I Keep Rolling On

This weekend was pretty good. Actually now that I think about it, it was really good. Friday I went into work. The kids were all getting back from their camping trips which made for a mellow afternoon. The kids were all really good and I even was able to get off at 7 (about two and a half hours earlier than normal...) I had switched my sleepover duties with Tami so I could swing by camp for Seeds (the Jr High Girls retreat). I went straight over to camp and was able to catch the tail end of dinner and the evening gathering and campfire (my favorite!). After the campfire I went home and to bed just to wake up early the next morning for Counselor Coffee. It was really nice to hang out with some of the counselors from summer before heading over to work for the day. Work was good... The kids were still super tired from camping and were really mellow. My little 6th grader that usually exhausts me's mom came to visit him Saturday which was great. I actually got to just hang out with the kids and not have to worry about him. I got off at 10 and headed back over to camp for the Seeds sleepover party. When I got there they were having a dance party and I helped Nae DJ. The party went pretty late and then I helped Holly clean up/set up for breakfast the next morning. I think I got home a little after 12 and went to bed. Again counselor coffee the nex morning and then work. El was gone Sunday so I was in charge with one other teacher on duty with me. We went up to Santa Barbara for the day. She took some kids to see Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs while I got to spend the whole afternoon hanging out with a gril named Hevyn (all of her friends went home for the weekend and so we were buddies for the day). Hevyn is such a sweet kid which it's hard to see sometimes with the people she hangs out with. But it was really nice to spend the afternoon with her. We sat in Borders reading for a couple hours before getting some coffee and walking around people watching. We played a little in the Apple store before heading back to the bus. All in all it was a really mellow, nice weekend (despite not really sleeping at all... but you can sleep when you're dead right?)

For now I keep rolling on. Writing papers, doing homework, and just trying to keep breathing (I've been listening to a lot of Ingrid Michaelson lately so that is an Ingrid reference).

Familiar Faces

I realized as I sat in my last class that my last entry was a little depressing so I thought I would clarify a few things. Sometimes I am sad. It happens to everyone; some more than others. But it happens non-the-less. These last couple of weeks I will be the first to admit that I have been a little on the sad side. No particular reason (maybe it's the birthday... maybe it's stress...) but I will say that I have been on that side of the track for a little bit. I am however trying to find joy in things around me to bring me out of this funk I seem to be finding myself in:

One thing bringing me joy right now are familiar faces. Yes I see the same people at youth group and work but I mean faces that show up in places I wouldn't really expect. For example yesterday at Disneyland (I know, how can anyone be sad while at Disneyland... it happens... trust me) I ran into two of my favorite people from camp (that's probably not fair to say, but I couldn't tell you how many favorites I had from camp... there are a lot!): the lovely Courtney Clayton (it was her birthday and it was nice to see her) and Abby Rich (she was a counselor the first week of camp and we had some good times together). Those two alone brought a smile to my face, but then today at school I ran into Piper and Emy. It was great to see people I knew at school, even if it was just to give them a little wave and go on my way to class. And just when I thought the familiar faces were over, I ran into Kathy Bergman on my quick stop at Trader Joes. It's great how a familiar face can just make you feel at home.

Other things bringing me joy right now:

• Driving down to LAX on the PCH as the sun is rising... Beautiful!
• Not quite ripe Yellow Nectarines... the reason I say not quite ripe is because I like them a little crunchy and tart. When they get ripe, they are usually softer and juicier and sweeter and while they are good, I much prefer them crunchy.
• Great feedback on my English paper. We had to read the book Out by Natsuo Kirino (it's a novel about 4 Japanese women who work in a factory together and are "friends." One of them murders her husband and the other three help her cover up the murder... I hate reading and when I do read, it's never fiction, but I actually enjoyed this book... very grusome and violent but a good read non-the-less) and we are supposed to write a 5-7 page essay on a specific theme or topic or character in the book and somehow relate it to our class theme (feminism). The prompt was super broad making it so we could write about almost anything which always makes me nervous. But the intro paragraph and outline were due today and we got into small groups to discuss our papers and help each other out. Everyone in my group gave me great feedback and they all really liked my intro. The professor even came over and said that she really liked my intro. I know, big deal, you're doing well on a paper right? But here's the thing, I don't consider myself a good writer and I have always struggled (in my opinion) with English and papers. So the positive feedback was really comforting and reasuring and I think I can actually finish this paper with confidence.
• And finally, and it may sound dumb but here it goes, Red Sunflowers. I stopped in at TJoes today to pick up some stuff for dinner and there were these beautiful Red Sunflowers staring at me. No reason really why I liked them. They just made me smile.

So here's where I stand. Trying to find joy. And actually succeeding.

Two things before I finish this post:

1. Please be praying for Daisy Love Merrick. She is the daughter of Britt Merrick, the teaching pastor at Reality Carpinteria (the church my parents attend and call their home). Monday doctors found a tumor the size of a nerf football taking up most of her abdomen and today doctor's were able to remove the entire tumor. She is still going to need Chemo and the recovery is going to be crazy but please pray for healing on her little body. For details and updates on little Daisy Love, visit their blog.
2. And two, something that stuck out to me as I was driving home today:

Savior I come, Quiet my soul, remember
Redemptions hill where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom. Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees, Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself, I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

Word Vomit

Ok... So I tried to be good about blogging, but for some reason I can't seem to sit down at a computer long enough to process all of the thoughts that I would like to share with you. My laptop crashed about six months ago and since then I have been sharing a computer with Janae and my parents. A couple of years ago, it wouldn't have made a difference because my parents hardly even knew what a computer was (just kidding guys... that's an exaggeration). But as they learn more and more about it (Facebook for example), I seem to see less and less of the computer. And when I do see the computer I feel bad sitting there for hours at a time spilling out my thoughts for the world to see (or the two people who actually read my blog)...

Let's try and do a quick catch up shall we....

Work started a couple of weeks ago and it has been going really well for the most part. I have a new boss this year and she isn't around as much as Dave was which puts me in charge a lot. I don't have a problem taking charge but it kinda sucks to not be getting paid for it... Our kids this year are great so far. No major problems as of yet but it's still pretty early in the year. Last weekend was rather exhausting. We have this one little boy who is a 10 year old 6th grader with severe ADD, depression, etc. He doesn't have any friends which means he is with a staff member at all times. Guess who had him all weekend? Yup... I was really tired. But I really feel bad for the kid. We'll see if he makes it through until Thanksgiving but I am kinda thinking he won't... I've been spending more time with the boys this year (when I am "in charge" it's easier to be in the boy's dorm because it is more centrally located on campus... plus most of the staff members hate being in the boys dorm anyway so I figure I can take it).

School... Oh school... school is ok but stressful and busy. I really like three of my four classes and absolutely hate my forth class (computers). It's one of those classes that almost makes you forget that you like your other classes because of the big black cloud hovering over you making you not even want to get out of bed in the morning. Maybe that's being dramatic but I actually really hate it...

I've decided I hate my birthday. I love other people's birthdays. I love celebrating them and enjoying them, but I hate my own. It's weird and people sometimes get mad at me about it but I really get freaked out/depressed around my birthday. I get all anxious and find myself struggling to find air to breath. I want to curl up in a ball away from the world for the week. It's weird I know and I wish I could explain it. Maybe it's the attention that freaks me out... Or maybe I worry if anyone will even remember... Or maybe I just feel like every other birthday has been a let down so I just expect it to be a let down... Or maybe I hate that the one day of the year I don't want to be alone, I always find myself feeling the most alone (even when I am not)... Maybe it's a combination of all four... Maybe it's none of those. I don't know. All this to say, I am sorry to anyone who wishes me a happy birthday. I appreciate you all SOOOOOO much and I love that you care and I love that you show it. I am sorry if I don't always show/express that.

Ok... enough word vomit for today... I really do want to try and be better about this to avoid dumping everything into one long/depressing blog.

Black Tuesday?

Today has not been a great day... I woke up, checked my school email and found out that two of my classes were canceled today because the instructors were using their furlough days today (due to the crappy budget cuts their salaries got cut by 10% and they are required to take a set number of furlough days). Great right! I slept awhile longer and then checked my email again and found out that my last class of the day (Computers) was a mandatory attendance day. NOOOO!!!! Last thursday was optional attendance. And all of the homework and class work, I can do at home!!!! But if I didn't show up to this one class today, he threatened to drop me (not just me, everyone... it sounds like I have been ditching which I haven't been... I've been really good about going to class...). Ok, fine... Going to class... On my way there I almost get killed on the freeway by an idiot in a black BMW on his cell phone... Today just isn't a great day and I am kinda in a bad mood... I hope it gets better...

Claim Jumpers

Yup... This is on the menu tonight... look good? It is... Last night I picked up my mom from Burbank Airport and we stopped at Claim Jumpers in Valencia for dinner. We split a pizza and this delicious Blue Cheese Wedge Salad. Hope everyone else likes it as much as I did.

School was great today. I love math... It just makes sense. Everything around me can be changing but Math will never change. I'm weird, I know (some would say nerd) but I like it. It makes sense to me.

Just Call Me Oscar...

Today was not a great day... In fact, I might even have to go as far as to say it was a bad day. Why you may ask? Nothing to specific but let me try and paint the picture for you. 9am I drove my abuela and my tia Leecha (yes that's her name) to Santa Clarita to meet up with my tio David who drove them the rest of the way to Palmdale. Not a big deal but a little out of the way when it comes to having class at noon. So driving back towards Camarillo I really wasn't into going to class but knew it was only the first week of classes and I can't start up with my old habits. Plus I had a paper due and I knew I had to be there.

So I get to school and go to exchange my math book (I bought the wrong one and the real one cost my an extra $55). Buying books puts me in a terrible mood! Paying for school puts me in a terrible mood! I hate how much money people (myself included) have to pay for school. And on top of tuition, they want us to buy $150+ books (per class...) and a $145 parking permit? It's dumb! Anyway, after getting the book, I go and try to find a place to park and there is zero parking... and by zero, I mean, I drove around for 30 mins before I found someone leaving. I hate looking for parking and 30 minutes is out of control! As soon as I got out of my air conditioned car, I was blown away with this large amount of heat that instantly got me sweating. Oh and did I mention the parking spot I found was on the opposite side of campus in comparison to my class? Yeah... that sucked. And it was Balls HOT!!!! I know I am complaining, but just give me this...

English was fine. We talked about Feminism :-&... I could kinda care less but I guess it's kinda interesting. I was already in a bit of a grouchy mood (hence the title of the blog... get it?) and just wanted a 'D' DC (in case you don't know the abrieves, 'D' is for damn and DC is for Diet Coke). Class got out and so I went over to my next class (that didn't start for another almost two hours). Thankfully the door was open and there was no class before my next one... and it's a computer class so I went and sat on the internet for a good two hours. The brief time between classes was great (and I got a DC which helped) but then class started...

Ok so my computer class. I would say I know a good amount about computers. More than most people but not near as much as others. I know Microsoft really really well! For this class we have the opportunity to test out of the class. The first of a series of Test Out exams was given on the first day and you had to score 65% or better to be eligible to take the other exams. Now while I know the ins and out of Microsoft, I am not quite as knowledgeable when it comes to the ins and outs of a computer and saving documents in different formats and SPTs and WLAN vs LAN (I actually know the WLAN stuff and the saving stuff... but you get the idea). I took the test and scored a 61%... That SUCKS!!! I know computers! I know how to work a computer! Why the Hell do we need to know what a SPT is? It just sucks to be so close and to still feel like a failure... Anyway, that was Tuesday and we are talking about today (thursday). Today we had the second in the series of exams which he still was requiring everyone to take and it was the Excel exam. I know Excel! I took a class in HS and I have been using it forever! I know that program! But going into a test that I know I can kill and knowing that it won't matter... SUCKS!!!! The test was basically recreating a chart that the professor already made with some random data. The object was to show that we knew how to create equations to find inputs as opposed to doing it ourselves. Of course he locked the sample chart so we couldn't just copy and paste... However, he also did something weird where he locked all tools that would allow us to make a real chart... Merging cells, bold text, text alignment... all of it... gone... I was still able to get the info in and create the equations which is what he wanted but it didn't look like the original (the numbers were the same which is what really mattered) which if you know me at all, it's not ok (OCD and all... it wasn't perfect and I wanted it to be perfect...)! The second part of the test was to take the information and create a bar graph. Super easy! But again with the whole, locked tools thing, I couldn't even get to the create a graph section! I was so pissed. Not to mention the professor is kinda a D-Bag and was upset that I haven't bought the $145 book yet (class only started Tuesday...)...

I know this sounds like a lot of complaining and yeah it is actually... Today wasn't great. I was grouchy and unhappy which sucks but tomorrow is a new day full of meetings, hanging out with teens, and lifeguarding for kids with Cancer...

Wrong Class...

Today is my second day at CSUCI (and I say is because I am still here waiting for my computer class to start) and I have to say there are some definite highlights for today.

1. My SPED/PSY 345 class has a girl that I used to play soccer with named Anna Lee.
2. My SPED/PSY 345 class has a girl from Sarah's class in it named Krista Sweezy.
3. Upon taking role in my SPED/PSY 345 class I come to find out that the girl that sat next to me's last name is also Andrews (the instructor thought we were sisters but it was a total accident that we sat next to each other... I have never seen her before in my life).
4. And yes, for the first time in my life, I went to the wrong class... Now is wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be. I sat in a tini little class alone for about 20 mins before three other people joined me. When it came time for class to begin and no one else was there, I decided to look into it. Turns out the class schedule had posted one room while her syllabus (which I thankfully printed out last night) said another. The four of us hurried to the other class where she didn't even notice we were late.

I am actually really excited about my SPED/PSY345 class. It's a Special Education/Psychology class that discusses Individuals with Disabilities. These Disabilities rang from AD/HD to Cerebral Palsy to Tourette's. It should be a fun class with a lot of writing. My English class is going to be a little rough, but I think I am excited about it. I am excited to work on my writing and hopefully become a better writer. Maybe then people will actually read my blog... (JK!). My computer class is about to begin. Pray that I can remember everything I need to know about Microsoft to be able to test out of this class...

What is a Function?

Def (n): a Function is an assignment between two sets A and B such that any element of A is assigned to exactly one element of B.

Today marked my first official day at Cal State Channel Islands. I only had one class which if you can't tell already was Calculus. Today we did a little review on Functions but I spent most of the time thinking about how all math professors are exactly the same! Has anyone else ever noticed this? I am not sure if it applies to High School math teachers so much... well... maybe it does... Let's see... Most math teachers (and I say most and not all because it's not fair to say all) are tall? Not super tall but in the 5'8" club at least (which is taller than me so I say tall)... Asian (and again, I say most... and it's not a racist comment... just an observation)... Awkward (and I say this because it's true... they walk into the room all quiet and reserved and try and crack jokes that aren't funny... but are funny because they think it's funny)... Quiet and Reserved... and they all have the same sense of humor (they like the puns and play on words... it's crazy but they are all the same).

Class went well today. Syllabus, short intros, how was your summer? all that great stuff. And the best part, we got out early. Tomorrow will be much longer as I have three classes and am going to try and pick up a fourth. I'll let you know how that goes later!

God Is Good... Take 2

Just a little taste of what's going on and how God is good and something you can be praying about... My mom's best friend Trisha is not a Christian... she has spent most of my mom and her friendship making fun of my mom's beliefs (in a loving joking way where she respected it but didn't believe it). On August 9th, Trisha's 14 year old nephew was burned to death in a terrible car accident. This tragedy has completely rocked Trisha and her family but what is amazing is my mom has been able to be there for Trisha through all of it. The funeral is next weekend and my mom is flying up to be with Trisha. My mom walked with Trisha yesterday and she said that God is doing some amazing things in Trisha's life... She can no longer deny that there is a God and she can no longer deny that He loves her... She asked my mom why she would go up north for the funeral when she doesn't even know Hunter (her nephew) or his family. I love that my mom gets to show Trisha Jesus' love through this time... God is good and He has amazing plans for Trisha and her family but please continue to pray for her and her family... they suffered a terrible, tragic loss with Hunter's death but I know God is working through this.

God Is Good

I started this entry a couple of weeks ago when camp actually ended (well maybe that was only a week ago... I've been so busy I kinda lost track of the time) but I haven't really been able to formulate my words. But with school starting tomorrow I better wrap up this chapter before I move onto another.

My summer at Forest Home Ojai Valley was definitely one I will remember forever. There are many things I will remember, both good and bad, but I think the biggest thing I will take away from this summer is that God is good! Pretty simple, I know. Whenever people ask what I learned this summer it's that God is good. I have heard it my whole life and I knew what it meant but it was never really real to me before. I think I just saw so many times this summer that God is good and I heard so many people say it over and over again that it kinda clicked in my head. I don't think anyone can really wrap their heads around how good God is (I don't think our human minds can really contain that full knowledge) but it became more real to me this summer than it ever has.


The summer started off great! It was so nice to work with other Christians and to live somewhere other than my house for the summer (not that living at my house is bad but sometimes I feel like a loser because I am almost 22, living at home with my parents. I know it's the smartest thing for me to be doing right now but it was nice to try something different). My roommates in the beginning were Becca and Kat. I had met Kat previously but never met Becca before camp. It was great getting to know them through sharing Leo Carrillo D. Through some crazy mice inccidents we also become psuedo roommates with the girls of Leo C (our door had a crack at the bottem and mice got it... we had mice for about a week until I moved some furniture and scared them out... we taped up the bottom of the door and had to go through the adjoining room's door... Leo C), Mallory, Alyssa, and Lauren. There are too many stories from Leo C/D to write down. The first week of camp was all "getting to know you" stuff and staff meetings (you know, the sexual harrassment stuff). The meetings were quickly followed by lots and lots of program development. I have never been given the freedom to come up with games and ideas before and it was really neat to be able to participate in that. We had crazy stuff happen with some staff members and some left earlier than planned, which was sad but God is good and He was faithful through it all. Through some of these events, I ended up switching to Leo C and joining Mal, Alyssa, and Lauren for the last three weeks of camp. What's funny is when I moved out, Kat and I started hanging out more than when we lived together. It was neat to spend that time with her and share our hearts with each other for those last three weeks.


When asked what my favorite part of camp was, I think I would have to say the people. The churchs that came, the students, the counselors, the youth pastors, but esspecially the staff. I really felt like I had a family when I was at camp. I trusted each and every one of them and loved getting to know them. I can honestly say I miss each and every one of them and I can't wait to see them again!

Like I said, I have been really busy since camp ended. I have been working almost every day (trying to pick up hours at camp until I start my real job). The tan is looking great (I've been lifeguarding... it's kinda my fav and I didn't get to do it all summer so I am glad I have been able to this last week) and I think I am ready to start school. Good thing too because my first class is tomorrow morning at 8am. Not too early but enough to get me going for the day. I'll try and be better and keeping this updated, but we will see what this semester holds. All I know is that God is good and it is all in His hands.