"No matter whether we see singleness as a time of blessing or a time of testing or both, God makes it beautiful. If we take a moment to stop complaining or lusting after things that are not meant for us in this season, we can become content with the plan that God has for us right now. He hears your thoughts and prayers and He knows the desires of your heart. God wants you to experience the most beautiful version of your dreams that is possible, and He will make it so in His time."

"When we sink into disobedience, it will start to feel as if God is further and further away from us, but He has not moved. It is our focus that has shifted and caused the distance. But then, God says, “Why do you doubt Me?” God has brought me through too much for me to lack faith in Him. He has also shown me how much better my life is when I live in obedience to His Word.

"The best part of the story is that Jesus stretched out His hand and caught Peter. He said, “You of little faith.” This indicated that Peter had some faith. And, if we can just have a little faith, even after we start sinking, God will not let us drown. He will catch us, correct us, and come closer to us as we draw nigh to Him. If being single is not what you desire for your life, it can be difficult, but keep your focus on God."

"Our past is his (Satan's) greatest weapon because he has no idea what our future holds. Our enemy wants us to feel beaten, broken, and blasphemous. If he can keep us feeling like God cannot love us, then we will not love ourselves. When we do not love ourselves, it is impossible to love others properly. Recognize this lie from the pits of hell and know that you are forgiven. You are loved by God. No one can take that love and forgiveness away."

From Fear to Trust

I love my church! I honestly am constantly amazed at how blessed I am that God has brought me to a place that I get to experience His presence and this grace through people around me. Moving to Sacramento, I never thought I could find something like what I had growing up. Something that felt like home... like a family... But God is good and his plan never ceases to amaze me!

Today Caleb spoke about moving from Fear to Trust in our lives which I found extremely appropriate for this Year of Boldness that I find myself in. Too many times in my life I have felt stuck. There are still aspects of my life in which I have felt stuck and way too often, those moments of feeling stuck come from fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of being alone. Fear of never getting married. Fear of never having kids.

Caleb gave an incredible word of what to do when there is nothing you can do. Often times people feel like they will never be happy again, or that nothing good can come from a particular situation, or that there is no point in continuing. But in those moments it is important to remember that God is not absent. God is not apathetic. And God is not angry.

Caleb encouraged us to move from fear to trust by first placing your trust in God alone. In Psalm 27: 1-3, David says that "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When evildoers assail  me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall." The Lord needs to be the stronghold of our lives. If he is for us, who can be against us? Caleb encouraged us to "trust in who God is, not what you need from him." How many times do we become discouraged and lose our faith in God when we don't get what we think we need from him? I know I am guilty of this. When things aren't happening according to my plan and my timeline for my life, I take matters into my own hands. But I was reminded today that I need to trust in who God is.

Secondly, to move from fear to trust we have to pursue the presence of God. This has actually been one of my resolutions this year and something I have been really encouraged by. My resolution has been to be in God's word everyday and so far, by the grace of God, I have been successful. Unless we have the presence of God in our lives, we cannot walk in the purpose He has for our lives.

Thirdly, to move from fear to trust, we have to acknowledge our desperate need of God. Even David in his faith and courage in the face of trials acknowledged that he needs God. Sometimes in these moments of crying out to God or in these moments of struggle when it feels like God is silent, we need to remember that God is not absent. Caleb shared, "Don't interpret God's silence as God's absence." God's silence may mean that He is preparing you for a great victory that will take place.

Finally, patiently wait on the Lord. This one really hit home for me (as you can read from my last post). Sometimes when it feels like God is absent, I try to make things happen on my own. I take things into my own hands and mistakenly think that God needs me help to make things happen in my life. We can start to feel that God is further and further away from us, but he has not moved. "Do not confuse God's appeared absence as apathy." He is still present and wants to bring you into a life filled with Joy, and Hope, and Purpose.

I'll post the link to the sermon when it's posted because it was a great one. But I wanted to share with you some of the encouragement that I received this morning. It spoke to my heart and it was for sure something that I needed to hear. I hope that you are blessed by it as well.

Waiting on the Lord

In a recent post I mentioned that I have written down some new years resolutions and have already crossed a couple off of the list. One of those resolutions was to go out on a date.

Yes... I am 28 years old and, until this year, have never been on a date...

Now that you are over the shock, let me explain. I AM AN INTROVERT!!!! In case you haven't already read that from my other posts. I also never really tried to date anyone. And no one ever asked me on a date so it just never really happened. This year I decided that it was time to get out of my shell a little bit and try to put myself out there a little more. So I joined eHarmony (after trying a few other dating websites and apps... shout out to Tinder y'all).

After about a month on eHarm, I finally went out on my very first date ever. The guy was really nice and paid for everything. Our conversation was alright so I agreed to go out with him agin. Our second date was basically a repeat of the first and since we already talked about the big stuff the last time we went out, the second date ended up being really boring so I said no to the third date.

A few weeks later, I started talking to this guy on eHarm and he seemed really cool. He was super funny, had a good job, and was in school to become a nurse. He seemed to have all of the qualities I wanted except for one major problem... He was not a Christian.

Nevertheless, I figured, what's the harm in just meeting up for coffee. It's not like I have to marry the guy right? I'm just trying out this "dating" thing so that when I meet my future husband, I am not a total idiot who has no idea what I'm doing. So I met him for coffee.

He was super nice and funny and very upfront about many things including past relationships. He seemed to be very experienced in the long term relationship area whereas I admitted to him that I was not. We talked for a long time and ended the night with a hug and a text goodnight.

We met up later that week for a beer at talked more through some of the things we talked about at coffee and over the phone throughout the week. I had mentioned to him at coffee that I had never really "done the relationship thing" before, but explained later in a phone call that having not "done the relationship thing" means, I have not really ever been on many dates and had never been kissed... etc. This worried him a little I guess, and so he asked me if this was really something I wanted to do? If I wanted to do the relationship/dating thing or if it was something that I was being pressured into by friends and coworkers. This question really made me stop and think for myself. I had never really asked myself if this was something I wanted. I mean... I want to get married and have kids and have a family of my own and this is what you are supposed to do to get there right? I answered yes in the moment because I figured that if I want to get married and have kids someday, this is what I have to do to make that happen.

So I told him yeah, I was ready for this. And he was kind and said we could take things slow and that he really likes me and he really wants to see where this goes... etc. etc. We talked for awhile longer, then he walked me to my car. We sort of made plans for another date and after a hug goodbye, he leaned in for the kiss...

I felt like my life flashed before my eyes. I had no idea what to do or how to act or if I was doing it right and it felt like it lasted forever and my mind was racing and so many things were going through my head that I can't even tell you if it was a good kiss. He said goodnight (I think... I'm not sure... I sort of blacked out...) and walked away, I got in my car and literally lost it.

Panic set in and I started crying. Like I said, I don't know if it was a good kiss or a bad kiss so that's not why I was crying I don't think. Or maybe it was because I just didn't know.... Was I any good at it? What if I sucked? What if I didn't? I don't even know what happened... I didn't know if I even liked this guy. I didn't know if this was really what I wanted to be doing or if I was ready for this. I didn't feel like I deserved to be kissed so of course it was a bad kiss right? Because I'm probably a terrible kisser because I have never kissed anyone before in my life.... And on and on and on... my brain was going a hundred miles a minute and I couldn't make it stop. I spent half of the night up crying in my bed because my insecurities and fears and frustrations were boiling over and I couldn't contain them anymore. I spent the whole next day at work basically in tears, hearing my friends at work and those closest to me tell me that I deserve this and that it's ok to be scared and that I am beautiful and blah blah blah, but unable to let those words into my heart and accept them as truth.

It wasn't until the next morning that God really shook me awake and reminded me of who I am in HIM. I met with my sisterhood group from church and they spoke suck truth into my life and I actually heard them. People have told me these things forever. I know that God has a plan for my life and that it is good and perfect, but for some reason, I got it into my head that I had to help him make it happen. Somehow I got it into my head that if it wasn't happening yet, then I was doing something wrong. But these women who have become my friends spoke over me in a way that I so needed in that moment. They reminded of who I am in Christ and His promises for me and how I shouldn't be settling for something that is just good. Because this guy was good. He was a nice guy who said all the right things and who was kind and sweet. He was good. But something in me knew it wasn't right. Something in me was screaming out saying, "Wait... I have something GREAT for you." It's the hardest thing to do sometimes to hold out for something great. But it is the most rewarding thing you can do. Wait on the Lord, because He has something GREAT planned for your life!

I broke things off with that guy (which I don't even know if you can call it that because we literally only went on two dates), and got off of eHarm, and now I am waiting for something great!

Aim It

Happy New Year everyone! To kick off my year of Boldness, I did something that I have NEVER done before... I wrote new years resolutions... Wah-wah... Not what you were expecting right? Hear me out. I honestly can say I have never written down new years resolutions. Yes, I have thought about them and made mental lists in my head, but the physical act of actually writing them down on a piece of paper has yet to happen in my adult life. These last few months I have been making some changes to my life in order to get out of my comfort zone a little and not just hide behind my introvertedness. I am happy to report that now being in the month of February I have already crossed off two of my New Years resolutions and have made excellent strides in sticking with the others.

If you haven't written down any new years resolutions yet, it is not too late. And if you are looking for a little inspiration, here is very short video about giving your resolutions aim and focus in order to be successful. Good luck!

Year of Boldness

As the new year approaches, I have been thinking a lot about what this past year brought me and what I would like to change and improve upon for this next year. At church, we were encouraged to come up with a word to proclaim over this next year. Some people chose words like Grace, Love, Forgiveness, Acceptance, etc. While these are all amazing words and definitely things I have to work on during this year (and probably every year of the rest of my life),  none of them were really speaking to me. After bouncing around a few ideas, I have decided that this year will be the year of Boldness.

In the last few months, I have really been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone. I have come to the realization that for too many years I have used the fact that I am an introvert as a crutch. Yes, as an introvert I am WAY more comfortable staying home than going out. Yes I prefer/need to be alone sometimes to recharge and regroup. But that doesn't mean that I have to say no to what life has to offer. That doesn't mean that I have to hide from other people and new experiences.

So instead of hiding behind fear, or being a introvert or whatever it is I have been hiding behind, this year will be different. This year I will try new things. This year I will continue to do things that push me out of my comfort zone and maybe make me feel a little uncomfortable. This year, I will be bold. Wish me luck.

We Will Not Be Shaken... Maybe...

"We Will Not Be Shaken"

For we trust in our God
And through His unfailing love
We will not be shaken,
We will not be shaken,
We will not be shaken

Though the battle rages
We will stand in the fight
Though the armies rise up against us on all sides
We will not be shaken
We will not be shaken
We will not be shaken

For in the hour of our darkest day
We will not tremble, we won’t be afraid
Hope is rising like the light of dawn
Our God is for us He has overcome

All those against Him will fall
For our God is stronger
He can do all things
No higher name we can call
For Jesus is greater
We can do all things

Last week (or should I say, in my last post... that I started several months ago and am just getting around to finishing... sorry 'bout it) I mentioned that my bag was stolen out of my car while at a concert in Oakland. Well God is good and He never ceases to remind me who is in control. Thursday after my bag was stolen, I got an email from one of my vice principals asking about a phone call she received about a bag that was found in front of some guy's apartment in Oakland. This same gentleman found another bag which turned out to be stolen so he called the school because he found a planner in the bag with the school contact info and my name on it. Yes. That's right! He found my bag! I got his number and gave him a call and he returned my bag to the police station for me. So Friday after work, I took a special trip out to Oakland to pick up my bag. When I got there, I showed them my ID, the gave me my bag and that was it. By the grace of God, they only took the laptop and the iPad out of the bag. They left my two graphing calculators, all of my papers, pens, and wireless mouse. God is good. All of the time.

God Is Good... All the Time!!!

I love concerts. I love going into the city and getting dressed up and fancy to go listen and enjoy some live music. This last Friday I got to see Brandi Carlile for the 3rd time and I have to say, the concert was incredible. She never fails to impress me with her ability to perform every single show as if it were her last. She goes all out for every performance and for that I am eternally grateful. 

This last Friday, my sister and I went to Oakland to watch Brandi Carlile. We were thrilled to be seeing her and enjoyed walking around a little and enjoying downtown Oakland. We parked in a parking lot (you know the ones with the attendant who puts the ticket on your car etc. etc.) and went to enjoy some beverages and an absolutely incredible concert. When we got back to my car, however, the high we were on from the music quickly came crashing down. Someone had broken the small, vent window on the back door of my car (you know the little window on the door that doesn't roll down but is just there... that one...), pulled down the back seat and took my work bag from the back of my car. Now, I knew better. Of course I did. It's freaking Oakland! Of course my car was going to get broken into. Why would I have the bag in there in the first place. Well, since we went straight from work, I had my bag with me, but I did do everything I could to try to hide the bag. It was in the back of the car with the screen cover thing pulled over so you honestly could not see the bag at all. But whoever decided to break into my car got really lucky to find that an idiot like me left her shit in her car for them to take. This has to be a thing that they do, because at least 5 other cars in the same parking lot had been broken into as well. Same window broken, pulled down the back seat and grabbed anything that looked good. 

In that bag, they got my work laptop, my work iPad, two TI-84 graphing calculators, chargers, student's tests, and some other laptop and iPad adapters. They scored. I filed my first police report and am now waiting for insurance to figure out replacing the missing window in my car. Happy freaking birthday to me...

All in all though, I have to keep reminding myself that it could have been much MUCH worse. First of all, they only took the bag. I mean, there was other stuff in the back of the car (a couple blankets, a chair, my north face jacket, an umbrella) but they didn't take those. The glove box was unlocked and in it was my registration and a bag of coins which they didn't touch. In the center console of the car were a couple of iPhone cables, a watch, a headlamp, and... Here's the big one... a spare key to my car!!!! They could have taken my whole freaking car but they only took my bag and for that I can't help but give a big sigh of relief. 

God is good. All the time. That's another thing that I have had to continually remind myself this weekend and something that I was smacked over the head with in church this morning. Things could have been much worse and they weren't. It's only a little window in my car and while I am nervous to drive it around all week without that little window, I can still drive my car and there doesn't seem to be any rain in the forecast for the week which is definitely something to be thankful for right now. In church today, I was reminded about finding peace in the presence of God. That in His presence, He has everything that we need. Yes we need to be cautious, yes we need to try to protect ourselves and make wise choices and be good stewards of the things that He entrusts us with, but that's just the thing... They are HIS things... Those were not my things (and maybe it would have been harder to come to that realization if those actually were my belongings instead of the schools but still), those were HIS things. He entrusted them to me and He can take them away. 

Today in church we sang this song and it kinda destroyed me. It reminded me that in His presence is where I need to be. This week more than ever. It's been a crazy, stressful, anxiety ridden weekend and I know this week will just continue that, but this song gave me some peace. This song helped me remember that God is good, all of the time. And even though I am stressed and nervous about the fallout that may come from this whole situation, I can have peace knowing that God is good, all of the time and in His presence there is peace.

"Your Presence"

by Planetshakers

All of my life I've searched for You Lord
You called me to Your side
With all of my heart, I'm desperate for more
Your presence is my life
The cry of my heart
Is to be where You are

I love Your presence
I love Your presence
Father where You are is where I wanna be
Hidden in Your courts is everything I need

You are my strength, You are my shield
Surround me with Your song
All that my soul will know is Your peace
You hide me in Your love
The cry of my heart
Is to be where You are

I love Your presence
I love Your presence
Father where You are is where I wanna be
Hidden in Your courts is everything I need

I love Your presence
I love Your presence
I can hear You call, I run into Your arms
Jesus You are all, my heart is longing for

Father You are my heart's desire
Overwhelmed I will worship You
I will dance to the dance of heaven
All my heart be enthralled by You

I love Your presence
I love Your presence
Father where You are is where I wanna be
Hidden in Your courts is everything I need

I love Your presence
I love Your presence
I can hear You call, I run into Your arms
Jesus You are all, my heart is longing for

It's That Simple

Ok... So much to say and not much time to say it... So much has happened in these last few months that I can't even begin to sum it up in this one post. From leaving my old job, to finishing my Masters, to summer fun, to teaching summer school, and now starting my new job... It's been a wild ride. One in which I promise to write about soon (well... maybe... we'll see if I get to it...), but right now I wanted to share with you something that was shared with me (and the rest of the school) at our back to school Mass (that's right... I work at a Catholic school and I have already bee to three Masses in the last three weeks and will be going to another one next week... Look at me now!)

I never thought I would be working at a Catholic school, but God has made it very clear in many different ways that this is where He wants me to be. Having worked in this school now for the last 5 weeks, there are many things that I am learning and sort of loving about the Catholic faith. The traditions and prayers are beautiful and extremely meaningful. And while many things in this faith becomes routine for both students and staff, the heart behind it all is real. The purpose and desires and convictions of this faith are no different than my own and I love that.

Anyway, at this week's back to school Mass, the new Priest appointed to our school gave his Homily (from what I can tell, it's like the sermon given at church... but MUCH shorter). During his Homily, Father Arnold shared with the students and staff three things that he thinks we all (himself included) need to say more often this year. That's it. Three things we need to say more often. You ready for them.

1. I Thank you
2. I am Sorry
3. I Love You

That's it. Three things that we all need to do more in our lives. Three things that every teenager and honestly every human being needs to say more often. We have so much is our lives. We are constantly blessed by God and those around us and it's important that we demonstrate and express our gratitude. Secondly, we mess up. I mess up all the time. People around you will mess up. People will let you down. You will let other people down. We have to say we are sorry. We have to own our mistakes and grow and learn from them. And finally, tell people you love them. It really goes a long way. Expressing how you feel about others is one of the most important things we can do in our lives. It's something that I know that I don't do enough of.

So this week, here's a challenge for you. Say these three things. Hopefully you won't have to say the second one, but let's be honest, we will have to say it. Show your gratitude and say thank you. Say your sorry when you wrong someone or mess up. And most importantly, tell someone you love them.

Make it a great week!