Thank You???

Yesterday I was at the grocery store and as I walked in I saw a heavyset, black man and accidentally made eye contact with him. Well, when I make eye contact with someone, I usually smile and do the nod to say hello. I don't know, it's just how I was raised I guess. To be polite.

Anyway, he ended up getting one of those electric carts and was driving around shopping. I saw him again while I was in the produce section picking out some nectarines. He backed his little cart up *BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP*. You know what I'm talking about. Then he started talking to me. He said "Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude. I'm not a creep I promise. I have a wife. I respect women. I'm not trying to be creepy. I'm married and I'm fat and my wife is fat. But I just have to tell you, you are Damn Sexy!"

Um... what? Excuse me? Thank you??? What was I supposed to say? He was trying so hard to be nice and respectful and not creepy but was totally creepy and disrespectful and rude. I was so offended and bothered but didn't want to be rude to him so I just responded, "Oh wow, thank you. That's so nice of you to say..."

Then he kept talking... "Yeah, you are just so sexy. I just wanted to tell you because I think that women should know. And I'm not trying to be creepy. I respect women. And oh I love your rose (*referring to the tattoo on my arm*). Its so pretty. But yeah. You are just so sexy. Are you married? No? Oh. You got kids? No? Really? Are you dating? No? Why Not? Don't want to? Would you date me? If I asked you would you date me?"

By that point I was able to pull away from the conversation. I honestly didn't know what to do. I was so creeped out and bothered by the whole situation and I wished that someone was there with me to save me from the conversation. It was awful and super creepy. Here's a hint, if you have to preface your statement with, "I'm not trying to be creepy..." you are probably a creep and should probably stop talking... Just FYI...

The Comparison Battle

Very rarely do I have an original thought. But let's be honest, how many of us actually have original thoughts? How much of what we think and what we believe and understand comes from what is actually within our own minds and how much of it comes from what we read, hear, or see?

The reason I ask is because I wanted to share yet another thing from a sermon at church that left me feeling convicted. So buckle up for another sermon recap of things that I did not come up with on my own but want to share with others in hopes of spreading the knowledge.

This week's sermon was about comparisons which is something that I unfortunately know all too well. Not only am I guilty of constantly comparing myself to other people based on appearance, fitness, teaching skills, friendships, relationships, etc, but this is something I see every single day with my High School kids. Not that I have the monopoly on comparisons. We all deal with it right? I mean, if we are really honest with ourselves, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. Either putting ourselves down because we aren't like other people, or building ourselves up because we think we are better than other people. Or we see someone's Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook post and just think, "Seriously? I can't believe that person is engaged." Or "I can't believe that person is in Hawaii." Or "I can't believe they are having a baby already." Either way, it's something we all do and it's something that people have been doing for thousands of years.

John 21: 20-15 says:

Peter turned around and saw behind them the disciple Jesus loved - the one who had leaned over to Jesus during supper and asked, "Lord, who will betray you?" Peter asked Jesus, "What about him, Lord?"

Jesus replied, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me." So the rumor spread among the community of believers that this disciple wouldn't die. But that isn't what Jesus said at all. He only said, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is it to you?"

This disciple is the one who testifies to these events and has recorded them here. And we know that his account of these things is accurate.

Jesus also did many other things. If they were all written down, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written.

To give a little background, this conversation between Peter and Jesus happens after Jesus tells Peter to feed his sheep and Follow Him. Jesus also tells Peter how he is going to die. Crazy right? Being told how you are going to die and how if you follow him, your life will be a part of his plan that he already knows the ending to? But Peter doesn't relish in the fact that Jesus is asking him to be a part of his plan. Peter rather focuses on someone else. He asks Jesus, "What about him, Lord?" Seriously? You are with FREAKING JESUS and he is revealing your life to you and inviting you to be a part of His plan and you are worried if someone else has a better plan than you?

Comparison is not something that is new. I mean, for crying out loud, the disciples started comparing themselves to one another even when they asked Jesus who would sit at His right hand in the Kingdom. There are some major problems and pitfalls of comparisons.

1. Comparisons are ALWAYS unfair: we are different people with different gifts. It is not even fair to compare yourself to someone who is completely different from you in every single way.
2. Comparisons rob us of PRECIOUS time: I mean, this one has Peter written all over it right? He was with Jesus in the final recorded moments before his ascension and instead of living in that moment, he is busy comparing himself and his plan to the plans Jesus had for the other disciples.
3. Comparison is NOT measurable: comparisons are not fair because we have no way of measuring who or what is better? Nothing will ever measure up.
4. Comparison puts focus on the WRONG person: God is a God of abundance. He gives us EVERYTHING we need and more. He wants to give things to us and share with us and share in our lives.
5. Comparison lead to RESENTMENT: when things don't measure up, we are going to eventually start resenting. 
6. Comparison deprives us of JOY: when our hearts are filled with resentment, there is no room to rejoice and be glad in the positive things that are happening to others around us or even to ourselves. 

I love Jesus' response to Peter when he compares himself to another disciple: "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what's it to you?" Hilarious right? What's it to you? What do you care? Why does it matter to you? What's even better, is the disciples didn't even understand his snarky response. They all start rumors saying that this disciple is going to live forever or whatever, but that's not at all what he was saying. 

So how do we stop comparing ourselves to others? Cause let's be honest, we all do it. And it's definitely something that I struggle with BIG TIME. 

1. Celebrate your gifts: Ephesians 4:7 says "He has give each one of us a special gift through the generosity of Christ." We all have been given special gifts and if we spend less time worrying about other people and their gift and more time celebrating and nurturing our own gifts, we might live a more content and satisfied life. 
2. Pursue what excited you: within the gifts we are given, put them to use in something that excited you and makes you happy. Don't just celebrate your gifts but use them.
3. Live with Gratitude: Be thankful for what you have. Again, God is a God of abundance and showers us with everything we need. Be thankful for what you have been given. 
4. If you need to compare, compare with yourself: If you can't stop comparing, compare yourself to yourself. Are you better that you were a year ago? Are you close to the Lord? Are you better at your job? Are you a better friend? Sister? Mother? Father?
5. FOLLOW JESUS: this really is the big one and above all of the others, this is the most important. Follow Jesus with your whole heart and there won't be time or room for anything else. 

What is Love?

What is Love even? I was actually asked this question the other day by a student who was working on their capstone project for college. I wasn't exactly sure how to answer this question. Love means so many different things to so many different people.

Are you talking about romantic love?

Brotherly love?

The love/hate I have for my students which some days is more hate than love cause I just want to punch them in the face?

Or are you talking about ultimate love?

The love talked about at every wedding when the pastor reads from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8?

Or the love talked about in 1 John 4:7-21?

So many people go through their whole lives searching for love. Searching for something to fill the hole that is in their lives. So many people look at the pain and suffering in this world and question how God can even exist in the midst of such heartbreak.

And then there are people like me who wonder if love is even in the cards for them. People like me who wish that someone would love them and want to spend the rest of their lives with them. It's crazy how much love drives the things we do.

But then I sit back and look at the people around me. The people who actually do love me. I sit back and look at the opportunity I have to show love to so many people. The students that I get to show love to on a daily basis.

So what is love? What does it look like? Honestly, I think it is all of this. It's putting someone else's needs in front of your own. Love is a daily, minute by minute, second by second recognition and consequent action of thinking of yourself lower than someone else.

It's the over-used 1 Corinthians passage.

It's 1 John 4:7-21 that says:

7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. 8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

9 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. 10 This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. 12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

13 And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. 14 Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 All who declare that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. 16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other[a] because he loved us first.

20 If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer,[b] that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? 21 And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their fellow believers.[c]

It's romantic love. It's brotherly love. It's the love/hate relationships I have with my students.

Love just is. What more do we need then that?

Failure is Not An Option???

At church they have been doing a series called The Ascension where they have been looking at the time Jesus spent with his disciples after his resurrection and before He ascended into heaven. This week the topic was failure. One thing I like about this church, and especially the pastor and his wife is that they are so real. Both of them are very upfront and don't pretend to be anything they aren't. So when I say the message was about failure today, I say that in a sense that not only is failure actually an option, but an inevitable part of life. The message wasn't about how to avoid failure because that is just never going to happen for us. But one thing we can do is learn how to respond to our failure.

The passage today was John 21:1-19 which is a long passage so I will save you from having to read it in detail, but to summarize for you, this is the story of the Disciples fishing all night long and not catching a thing. When they had grown tired of fishing and were on their way in, Jesus called to them from the shore and told them to cast their nets on the other side. When they did, their nets were filled with an abundance of fish. At that moment, Peter knew who was on the shore and jumped out of the boat to meet Jesus. When they all reached the shore, Jesus invited them to eat with him. During this time, Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him. To which Peter replied "Yes, you know that I love you." The first two times, Jesus responded with "Feed my sheep." But the third time, he said two simple words, "Follow Me."

So what are we supposed to do when we fail? Because guess what, we are going to fail. A lot. The first choice we have when we fail, is will we chose to follow our plan or His plan? The disciples had to feel like major failures. This was what they did regularly. They go out and they fish all night. This was their livelihood. And yet they caught nothing. But then Jesus called out to them and told them to throw their nets on the other side. Something I am sure they had tried during their long night of catching nothing. But they listened and is says "they couldn't haul in the nets because there were so many fish in it." His plan is ALWAYS better than our plan. Even if we don't see it right away, His plan is always better.

This truth has been made so apparent to me these last few years. I am extremely familiar with failure. School for me was not an easy road. And I hadn't felt more like a failure when I dropped out of Northridge after failing a semester of classes and having to transfer to a community college. I thought I had my whole life figured out. I would go to school at Cal State Northridge, eventually move down to Northridge, work, become an athletic trainer and work with athletes for the rest of my life. Then two years into school, I still hadn't moved down to Northridge, I wasn't involved in my school and I hated what I was doing. Then my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer and I just felt like a failure. I failed my family by being gone for so long during the week for school. I failed myself because I wasn't going anywhere with my life. And then I stopped going to class because I felt like all I could do was fail.

So I did what I could. I listened to God's plan and pursued a career in teaching. Started going to Cal State Channel Islands but still lived at home with my parents. Even though I was following what I know now was definitely God's plan, it wasn't as clear to me back then. I still felt like a failure living at home with my parents. When I wasn't at school or working, I was taking care of my grandma. I really felt like I had failed at life. It wasn't until I finally finished school that God's plan became more clear to me. After graduating, I really felt the Lord telling me, It's time now. It's time to move and reach out and be the person I created you to be. I later got the job at Bradshaw and moved to Sacramento. Though my time at Bradshaw has had it's ups and downs, it has shaped me and molded me into a confident leader and teacher. If it were not for my time at Bradshaw, I would have never found the confidence to leave and attempt to grow elsewhere. This last week I interviewed at St. Francis Catholic High School and really felt a sense of confidence and peace going into the interview. I was confident that God's plan was better than my own and if this was where He wanted me, He would make it happen. And so I interviewed at 1:30pm and a few short hours later, I got a call offering me the job.

His plan is ALWAYS better than our own. Even when we can't see it.

The second choice we have is will we focus on what other people think of us or what God thinks? When Peter realized that it was Jesus on the shore, he jumped out of the boat and swam to shore. Can you just imagine that? Peter throwing himself out of the boat to go see his Lord? He didn't care what his friends on the boat would think. He only cared what Jesus thought. See, Peter was the same person that denied that he even knew Jesus a few days earlier. He was asked three times if he knew Jesus and he replied, "I don't even know that man." He was afraid of what people would say about him. Afraid of what would happen him if they found out that he was one of Jesus' followers. But now he doesn't care what people think and he throws himself out of a boat for Jesus.

The third choice we have is will we familiarize ourselves with His voice or our comfort? In verse 12, the disciples join Jesus for breakfast but none of them dared to ask Him, 'Who are you?' Because they knew it was their Lord. They knew from the miracle the witnessed and voice that was speaking to them that He was Jesus, yet they didn't recognize his face. Though they didn't recognize him, they chose to trust His voice.

Finally the last choice we have to make is will we fixate on our failure or choose to follow Jesus? Jesus doesn't care about our failures. He is more concerned with our future. Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him three times. And each time he tells him to feed His sheep. But the last time he gives a simple two word direction: "Follow Me."We are going to fail. It's inevitable. But we have a choice. We can fixate on our failures and let it stop us from moving on with our lives, or we can trust that God's plan is better than our own and follow him. I don't know about you, but I chose His plan.

A Message to the Graduates

Yesterday I attended my youngest sister's college graduation. It was crazy to be there and know that the three of us are now all grown up. Like, we have been "grown up" for awhile now but there is something about a graduation ceremony that makes it official. I didn't walk in my graduation ceremony for many reasons, but the biggest one was I felt like I didn't need a two hour ceremony to verify that I was grown up. I was already grown up for many years, I just needed the piece of paper to say it was true.

But the ceremony got me thinking about this year's high school seniors. This class is definitely my favorite class (sorry other classes... I still love you... just not as much...) and since it is the last graduating class that I will teach at Bradshaw (yes, it's official... It's been coming for awhile now, but now I can actually write about it), they definitely hold a special place in my heart. I'm not sure what it is about this class that has me actually really sentimental about their graduation. I guess it's just that I really feel like the kids in this class and really feel like they have a bright future ahead of them. I even was on the ballot to speak at their graduation. Thankfully, someone else won that privilege, but I do have some thoughts for them as they prepare to graduate and enter into "the real world" (whatever that means...)

1. Look to find the humor in your life. Don't take yourself too seriously. Stress, worry, and anger have no good place in your life. Make people smile. Life is full of things to laugh at. The biggest thing of those things is yourself. Learn to laugh at yourself because, guess what, you guys are hilarious.  
2. High tides raise all ships. Surround yourself with good, strong people and let them do their job. Cut negative people out of your life. They will tear you down and rip you up. Surround yourself with people who will build you up and make you stronger. 
3. Preparation meets opportunity. Practice makes perfect. You are only as good as the preparation and practice you put into what you are doing. Do the work because you never know when your handwork is going to pay off so you better be prepared.
4. Put your phone down or better yet, turn it off for at least 30 minutes each day. I know your life is in your phone. Mine is too. But take time to sit and just be. Talk to the people around you. Meet someone new in the line at the coffee shop. Be aware of the people around you, not just the people in your phone. 
5. You are third. Yeah this was the theme for STUCO this year, but make that the theme for your life. Put God first and foremost in your life and He will guide your path. Serve others above yourself. Putting others before yourself will be more fulfilling than trying to fill that void in yourself. 

Finally, I will finish with a poem that was shared at my sister's graduation. And although that was a college graduation, I think there is a lot of wisdom that can be taken from these words.

Shakespeare's written of life's woes. 

I've read Whitman, and Blake, and Edgar Alan Poe. 

But they're too deep for me, I make no excuse. 

I relate better to Dr. Seuss. 

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. 

You can steer yourself any way that you chose. 

All the places you will go, all the seeds you will sow 

as you embark on your new life ahead. 

Now here's a little light that maybe I can shed. 

You are not defined by the size of your thighs 

and listen to your heart cause it never lies. 

Embrace your differences it's the only distinction you've got. 

Never try to be something you're not. 

Be grateful, say thank you and always be kind. 

Extend a hand when someone falls behind. 

And don't judge others who are not like you. 

You don't know anyone until you walk in his shoes. 

And when all seems lost, have a little faith. 

Miracles happen everyday. 

And when life's unfair, just turn the page. 

But stay the course because dreams never age. 

Life's not about how much stuff you can acquire. 

Only love can lift you higher. 

And money, it means nothing without your health. 

That's what really determines your wealth. 

So as you leave today and your new life takes flight, 

get out there and shine your light. 

But remember to never take more than you give. 

And at the end of your life, you'll know that you lived. 

I Feel Ya!

You know that saying, "I feel ya!"? Maybe you say it or you have heard someone say it. But it's something that is said. And more often than not it is used to express a sense of empathy and compassion towards someone else. A way of saying, "I understand where you are coming from," "I have been there," "I feel ya."

It's a common saying that many of us say (myself included) when we experience first world problems.

• The free coffee at my work tastes awful: "I Feel Ya"
• Chick Fil'A is closed on Sunday: "I Feel Ya"
• I asked for a Dirty Chai and they gave me a Chai with Mocha in it: "I Feel Ya"
• I'm hungry but not for any of the foods in my house: "I Feel Ya"

Today in church, that was the focus of the message. The message really focused on the problem of pain. Where it comes from and how we should process the pain.

Pain comes from all sorts of places. Death, Fear, Disappointment. Pain comes when our expectations are not met.

• When we expect to make a certain amount of money, and we don't.
• When we expect to be at a certain place in our lives, and we aren't.
• When we expect to be married by a certain age, and we aren't.
• When we expect to have children, and we miscarry. 
• When we expect to have our loved ones live, and they die.

When expectations are not met, we feel disappointment. And when we feel disappointment, we feel pain. 

So what do we do? How should we process pain? John 20:11-18 says

Mary was standing outside the tomb, crying, and as she wept, she stooped and looked in. She saw two white-robed angels, one sitting at the head and the other at the foot of the place where the body of Jesus had been lying. "Dear woman, why are you crying?" the angels asked her. 

"Because they have taken away my Lord," she replied, "and I don't know where they have put him." 

She turned and saw someone standing there. It was Jesus, but she didn't recognize him. "Dear woman, why are you crying?" Jesus asked her. "Who are you looking for?" 

She thought he was the gardener. "Sir," she replied, "if you have taken him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will go get him."

"Mary!" Jesus said.

She turned to him and cried out, "Rabboni!" (which is Hebrew for "Teacher").

"Don't cling to me," Jesus said, "for I haven't yet ascended to the Father. But go find my brothers and tell them 'I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God."

How are we supposed to process pain? Pain that is so debilitating that it brings us to our knees and takes our legs out from under us. The first thing we have to do (which I admit, is probably the worst of all of the steps... and you will definitely hate me for this one) is we have to feel the pain. Like I said this is probably the worst of all of the steps. I know for me personally, I don't want to feel pain. I avoid it at all costs. So many of us run away from pain like it's the plague but that pain never goes away. Until we sit in it and experience it, it will never go away. Mary had to face her pain. Verses 11-14 describe how Mary went to face the tomb and experience the pain of the death of her friend and teacher. Suddenly she realized that the tomb was empty and that two strangers were sitting in the place of her Lord. How terrifying right? But she felt the pain. She experienced it and that's one thing we all need to do if we ever stand a chance at moving past our pain.

The second thing we have to do is give our pain to Jesus. In verse 15, Jesus asks Mary why she is troubled and why she is so sad. She confessed her pain to Jesus, who she thought was the gardener at first, but she gave her pain to Jesus nonetheless. Psalms 34:18 says, The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The only way to be rescued is to reach out and ask for help.

The third and final step to processing pain, is to understand the purpose of the pain. In verse 16, Jesus calls out to Mary by name. He knows her. He knows what she is feeling. There is a purpose for her pain and He was there to show that to her. There is a purpose for the pain we experience. And we may not see it right away. But we will. What's more important is that Jesus feels our pain. In verse 17, Jesus tells Mary, "I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God." He feels our pain. He knows what it is like. If that isn't comfort enough, then I am not sure what is. 

Pain is a terrible thing and it is definitely not something that we can minimize, especially when helping someone through it. We can't expect someone to right away understand the purpose of the pain. Feeling the pain is something that has to happen first before any of the other steps can happen. So here's my advice, if you know someone who is in pain, know where they are at in their pain. Don't try to fix them or pull them out of it or say "Oh don't worry, God is gonna use this pain and turn it into something great." Cause even though it is true, it is not something they want to hear or will help in any way shape or form. Just be with them. Meet them in their pain. Support them. Love them. Hug them. Sit in silence with them. Cry with them. Help them feel their pain. Then and only then, can they begin to process the rest of their pain.

Is That Bad???

Yesterday in church I had a thought (yes my last post had lots of thoughts and yes all of these different thoughts happened over the course of the same service... You have no idea what goes on in my head... sometimes I think if people only knew... anyway...). This particular thought came during the meet and greet part of the service. You know the one? When the announcer tells you to say hi to the people around you and you turn around and shake hands with everyone within an arms reach of you and politely say hello and hope that you don't have to introduce yourself because then you have to say your name which they instantly mispronounce so you have to correct them and then their name which you instantly forget because you are an awful person and care but don't really care... And repeat... (BTW: writing that last sentence was so fun... hahaha) It was during this time that I noticed an attractive man (well... two of them actually...) across the aisle from me. Ring check. No ring. And kept sort of trying to make accidental eye contact with him so that I would be obligated to take the literally 4 steps across the aisle to introduce myself to him. The eye contact never happened and by the time I had planned out what to say and worked up enough courage to walk across the aisle and introduce myself, everyone had already started to sit down and the moment passed. (Yes my last post was about overcoming fear, but I haden't heard the message yet... so don't judge me...)

Long story, sorry, but I promise I am getting to my thought and I think it's worth it. My thought was that I should join a community group at church. Now obviously community is a HUGE part of my faith and it's something that I have been searching for since moving up to Sacramento. I have a family community here and have felt loved and supported in that regards, but I have missed the church community that I once had. So yeah of course I should join a community group right? I mean, this is the first church I have been at that I feel like I actually would enjoy community groups. 

But here is why I wanted/want to join one. If I join a community gorup maybe I will meet a good, single Christian man. Is that awful? Am I allowed to join a community group when really the main reason I want to join is to hopefully meet a single man and fall in love and live happily ever after? 

Yes I could try to justify it all day and say, well, God says we should be in community. And it's biblical to partner with people in the church. And if I join then I can meet new people and maybe find some new friends. And it would get me more involved in the church and blah blah blah blah BLAH!

Is it awful that the primary reason I would join a Community Group would be to meet Single Christian men???

(No seriously, I am asking??? I need some feedback here...)

The Destiny Killer

Do pastors share sermons with each other? The reason I ask is the last two weeks in two different churches, I have heard the exact same sermon from two different pastors. Granted, today's was infinitely better than the other one, I couldn't help but chuckle a little that they were both basically the same message.

But at the same time I had to wonder if God was trying to tell me something. I mean, what are the chances that two different pastors would do the same sermon? So today I made sure to really listen to what God was trying to tell me.

The sermon was about Fear and how we can combat fear. This got me thinking. What am I afraid of? When I started making the list in my head, I ran out of room, but here are some of the highlights in no particular order:

• Haunted Houses: I just don't do scary if you remember from my post from Halloween last year.
• Zombies: Ok... yes I watch the Walking Dead, but some of the nightmares I have are seriously terrifying...
• Not being good enough: I think this is a common one for a lot of people. Nothing super specific about it either. But I guess, not being good enough in my job, in my family, with my friends, my blog, my writing...
• Being the center of attention: This is a weird one because everyday in class, I am the center of attention. But when I teach it's not about me being the center of attention but trying to draw student's attention to math. Does that even make sense? This is probably why I hate my birhtday so much.
• Never getting married: This is one that I have been struggling with for awhile now. It is one of my greatest desires to get married and have a family of my own, but the older I get the more afraid I am that this is never going to happen. I think this is a big one for me becuase the fear is almost paralizing. To the point that I don't even try because I am afraid that I'll get rejected or hurt or again... not good enough... I don't even know... 

(There are definitely more, but these were the first ones that came to my mind.)

Fear Sucks! Fear hinders people. It prevents them from reaching the full destiny that God has designed for them. Fear is a prison. Fear is a Destiny Killer. Today's pastor shared a quote saying "Everything we want is on the other side of fear." And it's so true right? Our greatests wants and desires are just beyond the reach of our fear.

The Bible says a lot about fear, and the Pastor used John 20:19-23 as his example. This passage describes the moment that Jesus revealed himself to his disciples. It says,

That Sunday evening the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders. Suddenly, Jesus was standing there among them! "Peace be with you," he said. As he spoke, he showed them the wonds in his hands and his side. They were filled with joy when they saw the Lord! Again he said, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I am sending you." Then he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone's sins, they are forgiven. If you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven."

So the disciples were afraid and were hiding because of their fear. Then Jesus just appeared. Crazy right? Locked doors couldn't keep him out. So the first step in combating fear is to confront it. We have to face them otherwise they will always be there. The second thing we have to do is is to cultivate joy. When the disciples saw Jesus standing amond them, they were filled with joy. Joy, just as any of the fruits of the spirit must be cultivated and cared for. We can chose joy in the face of unspeakable things. The third step is to change your perspective. If you sit in your fear, you will be trapped in that prison forever. The disciples were filled with Joy "when they saw the LORD!" Their perspectives were changed. Finally, the last step is to channel what is inside of you. John says that Jesus breathed on them and they recieved the Holy Spirit. We have been given everything we need to conqour fear. Jesus has already conqoured the grave so what have we to fear? Isaiah 41:10 says

Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Here, He says, "I am your God! I am over, I am by your side, I am inside you, I am around up, and I am under you." Whom shall we fear?

By His stipes, we are healed. By His death we can live. In Jesus Name!
All oppression/Fear will cease. Every capltive released. In Jesus Name!

The oppostie of Fear is Freedom. Walk in His Freedom!

May I Have This Dance?

Since working at a High School, one of my favorite times are the times I get to spend with students outside of the classroom. Don't get me wrong, I love being a teacher. I love being in the classroom and I love when lessons just "work." But there are those times outside of the classroom when as a teacher, I really get to connect with students. And one of those times in these last three years has been in chaperoning dances.

A couple weeks ago I chaperoned our Sadie's dance which was themed "Sadie's in the 80's." As a chaperon, we all break into groups of two and rotate around to different locations in order to keep an eye on the students. I got partnered with my principal and we took the outside shift first so we could see the student's in their 80's outfits as they showed up. While sitting outside in the lull between arrivals, my principle said something that totally took me aback. She said, "Come on Michaela, you know you're going to miss this." I laughed it off a little and said something along the lines of "I love doing this kind of stuff. It's just fun. But it really made me think. Not about whether I would miss chaperoning dances and having connections to kids, but more, did I miss out in high school by not going to dances?

In high school I was not the "dance" type. I really only attended one high school dance which was Senior ball. I just wasn't into going out with people and dancing and being in a sweaty, crowed room with loud music. Maybe it was my introvert tendencies but that just something I wanted to do. Going to all of these dances now as a chaperon, I see how much fun the kids are having and I wonder if I missed out. Now as a teacher I give kids a hard time when they don't want to go to the dance. I give them a even harder time when they come to the dance and don't dance. It takes everything in me while I am at the dance to not jump in and dance with the kids because honestly they just seem like they are having so much fun.

Did I miss out? Am I really regretting not going to the dances like everyone said I would?

Watching the kids at Sadie's I think I realized something. It's not that I missed going to dances or that I missed out on dancing. What I think I missed out on was being comfortable enough with a group of people that I would want to go to a dance and be ridiculous and silly with people. I wasn't a confident kid and was even more of an introvert than I am now if that is even possible. The shear idea of opening up and being crazy with anyone was not even close to my radar in High School.

So, is she right? Am I going to miss this? I think I already did.

Sunday Funday

Lately I have been thinking about how thankful I am to be living where I am (get ready for a mushy, sappy, post... deal with it). About a year ago I moved in with some new roommates and the last few months I have been beyond thankful and blessed to be here with them.

Let me explain. When I went to college, I never really 'WENT' to college. Don't get me wrong, college was great even though it took forever. But it wasn't something I ever really got into. I never really moved out and into dorms to meet new people. Not that that was a bad thing or that I feel like I missed out of something, but I just had a different experience than a lot of other people. I got a taste of what it was like to have roommates working at camp, but even that was different. Small confined spaces with two or three other girls and community living is it's own beast all together.

When I finally moved out, I moved in with my parent's friends which was a HUGE blessing that I still am not sure if I deserved and can never really pay back for. After that I moved in with two strangers who happened to be sisters and owned their own house. That in itself was another huge blessing as they were great roommates; kind, caring, funny, and always tried to include me in their lives. Still it was something I had to get used to and I am sure with time, we could have gotten a lot closer.

But then I moved in with Megan and Jordan and everything changed. I am not sure what it is exactly, but there is just a comfort with these two. We hang out, watch TV together, make dinner together, and just enjoy each other's company. But at the same time, we are completely independent and have our own schedules and lives. I think that's why this works so well. We are independent but also bring out the good in each other. They have helped me come out of my shell a little and experience things that I might not have otherwise done on my own.

Things are just easy with them and I think that's where this post is coming from. My favorite thing that we have done recently has been our church outings. Not every Sunday but at least two Sundays a month for the last couple of months, the three of us go pick up our Starbucks and get our coffee and breakfast, then go to church together. We bounced around and tried out a few different churches but I think we have settled on a new church in downtown Sac called Project church.

It's small and maybe not something that many people would find significant, but for me the last few weekends, I have just felt abundantly blessed and thankful to be where I am. Thanks guys for welcoming me in and making me laugh until I cry (or nearly pee my pants). Thanks for including me and pushing me out of my shell. You guys are the best.

Alright. Mushiness is over. You can go back to your lives.