Still Alice

Have you ever read a book that literally took your breath away? Not because it was necessarily good or brilliantly written (although I think the book I'm talking about was...). But because what you are reading is just so real and raw and honest that you just can't breath? You find yourself hyperventilating and trying desperately to catch your breath while you are fighting the tears that are coming without control? It literally rips you apart but you can't put it down?

I just finished the book Still Alice and I have to say, I found one of those books. In case you aren't familiar, the book is about a 51 year old Professor of Psychology at Harvard University who experiences lapses in her memory. She forgets words, appointments, and even doesn't remember how to get home from a run only miles from her home. She soon discovers that she has early onset Alzheimer's and the rest of the book is about her journey and struggle with this disease.

I won't give you any more details about the book, but I will tell you this... It destroyed me.

Now, you might be wondering, why the Hell would you ever put yourself through reading something like that? And to be honest... I have no effing idea. I am still sort of asking myself the same question. But I think I wanted to read it, because it's written from her perspective. It was written from the mind of someone who is losing their mind to a disease that still has no cure. A disease that rips apart families and puts so much stress and hardships on caretakers but also on the victims of the disease. A disease that I witnessed first hand in my grandmother.

I wanted to read the book, because I wanted to know how she felt. I wanted to know what she went through to try to put the pieces back together after losing her almost two years ago now.

I miss my grandma everyday. I miss her smile. I miss her kindness. I miss that everyone who walked through her front or side door was instantly welcomed as family. I miss her singing. I miss her joy. But one thing that I cling to, is that despite this disease that this book talks about and captures so vividly, is that through the disease, she was still her. She was still rooted in her faith. She trusted God even when she didn't know or understand what was happening to her. She would sing and worship without abandon even when holding a basic conversation was near impossible.

I read this book because I wanted to know what my grandma went through. I wanted to feel near to her again. I wanted to be inspired by her courage and her faith and this book helped me do that.