Well, this morning marked the first day of yet another semester at CSUN! I have to admit, the last week or so I have psyched myself out way more then I really should have. I really didn't want to start school (especially since I am seriously considering changing majors). Going to class just seemed like a waste of time. I felt like I had wasted the last two years studying and working so hard and now I am just gonna go and change it. I know everyone goes through all of this stuff when they go to college and it's all part of life and growing up and stuff, but last night really sucked! I spent most of the night praying that God would take this semester and roll with it. I didn't pay all of my tuition (I was $300 short after my Cal Grants and stuff) and CSUN is really good about dropping people from their classes if they don't pay their tuition. So last night I was almost praying that my classes would be dropped and I could try and take a semester off... but God must have other plans because I made it to school this morning and I still have all of my classes (I payed my tuition today too so now I am broke... until I get paid tomorrow).
So here I sit in the library once again, waiting around for my 7pm Anatomy lab (my last class was over about an hour ago). I do have two online classes which will probably take up most of my time, but for now I wait and I blog about the breakdown I had last night and relying on God for whatever he has in store. It kinda sucks doing what you don't want to do sometimes doesn't it?
4 comments:
hi love...i know this must be rough for you, and extremely stressful, but I try to remember that God uses every experience we have...time is not wasted when it is time spent seeking His will. And if he really didnt want you there, he would have def found a way to make it not work out, two years ago. And yeah maybe you should change majors, but I also worry that the commuting is part of what is contributing to your huge burnout. Is there a school closer that you can attend? I dont know, jsut some thoughts...lets do coffee next thursday ;) in LA somewhere hehe love you
-Belle
That last part is so true. When I decided the Lord did not want me to go to Hungary, it sucked at first because I really wanted to go. Hang in there and God will show you why you are to attend those classes. I love your heart for seeking Him.
I would have to agree...it is very hard to do what you don't want, or to not do what you do want. However, at some point, you may look back and find that your greatest joy came from actually doing the very thing you did not want to do. And perhaps even, that God's greatest blessings to you came out of you obeying Him and trusting that His way is best. Your heart is so precious to Him...
"So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that he has promised." Hebrews 10:35-36 NLT
Hey -- you didn't tell me you were going to switch majors. I guess we can catch up tomorrow. I'll pick you up at 5:15 again?
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