Word Vomit

Ok... So I tried to be good about blogging, but for some reason I can't seem to sit down at a computer long enough to process all of the thoughts that I would like to share with you. My laptop crashed about six months ago and since then I have been sharing a computer with Janae and my parents. A couple of years ago, it wouldn't have made a difference because my parents hardly even knew what a computer was (just kidding guys... that's an exaggeration). But as they learn more and more about it (Facebook for example), I seem to see less and less of the computer. And when I do see the computer I feel bad sitting there for hours at a time spilling out my thoughts for the world to see (or the two people who actually read my blog)...

Let's try and do a quick catch up shall we....

Work started a couple of weeks ago and it has been going really well for the most part. I have a new boss this year and she isn't around as much as Dave was which puts me in charge a lot. I don't have a problem taking charge but it kinda sucks to not be getting paid for it... Our kids this year are great so far. No major problems as of yet but it's still pretty early in the year. Last weekend was rather exhausting. We have this one little boy who is a 10 year old 6th grader with severe ADD, depression, etc. He doesn't have any friends which means he is with a staff member at all times. Guess who had him all weekend? Yup... I was really tired. But I really feel bad for the kid. We'll see if he makes it through until Thanksgiving but I am kinda thinking he won't... I've been spending more time with the boys this year (when I am "in charge" it's easier to be in the boy's dorm because it is more centrally located on campus... plus most of the staff members hate being in the boys dorm anyway so I figure I can take it).

School... Oh school... school is ok but stressful and busy. I really like three of my four classes and absolutely hate my forth class (computers). It's one of those classes that almost makes you forget that you like your other classes because of the big black cloud hovering over you making you not even want to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe that's being dramatic but I actually really hate it...

I've decided I hate my birthday. I love other people's birthdays. I love celebrating them and enjoying them, but I hate my own. It's weird and people sometimes get mad at me about it but I really get freaked out/depressed around my birthday. I get all anxious and find myself struggling to find air to breath. I want to curl up in a ball away from the world for the week. It's weird I know and I wish I could explain it. Maybe it's the attention that freaks me out... Or maybe I worry if anyone will even remember... Or maybe I just feel like every other birthday has been a let down so I just expect it to be a let down... Or maybe I hate that the one day of the year I don't want to be alone, I always find myself feeling the most alone (even when I am not)... Maybe it's a combination of all four... Maybe it's none of those. I don't know. All this to say, I am sorry to anyone who wishes me a happy birthday. I appreciate you all SOOOOOO much and I love that you care and I love that you show it. I am sorry if I don't always show/express that.

Ok... enough word vomit for today... I really do want to try and be better about this to avoid dumping everything into one long/depressing blog.