God Is Good... All the Time!!!

I love concerts. I love going into the city and getting dressed up and fancy to go listen and enjoy some live music. This last Friday I got to see Brandi Carlile for the 3rd time and I have to say, the concert was incredible. She never fails to impress me with her ability to perform every single show as if it were her last. She goes all out for every performance and for that I am eternally grateful. 

This last Friday, my sister and I went to Oakland to watch Brandi Carlile. We were thrilled to be seeing her and enjoyed walking around a little and enjoying downtown Oakland. We parked in a parking lot (you know the ones with the attendant who puts the ticket on your car etc. etc.) and went to enjoy some beverages and an absolutely incredible concert. When we got back to my car, however, the high we were on from the music quickly came crashing down. Someone had broken the small, vent window on the back door of my car (you know the little window on the door that doesn't roll down but is just there... that one...), pulled down the back seat and took my work bag from the back of my car. Now, I knew better. Of course I did. It's freaking Oakland! Of course my car was going to get broken into. Why would I have the bag in there in the first place. Well, since we went straight from work, I had my bag with me, but I did do everything I could to try to hide the bag. It was in the back of the car with the screen cover thing pulled over so you honestly could not see the bag at all. But whoever decided to break into my car got really lucky to find that an idiot like me left her shit in her car for them to take. This has to be a thing that they do, because at least 5 other cars in the same parking lot had been broken into as well. Same window broken, pulled down the back seat and grabbed anything that looked good. 

In that bag, they got my work laptop, my work iPad, two TI-84 graphing calculators, chargers, student's tests, and some other laptop and iPad adapters. They scored. I filed my first police report and am now waiting for insurance to figure out replacing the missing window in my car. Happy freaking birthday to me...

All in all though, I have to keep reminding myself that it could have been much MUCH worse. First of all, they only took the bag. I mean, there was other stuff in the back of the car (a couple blankets, a chair, my north face jacket, an umbrella) but they didn't take those. The glove box was unlocked and in it was my registration and a bag of coins which they didn't touch. In the center console of the car were a couple of iPhone cables, a watch, a headlamp, and... Here's the big one... a spare key to my car!!!! They could have taken my whole freaking car but they only took my bag and for that I can't help but give a big sigh of relief. 

God is good. All the time. That's another thing that I have had to continually remind myself this weekend and something that I was smacked over the head with in church this morning. Things could have been much worse and they weren't. It's only a little window in my car and while I am nervous to drive it around all week without that little window, I can still drive my car and there doesn't seem to be any rain in the forecast for the week which is definitely something to be thankful for right now. In church today, I was reminded about finding peace in the presence of God. That in His presence, He has everything that we need. Yes we need to be cautious, yes we need to try to protect ourselves and make wise choices and be good stewards of the things that He entrusts us with, but that's just the thing... They are HIS things... Those were not my things (and maybe it would have been harder to come to that realization if those actually were my belongings instead of the schools but still), those were HIS things. He entrusted them to me and He can take them away. 

Today in church we sang this song and it kinda destroyed me. It reminded me that in His presence is where I need to be. This week more than ever. It's been a crazy, stressful, anxiety ridden weekend and I know this week will just continue that, but this song gave me some peace. This song helped me remember that God is good, all of the time. And even though I am stressed and nervous about the fallout that may come from this whole situation, I can have peace knowing that God is good, all of the time and in His presence there is peace.

"Your Presence"

by Planetshakers

All of my life I've searched for You Lord
You called me to Your side
With all of my heart, I'm desperate for more
Your presence is my life
The cry of my heart
Is to be where You are

I love Your presence
I love Your presence
Father where You are is where I wanna be
Hidden in Your courts is everything I need

You are my strength, You are my shield
Surround me with Your song
All that my soul will know is Your peace
You hide me in Your love
The cry of my heart
Is to be where You are

I love Your presence
I love Your presence
Father where You are is where I wanna be
Hidden in Your courts is everything I need

I love Your presence
I love Your presence
I can hear You call, I run into Your arms
Jesus You are all, my heart is longing for

Father You are my heart's desire
Overwhelmed I will worship You
I will dance to the dance of heaven
All my heart be enthralled by You

I love Your presence
I love Your presence
Father where You are is where I wanna be
Hidden in Your courts is everything I need

I love Your presence
I love Your presence
I can hear You call, I run into Your arms
Jesus You are all, my heart is longing for

It's That Simple

Ok... So much to say and not much time to say it... So much has happened in these last few months that I can't even begin to sum it up in this one post. From leaving my old job, to finishing my Masters, to summer fun, to teaching summer school, and now starting my new job... It's been a wild ride. One in which I promise to write about soon (well... maybe... we'll see if I get to it...), but right now I wanted to share with you something that was shared with me (and the rest of the school) at our back to school Mass (that's right... I work at a Catholic school and I have already bee to three Masses in the last three weeks and will be going to another one next week... Look at me now!)

I never thought I would be working at a Catholic school, but God has made it very clear in many different ways that this is where He wants me to be. Having worked in this school now for the last 5 weeks, there are many things that I am learning and sort of loving about the Catholic faith. The traditions and prayers are beautiful and extremely meaningful. And while many things in this faith becomes routine for both students and staff, the heart behind it all is real. The purpose and desires and convictions of this faith are no different than my own and I love that.

Anyway, at this week's back to school Mass, the new Priest appointed to our school gave his Homily (from what I can tell, it's like the sermon given at church... but MUCH shorter). During his Homily, Father Arnold shared with the students and staff three things that he thinks we all (himself included) need to say more often this year. That's it. Three things we need to say more often. You ready for them.

1. I Thank you
2. I am Sorry
3. I Love You

That's it. Three things that we all need to do more in our lives. Three things that every teenager and honestly every human being needs to say more often. We have so much is our lives. We are constantly blessed by God and those around us and it's important that we demonstrate and express our gratitude. Secondly, we mess up. I mess up all the time. People around you will mess up. People will let you down. You will let other people down. We have to say we are sorry. We have to own our mistakes and grow and learn from them. And finally, tell people you love them. It really goes a long way. Expressing how you feel about others is one of the most important things we can do in our lives. It's something that I know that I don't do enough of.

So this week, here's a challenge for you. Say these three things. Hopefully you won't have to say the second one, but let's be honest, we will have to say it. Show your gratitude and say thank you. Say your sorry when you wrong someone or mess up. And most importantly, tell someone you love them.

Make it a great week!

Still Alice

Have you ever read a book that literally took your breath away? Not because it was necessarily good or brilliantly written (although I think the book I'm talking about was...). But because what you are reading is just so real and raw and honest that you just can't breath? You find yourself hyperventilating and trying desperately to catch your breath while you are fighting the tears that are coming without control? It literally rips you apart but you can't put it down?

I just finished the book Still Alice and I have to say, I found one of those books. In case you aren't familiar, the book is about a 51 year old Professor of Psychology at Harvard University who experiences lapses in her memory. She forgets words, appointments, and even doesn't remember how to get home from a run only miles from her home. She soon discovers that she has early onset Alzheimer's and the rest of the book is about her journey and struggle with this disease.

I won't give you any more details about the book, but I will tell you this... It destroyed me.

Now, you might be wondering, why the Hell would you ever put yourself through reading something like that? And to be honest... I have no effing idea. I am still sort of asking myself the same question. But I think I wanted to read it, because it's written from her perspective. It was written from the mind of someone who is losing their mind to a disease that still has no cure. A disease that rips apart families and puts so much stress and hardships on caretakers but also on the victims of the disease. A disease that I witnessed first hand in my grandmother.

I wanted to read the book, because I wanted to know how she felt. I wanted to know what she went through to try to put the pieces back together after losing her almost two years ago now.

I miss my grandma everyday. I miss her smile. I miss her kindness. I miss that everyone who walked through her front or side door was instantly welcomed as family. I miss her singing. I miss her joy. But one thing that I cling to, is that despite this disease that this book talks about and captures so vividly, is that through the disease, she was still her. She was still rooted in her faith. She trusted God even when she didn't know or understand what was happening to her. She would sing and worship without abandon even when holding a basic conversation was near impossible.

I read this book because I wanted to know what my grandma went through. I wanted to feel near to her again. I wanted to be inspired by her courage and her faith and this book helped me do that.

Who's Got the Keys?

Boy Oh Boy it's been awhile since I've posted. Sorry about it. A lot has happened since the last time I posted. Summer has come and gone and I am now in the full swing of my new job. Posting over the summer has never really been my strong suit. Summertime I just don't have a whole lot to say I guess. Or I am just busy doing stuff that I don't have time to process things in my brain and put it to paper (or a computer screen...). And then sometimes, I have a ton of stuff I want to say and I start a post but don't publish it because I don't know exactly how to say what I wanted to say. I probably have two or three posts just sitting as drafts because I can't find the words to share what it is I want to get across. I guess that's what writers block feels like. Wanting to say something and having it sitting in your head and just not being able to find the words to let it out.

Well today, I was feeling inspired and so here you go.

Inspiration comes from many different places around us. Sometimes it's a conversation with someone. Sometimes it's an article you read or a news story. And many other times, as is the case with me at least, it comes from a church sermon. Today's inspiration, however actually comes from two places. It's crazy how when God is really trying to tell you something that you need to hear, He brings it to you through many different paths. This morning I was reading an article in Relevant magazine called The End of Purity Culture. It talked about this crazy phenomenon that happened in the 90s and early 2000s in Christian culture. This idea of signing a pledge, wearing a ring, and making a commitment to stay pure until marriage. A commitment to wait patiently for the one that God created just for you, who is hopefully waiting for you too. 

Now, I'm not trying to make fun of this idea and I don't think this article was doing that either. I made that commitment myself when I was 13 or so (and I literally just realized that was 15 years ago... ouch)... But what this article does talk about is that this idea of saving yourself for marriage has caused many huge problems in the Christian community today. The problem with making this commitment is this idea we get in our heads that marriage is something that is going to happen for us. And that honestly is just not always the case. In 2013, only 26% of millennials  ages 18 to 32 were married. What happens is when we make this commitment to wait, we are stuck waiting for something that might not happen. And when it doesn't happen or we are waiting and waiting for something that feels like it may never come, we are left disappointed and discontent with what God's answer is. 

I know I have felt that way more times than I would like to admit. I have been disappointed with the direction of my life. I have felt disconnect with my love life (or really lack thereof). I have felt unwanted and unlovable. I have been waiting. And waiting. And waiting for something that honestly feels like it will never happen. I have been mad at God and have felt like He has let me down. I have been there and I know exactly what this article is talking about.

The article (which I linked above and if you have time, is an excellent read which I highly recommend... whether you are a millennial or know one... although I am going to summarize a good portion of it now...) outline three truths that this purity culture has to cling to rather than waiting in disappointment and discontentment. 

• The first is "Expectations Shouldn't Turn into Entitlement." Many of us are raised or taught or even pressured by others that marriage is the ultimate aim for adulthood. We start to think that God owes it to us to give us the person we are meant to marry. And that's just not the case. The article suggests, "In lieu of signing pledges to wait for our spouse (which implies the promise of a spouse), we should instead commit our hearts to trusting that God is good, when things go as planned and when they don't." God is good and He will give us all that we need. Whether that means marriage or not.
• The second truth is that "Only God can fulfill our Deepest Needs." One of the major problems with this purity culture is thinking that we will save ourselves for marriage, which makes marriage the ultimate goal; the ultimate fulfillment. Many people will jump into marriage or focus so much on getting married that they lose focus and never feel complete or whole, even after they get married. Jesus is the ONLY one who can fulfill us. One of my favorite quotes from his article is "The key to fulfillment is to focus on becoming the one God made us to be instead of finding the one we're supposed to marry."
• Finally, the last truth of the article is "Our Completeness Doesn't Hinge on our Marital Status." I am complete in Christ. Period. I am not broken or half of something without a husband. No individual can complete me. It is only through Christ that I am made whole. That is one major thing that this purity culture was missing. That is one major thing that I was missing. "As we begin to live a life of courage and boldness, knowing that we are whole individuals with or without a spouse, we begin to build a life worth sharing, whether that be with a spouse, or a strong community of family and friends."

Like I said before, it's nuts how when God has something to tell you, He doesn't just whisper it (or at least He doesn't for me...)... He screams it at me through multiple venues. After reading this article (well... when I was halfway through it and already feeling convicted), I was sitting in church being rocked by a sermon in which the pastor talked about giving God the keys to your life. It wasn't about just giving Him the keys and letting Him drive, it was about giving Him full access to every part of our lives. 

We looked at 2 Kings 4: 8-17 and to summarize, the passage was about Elisha and the Shunammite Woman. When Elisha would go through the town where this woman lived, she would invite him in and feed him. She even made her husband build Elisha a room on the roof of their house so he might have a place to rest. Elisha eventually asked her how God could bless her. He asked her is there was anything that she wanted. She had no requests. She was content with her life and it brought her joy to bless and serve this man of God. Elisha found out that this woman and her husband never were able to have children. So Elisha told her in one of his visits, this time next year, you will be holding your son. She didn't believe him of course because she was old and so was her husband. But sure enough, the following year, she had a son.

Handing the keys over to God and giving him full access and full control of our lives, God will do amazing things in us and through us. Positioning yourself and preparing a place for God in our lives prepares us for His purposes. God is good and He promises us our hearts desires. But sometimes the promise God has for you is different than the promise you hoped for you. God promises us the desires of our hearts, but we need to pray that our desires are His desires. As we draw closer to him and make room for him in our lives, His desires become our own and only then can we live a life a fulfillment and contentment. God wants to shower us with more than we every dreamed, but we have to make room for God to move in our lives. 

"God makes promises He can keep, extends grace with abandon, and meets us wherever we are in the journey. Regardless of our marital status, we'll never be disappointed when we put all our hope in Him, entrusting our futures to the One that knows what tomorrow holds." I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I trust the one who holds it. And that's good enough for me.