok to drive and I said yes, I was just being dumb and not paying attention. Tuesday I found out that there was a small Salmonella outbreak in pistachio nuts which freaked me out a little since the mixed nuts I ate had pistachios in it. My mom immediately put me on detox with juices and lots of water. While I had a headache all of Tuesday and Wednesday, I didn't start to feel nauseous again until Thursday morning. Despite feeling a little ill, I went down to Biola with Holly and Mallory to help do some summer staff interviews. It was super fun to hang out with Holly and Mal and meet some of the people who could potentially be part of my summer staff family, but I was kinda feeling terrible the whole time. As the day went on, I just started to feel worse and I barely made it home before... well, you know what happens when you are nauseous all day. You don't need to know the details. I went straight to bed (6:30pm) and slept until 7:30am when my mom woke me up to check on me. I still had a terrible headache and was a little nauseous so I slept for a couple more hours before deciding that I needed to get up and shower and see if I could make it to work. I did make it to work which was sort of painful, but by the end of the weekend, I was feeling much better (minus the headache that seemed to last all week and would not go away even with medicine... wierd). I don't actually think I had Salmonella, but it was an interesting coincidence that I got the "flu" after eating some potentially contaminated nuts...

Hm... What else? Oh, then sometime last week (I think Thursday-ish), my "check engine" light came on in my car and I started to notice all of the little quirks my car had and I realized I should probably take it in to make sure nothing was wrong with it. $125 later I find out that the gas cap wasn't on tight enough causing some minor leaks.

This post seems pretty whiney (and it kinda is) but there is good. Thank God I got smart and backed up my computer ahead of time. Thank God I am alive and if I had salmonella or didn't have salmonella, it wasn't worse than it could have been. Thank God it was only the dumb gas cap that wasn't on all the way and it wasn't my transmission or something that would cost me a lot more than $125. For now I am enjoying a relaxing Spring Break with Janae (and I think Sarah is coming home tonight... Sister Fro-Yo Barge?). I have the next two weekends off of work, which means I actually can go to church on Easter Sunday and spend time with my familia. Next week I am working Outdoor Education at Forest Home which I am SUPER excited about! I get to teach a drama class to a bunch of 5th graders one day along with lifeguarding, tie-dye, climbing wall, zip-line, campfires (my ultimate fav!), and all of the wonderful things of camp life that I love! After that there are only 6 more weeks at OVS, then I move into Forest Home for the summer! It's kinda crazy but I am super excited about what God has planned for these next few months of my life!

I Can't Get No... Satisfaction...

The last couple of weekends at work have been a little rough... Just crazy kids and not a whole lot of support from other staff members has left me coming home in tears from being so exhausted! This weekend was no different. My kids were sick and the nurse had to come in three times this weekend (she is on call for "emergencies" and we try to not call her unless something is seriously wrong with our kids; she should never have to come in three times especially when it's for the same kid). Anyway, it was frustrating and hard and I left Sunday sad and wondering if I was making a difference in these kids lives. All I want is for these kids to feel loved and these last few weekends I have been so heartbroken because I don't feel like I am making a difference. I was chatting with my parents at dinner Sunday night after work and I remembered a conversation that I had with one of my kids on Friday night that almost brought me to tears.

One of my kids I have known for the last 3 years. He came here with no guardians and we had almost zero contact with his parents (sound familiar Amber and Ryan? This is a boy... not Chris). My mom worked really hard to find him a guardian (trying to be his guardian herself... the school wouldn't let her; conflict of interest) and sort of took him under her wing. We have kinda all taken him in and kept an eye on him at school for the last few years (he's one of our "year-round" kids; he's here all school year and 9 weeks during the summer). Anyway, Friday he came into my office (well, it's Dave's office and Dave was gone so I was him for the afternoon and I was in his office) and looked a little sad. I asked him how he was doing and he said he was tired of all of the drama at school. I asked him to elaborate and as he was getting ready to tell me one of the sixth grade girls came in asking him to come out and talk to him. I told her she could tell me too and she was very vague and didn't want to. Anyway, this kid told her that if she wanted to talk to him, she could say it in front of me because he was going to tell me everything that was going on anyway. She was shocked that he was going to tell me the drama and this was his response, "Miss Michaela is like my older sister. I tell her everything." Wow! Sister? Really? I had no idea that this was how he felt. He went on to tell me about the drama and I gave him my two sense about the whole thing which he appreciated and took to heart. It was so nice to actually feel like I was making a difference in at least one kid's lives. It's enough to keep me going back every weekend. Next weekend is Parent Weekend which is usually really sad and hard so please pray for me and my kids (especially the one's who's parents will not be visiting them).

"Christians" vs "Christians"???

Today I was watching some reruns on Lifetime (yes I am a nerd sometimes) and I came across a show that almost brought me to tears: Anyone familiar with the show Wifeswap? Well, the basis of the show is to find two very different families (usually they are messed up, broken families) and the "new moms" come in and switch things up to try and "teach" the new families how other families function. Anyway, I got caught watching it today and it really broke my heart. The first family, the Child's family, were super conservative, Bible-thumping Christians who believe the father is the Ruler of the household and the mother is his "Help-mate." They have two 18 year-old daughters, a 17 year old son, a 13 year old daughter, a 10 year old daughter, and a 2 year old daughter. They all have "chosen" not to date and pray and believe that God will reveal their spouse to them when the time is right. The second family, the Beckman-Heari... something family, were Liberal Christians, where the father is a super educated ex-preacher who has 3 masters degree in theology and a PhD in Bible and can read and speak 8 languages. The mother is a powerhouse executive who "brings home the bacon" while the husband is the "stay at home mom." They believe that their childern should think for themselves and are they are allowed to slack on their chores.

As the intro to the show ran, I started to laugh at the crazy families... But it didn't take long (maybe 2 minutes into the show) for me to realize how sad this episode actually was. The conservative father admitted, with pride I might add, that he "brainwashes" his children and he has been "brainwashing" them since birth. When their 13 year old daughter started to express an interest in having a career as well as taking care of her family, the father removed her from the house to "protect" her from the new mom's "worldly" influence. The other father mocks "Bible-thumpers" by enthusiastically praying and singing songs like "The B-I-B-L-E. Yes that's the book for me..."

Anyway, the show made me really sad to see how wrong both of these families were and what a terrible example they were of what a Christian is and should be. Neither of the families had it right and I just pray that something will change in those families.