Family Time

My cousin Kristen was in town this week with her son Ash. They came over for a couple hours yesterday so Ash could get his first haircut. My other cousin Lyndsey (Kristen's sister) just had a baby about 6 weeks ago and she also came over for us to meet the new little guy. My mom fell in love with him and absolutely can't wait to be a grandmother... too bad for her, she is going to have to wait awhile. They are super cute though!

Living In Tune

There are a lot of things that people try to live in "tune" with: mother nature, stars, planets... The last few weeks at youth group we have been talking about Religion vs Relationships pertaining to Christianity. Last night at youth group we watched another Nooma (The kids seem to actually pay attention with them so we use them when they apply) called Rhythm (011) which talked about being in a relationship with God and living in tune with Him. Rob Bell related Christianity as a religion/relationship with playing music. There are people who know everything there is to know about music (pitch, resonance, overtones...). This knowledge is a beautiful thing, but it also can become a burden that doesn't allow them to really hear something truly beautiful and inspiring. They miss what is really incredible about the song. While others who may not know as much about music as others aren't burdened by an overabundance of knowledge and can really hear the beauty of a true pure song. Likewise there are people who have so much knowledge about Christianity that they miss the beauty of living in a relationship with God. I'm not saying don't read your Bible because that is super important, I just think that when we put so much emphasis on the knowledge of being a child of God instead of actually living in a relationship with Christ.

This week I actually got the cool opportunity to begin to develop a new friendship. During the week, I spend a lot of time hanging out at Coffee Connection in Ojai (the only fair trade coffee bar in town). The people who work there (John, Brennah, and Amber... among others) are super fun and great people! We usually chat a little here and there which has been fun and is probably why I keep coming back. At small group on Tuesday, to my surprise, Amber from the Coffee Shop came. It was so nice to see a fresh face and a new perspective at small group and it actually is giving me more motivation to go. The next day at the coffee shop, Amber was working and she came over and chatted with me a bit during her breaks. Later, she was heading out for her lunch break and came out to invite me to go with her. It was super neat to share a meal with her and just get to know a new friend. Thank you God for new friends and old ones. Thank You that we are relational people and thank you for inviting us into a relationship with You!

Side Note: New gauges are in. 4G's so take a look!

He Has Risen Indeed!

Ok, so I am a couple of days late on this one, but better late than never I suppose. This weekend was crazy for me! Not only was it Easter weekend and I was sort of irritated that I had to work, it was also Parent weekend which is sort of a pointless weekend for me to be working because all of the other staff members are on duty to talk to parents. I tried to keep the best attitude I could the whole weekend (which was probably setting myself up for failure to begin with). I had to remind myself several times why I took this job in the first place: that I am there to love on some kids who are sent away from their parents to live at some random school with a ton of random people. Parent weekends are especially sad to me for the kids who's parents/guardians/friends of the family don't come to visit. So in that sense I get excited to family to those kids on those weekends. Saturday we took a few of the kids who had no commitments and no one visiting to Ventura for a few hours. We went down to the Pier and walked around for about an hour (it was so beautiful!!!). After that we went to lunch then the mall. It was nice to get away and not have to sit in the dorm and be bored all day long!

Sunday morning I got up early and went out to Sunrise Service at the lake which was incredibly gorgeous! The weather lately has been amazing (despite it sucking for my allergies)!!! Sunrise was great and it was nice to be with my family (both immediate and Church family) for Easter. After that I went strait to work for the day. We were able to convince Dave (my boss, the Weekend Coordinator) to let us take the kids to Easter service in the Park. The kids had to stay for the worship portion of the service, but most went to Farmer's Market during the sermon. Once we got back to school we did an Easter egg hunt (not my favorite thing in the world but the kids liked it... especially since many of them had never experienced a "traditional" Easter Sunday). Later in the day we decorated some Easter Eggs which the kids really seemed to enjoy. Over all, the weekend was fun and I was happy to be there for the kids who essentially had no one else. I took some pictures of the weekend so you should check them out!

Out Of My Mind

Basically Emy Reynolds is amazing! Bottom line!

Last night, Sammy and I met up with Cory, Carl, and Cookie (talk about alliteration) for Emy's show in Santa Barbara. Emy rocked the place out with some incredible songs (many of which I have never heard before)! The other wannabes couldn't begin to compare to the incredibly beautiful sounds of Emy! If you get a chance you should for sure check her out and hear her play sometime (or check out her MySpace to listen to some of her songs). The drive up and back chatting with Sammy was super special and I am so thankful for her friendship. After the concert, Sammy, Cory, Carl, Emy, and I went down to the Wharf and hung out for a bit before heading back to Ojai. The night was beautiful and the company was equally beautiful!

Plugged Up

Man, two posts in one day! This hasn't happened in ages! I don't know if many of you know, but I HATE doctors!!! Ok, I don't hate doctors in general (I know a lot of people who are doctors or who want to be doctors), but I hate going to the doctor's office! I hate being told that something is wrong with me... It's way easier to ignore things that are wrong than to go to the doctor and have them tell you that you are dying... I already know I am dying I don't need someone to tell me... Way weird thought process but it's actually pretty common among many Mexicans...

All this to say, I went to the doctors today because I have had persistent pain in my ears for the last two months (the pain has nothing to do with the gauges... the doctor actually thought they were cool). I get sharp pains down in my inner ear and I always feel like I am underwater and that they need to be popped. So, I made the appointment because I actually got sort of scared that they were infected and that I would go deaf if I didn't get them taken care of. It turns out that my allergies are really bad and one of the tubes inside my inner ear (on both of my ears) has been swollen shut causing pain and a strange underwater feeling. They also weaseled me into scheduling a physical so I am not looking forward to that at all! I am glad to know that I am not going deaf. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I couldn't hear... To open them up, they have me on a ton of allergy medicine so hopefully I will be able to hear better in a few days...

A Fresh Look

I realized today that I have not yet updated you all on my current church situation. As you know (because I seem to type it every time I blog), I can't go to my normal church (Community) because of my work schedule. Three weeks ago, I finally got the courage to try something different. I went out to Simi Valley for Axis (it's Cornerstone Christian's college service on Sunday nights). It was a good service. I had never heard Francis Chan speak before so that was really cool. I totally felt comfortable there because it was all kids my age, but it didn't feel like home to me. No one said hi to me or welcomed me which doesn't seem very typical of people my age. So that one was alright, but I was still looking. About a week later, Danielle Sloneker called me to let me know about a new bible study starting up for college students in town. Eric Olson, the new youth intern at OPC wanted to start up something in town for the few college kids to get together and encourage each other through studying the bible. The study is cool and Eric is totally rad! The only problem is the group is super small (like two other people other than me). I am trying to give it a fair shot, but it's something that I am really struggling with.

Which brings me to last Sunday. Our church had a Saturday night service that was switched to Sunday nights at 5 (but apparently they talk and hang out for the first 30 mins so I actually can shoot over there after work and be ok). It's a super small group (like 6 people that I have never met before), but it's a really neat community of people and I am actually kinda excited about it! So that's where I am at as far as church and the bible and community...

As far as the fresh new look goes, at Church on Sunday, Paul (out pastor) challenged us all to really think about this Holy week and what it really meant for Jesus to die for us. A lot of people look at Holy Week with the end being a happy ending of Jesus rising from the dead. It's happy for us because we know the ending, but what was it like for His disciples? Was Good Friday really that Good for them? Paul challenged us to read through the gospels this week but to stop before the resurrection to try and bring us to a place of brokenness and pain that Jesus was brutally murdered for us. It's actually sort of depressing (in a good way) to read through the gospels and to only focus on Jesus's life and death and I would totally recommend it to anyone reading this blog.

Yesterday I went to the Labyrinth at church and was literally face to face with the death of Christ. Whoever is in town should try and get there tonight or Friday because it really opens your eyes to what it really meant for Jesus to die for us. Without giving it all away, there is one part in the labyrinth where you are getting your mug shot taken (the second half is like you are being arrested and walking down death row). On the podium was Galatians 2:20 (I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.) and as you looked up to the big screen, there was an image of you on the cross. I can honestly say that broke me to pieces. I have thought about verses like Gal 2:20 and Matt 16:24-25 about being crucified with Christ and taking up your cross, but I have honestly never visually put myself up on that cross as Jesus died. The truth is that's what I deserve and He did it for me... My mind is truly boggled and perplexed...

A Bad Case of the Grumps

This weekend was a rough one for me. Normally I go into work and have a fairly good time with the kids and make it out tired but alright. This was not the case this weekend. I guess it all sort of fed off of Thursday night. I went to youth group excited to hang out with some of our teens, when I came across some kids doing some not so OK stuff. Unfortunately this was one of my girls which really left me feeling really hurt, betrayed, heart-broken, and empty all at the same time... making for not the best night at youth group and an even worse night of sleep that night. Then an early morning for school mixed with heading to work that afternoon left me not so excited about entering a weekend of work where I was stuck on sleepover duty (when I am on sleepovers I get to sleep on the couch and not leave the school until Sunday night... if I am brave enough I get to take a shower in the kid's showers while they are sleeping... not fun!). The afternoon went well, but all of the kids could tell I was in a grumpy mood. I even knew I was in a grumpy mood. Does that ever happen to you? You know you are grumpy and you know why you're grumpy but you can't figure out how to turn the grumpiness off? Well, that was me on Friday night. On top of all of that I had to sleep on the couch at work and I just wasn't super happy.

Saturday we had an early wake-up call in order to leave for our trip down to LA's Asia towns. We were supposed to leave at 8:30am, but due to some unknown bus problems we didn't get off until 10. We actually only had time for Little Tokyo and Korea Town, but it was pretty fun and I took lots of pictures. Luckily I was able to come home last night and sleep in my own bed and take a shower in my own shower which put me in a much better mood for today. I think I was just looking forward to going to The Farmer's Market and picking up some tasty tangelos and blood orange juice. We had fun finding goodies at the market and then spent the afternoon in the park. There were moments of joy through the grumpiness which I am trying to focus on: Another dorm parent was around on Saturday morning and made me a cup of coffee (that actually helped alot). My boss Dave came to do our nightly check-in (we make sure we both know how many kids we have for the night) and saw that I looked tired. I told him I had a really bad headache and he went over to the infirmary to get me some ibprofin (like I couldn't do it myself but still it was really kind). Saturday my sisters brought me cookies and milk and hung out with me for a bit which raised my spirits and Janae came and spent the day with me at work on Sunday. Thinking about the joyful moments makes the weekend seem much less of a drag. Thank You God for helping me find joy despite my grumpiness.

PS: I went up to 6 gauges last Thursday and there are new photos up on my Flickr. I will give you the link for those who are interested, but those of you who don't like them should not look!

Welcome to My Life

Do you ever find yourself getting busy but still feeling like you have nothing going on (talk about oxymoron... I don't even think that makes sense)? Well, lately I have had that feeling. I don't really realize how busy I am until I bust out my schedule for someone. Here's my schedule for this week:

Friday (ok, so I am starting backwards to show you my crazy weekend): We took the kids to see Nordhoff's musical at Matilija. They did The Pajama Game and they did a great job, but the content of the play (one character is drunk the whole time and the lead girl took her dress off on stage -- she did have a slip on but still...) was not entirely appropriate for elementary and middle school children. (on a side note, I went up to 8 gauges on Friday and that's what that picture is!)

Saturday: We took the kids to Universal Studios. It was a beautiful and the crowds/lines weren't too bad. I think the longest wait was maybe ten minutes. My mom was on duty too so she and I got to hang out (with three other girls and at times my boss) all day! Check out the pictures!

Sunday: I got to take a couple of kids to the Farmer's Market in town. After that we got some ice cream and played in the park. It was a beautiful day and I really enjoyed it!

Monday: I left for school at 6 and got home at noon. I went over to Vons to pick up stuff to make my dessert for Homegroup. I spent the afternoon making a cake. Then at 3 I went over to babysit a coworker's son. While babysitting I took him out for a walk/run in the arbolota. At 5 I went home to take a shower before heading to homegroup. 6 was homegroup where we played an invigorating game of wiffle ball and later taboo. I got home a little after 10 and went to bed around 10:45

Tuesday: Leave for class at 6 back around 11. Drive to Santa Barbara at 12:30 (Mackenna has an early week and gets out at 1:20 instead of 3) -- back in Ojai maybe around 2:10pm. New Bible study at 8:45 at night (I hope I can stay awake, but I am really excited to go!)

Wednesday: Leave for class at 6 back in Ojai around noon. Go to pick up Mackenna at 12:30 back in Ojai around 2:10. Babysit Sage & Aspen from 2:10- 3. Hopefully Spin class from 4-5. Youth group from 6-9... and maybe sleep?

Thursday: Leave for class at 6 back around 11. Babysit from 3-5 (hopefully another run during that time... Running through the arbolota was nice because not a lot of people drive by and most of it is in the shade!). Youth group from 6-9. Sleep!

Friday: Leave for class at 6 back at noon. Work from 2:30-10 but I am actually on sleepovers so I get to sleep on the couch in the dorm (hurray for me...)...

Saturday: We have an early wake up for the kids because we are taking them to Korea town, China town, and Little Tokyo in LA. It is going to be a long but hopefully fun day!

Sunday: Farmer's Market and maybe park!

So, that's really just the outline of my schedule... I am sure I will fill in the holes here and there. I like being busy though. It keeps me on my toes... plus what else would I be doing? Sitting at home?

Peace

Due to this current, exciting state of utter confusion (yes it is very exciting!!!) that I find myself in, I have been intensionally putting aside time to read my Bible, do some devotions, and just sit in the presence of God. Last night I read something about Peace that really sort of made me think and sort of do a self check. It's from Brennan Mannings Reflection For Ragamuffins:

"The way to peace begins with accepting the truth of myself - the whole truth. Any bit of me that I refuse to accept becomes the enemy. My struggle to cope with certain people has a simple explanation: they represent to me precisely those elements that I have refused to acknowledge and accept in myself.
"To accept the truth of my own brokenness is unbearable, if not impossible, without turning to Christ. If my vision of myself is not purified by the mercy and compassion of Jesus, I have to get dishonest, camouflage my warts, and present to you a self that is mostly admirable, fault free, and superficially happy.
"For Meister Eckhart the equation "in Christ = in Peace" is always valid. When I accept the truth of myself, shipwrecked and saved, and give it over to the person of Jesus, I am in peace even if I don't feel at peace. The peace that comes from God and surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:7) was wrought by Christ on the cross and does not depend on my shifting feelings and moods.
"The peace that comes through accepting the whole truth about myself is rooted in Christ "who has reconciled all things in himself, making peace through the blood of his cross." The "Shalom" of Jesus is not a mere greeting but an authoritative declaration from the Son of God, a crucified word that produces the peace it proclaims."

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalms 139:23-24

As a child I was told that when people were mean to me it was because they saw something in me that they didn't like about themselves or I was the person that they wished they could be (now, this sounds like a giant power trip, and it really didn't come out this way exactly but I hope you get the idea... maybe you were told the same thing). I never reversed that way of thinking to actually examine myself. It's true that the things I don't accept in myself become the enemy and when I see those things in other people, there is usually conflict. How rad is it though that when we accept our whole selves as broken and saved the Shalom of Jesus becomes more than just a word but something that produces the peace it proclaims.

That's it... I read it last last night and I though it was really cool and I figured someone might get something out of it like I did. Last weekend I went to Axis to try out something new. The church service was good. Francis Chan is a great speaker and it was cool to finally hear him speak. The drive is sort of a bummer and I am looking for something closer. Today I ran into Danielle Sloneker who told me about a bible study that is starting up in a couple weeks for college kids so that might be a good alternative that I am praying about. This weekend is going to be crazy! Tonight I believe we are taking the kids to see The Pajama Game (it's the musical that Nordhoff is putting on this year). Tomorrow we will be heading down to Universal Studios for the day which I am sort of excited about (I have never been), but also dreading. At least my mom is on duty too so we get to hang out together! Please pray that this weekend goes well and that I have patience and energy for this crazy weekend.

I'M NOT EMO!!!

I didn't think that my last blog was as Emo as some other people said it was, but after reading it again, I could see why people are thinking that I am Emo. Just to reassure all of you who are so very concerned and thinking that I am "over life" (Cory!), I am not Emo, I am not depressed, and I am not "over life." I am actually really excited about life right now and I guess I didn't convey that as well as I probably could have. You have to understand that my last post was sort of written off the top of my head. It was all of the random crazy things and thoughts that have been going through my mind the last few months. Now, some of these things might sound a little like I am "over life" (I still can't believe you thought that Cory), but actually I am really excited about these things. I am excited that I have no idea where God is leading me! I am excited that I now can trust Him enough to say "God I want to follow you where ever you lead." These last few weeks my life has been filled with so much joy, excitement, and happiness in the amazing colors of greens, yellows, and blues and the smiles and love and fellowship with people that love and care about me. All this to say, I am not Emo. I apologize for the randomness and confusion (and length) of my last post. I am sorry that I confused others with my confusion. But, I really am happy right now and I have nothing to credit that to but God!

PS: Yes I started gauging my ears and even though some people are very against it (not to name any names... Amber...), it is fun and I think they look like normal earings to anyone who doesn't have gauged ears. Hear's the latest photo of 10g. I will probably go up to an 8g this weekend (or Monday because that will be a week which is a safe amount of time between stretching... yes I am being safe about this, I don't want to ruin my ears forever so I am being careful!)

May The Words of My Mouth

It's been awhile (at least in my opinion) since I have posted anything that really had any meaning. Sure the random happenings of my life are important to some (namely God... Sometimes I wonder if anyone else is out there reading this), but lately I have felt that most of my posts have been really superficial and sort of pointless. In response to these feelings of pointlessness, I thought I would share some of the things God has been doing in my life lately.

After going to Hungary last summer and Germany again this last week (well, two weeks ago), I have been feeling this overwhelming sense of confusion on what God is calling me to do with my life. Growing up hearing the missionary speakers at Hume and at church, I never really felt "called" to the "mission field" (and the reason I put "mission field" in quotes is because I am referring to overseas, third-world missions... I know now that there are many other mission fields in need). I always thought that missions were really cool and I enjoyed going on small missions trips to Mexico and LA, but I never felt like I could live anywhere but in the complete comfort of the United States. Well, leave it to God and his timing, this is no longer the case. After getting back from Kandern, I am finding myself being pulled closer and closer to Europe.

Now the hard part of all this is feeling as though I am stuck. I feel stuck in this normal routine of my life. I am stuck in my job, I am stuck at my school, I am stuck at youth group. That makes it sound like I hate my life and I don't. I am very happy with everything God is doing for me and through me. I say that I am stuck at my work because I love my kids (yes I love them, even though they are annoying at times and a bunch of spoiled brats, I really do love them. If their parents won't love them then who else will?). I say that I am stuck at school because I can't see an end in sight. I am way happy to have switched to Math because I think I can do a lot more with a BA in Math then I can with anything else, but I have always hated school and I feel like it's never ending! Now saying that I am stuck at youth group is probably a WAY bad thing to say so let me rephrase it for you, Ryan. I have made these really strong connections with a few girls at youth group. I love these girls and I don't want to abandon them. Working with youth is a huge passion of mine and gift that God has given me but there are so many kids and I am only one person.

Are you getting a sense of my confusion. I am writing it and it doesn't make sense to me. I have, however, been finding some clarity by getting back into the routine of regular quite times and journaling before I go to bed. I am also finding clarity in little moments like watching a NOOMA at youth group or singing a song all EMO. Last week we watched 008 Dust in the NOOMA series. I have seen it a couple times before, but it never ceases to amaze me how God can show you something different every time! In this particular NOOMA, Rob Bell talks about what it means to be like Jesus. He talks about how significant it was/is that He calls us to "Come and Follow" Him. The bottom line of it was He choose us not the other way around. He choose me and He continues to choose me! He called us to follow Him, because He believes that we really can be like Him. There was a saying back in Jesus' time that referred to someone following their Rabbi. They said "May you be covered in the Dust of your Rabbi." How powerful is that? To be following your Rabbi so close that the you are covered from head to toe with the mudd and dirt from His feet!

There is one song that has sort of been speaking to me a lot this last week. We sang May The Words of My Mouth at youth group this last week and I really had to stop and think about it. Normally, Ryan and Darren will sing the chorus all Emo and it used to bother me until this week. For those of you who don't know, Emo is short for Emotional and it is a huge trend right now among Jr High and High school students. It is sort of associated with tight pants, dark hair that sweeps across most of your face, and punk rock music that makes you want to slit your wrists (that's a little harsh. Some of the Emo music is actually sort of cool). Unfortunately "Emo" is also associated with really overly emotional people who cut and do this weird strangling until they pass out, but not die people. Anyway, back to the song, It used to bother me that Ryan and Darren would sing the chorus of this amazing song all Emo. Why would someone go and ruin a beautiful song by associating it with overly emotional people who cut themselves and cry all the time? It think this last week I finally got it though. Being Emo is about being passionate about about something and what better to be passionate about than loving and following Jesus? The lyrics are so powerful and there really is no better way to sing them than screaming them out at the top of your lungs to God. Now I am not approving or promoting being Emo, but it works for this song:

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You

Lord, will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart

I will follow
I will follow
I will follow You

Ok, so I might have gotten a little sidetracked with the whole Emo thing, but here is my point (if it is a point at all, because this post was way confusing and doesn't follow any sort of pattern at all); I don't know what my future holds. I don't know if I should renew my contract at work for next year. I don't know if I should go to Conference this year or Hume (I want to do both but that might just be suicide... I am feeling a stronger pull to Conference for all you who are wondering, but it is something that is in my prayers). I don't know if I should try and finish school or take a year off to figure things out. I pray that the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart bless Jesus' name. I pray that the deeds of my day and the truth in my way speak volumes of Jesus. I pray that Jesus will continue to be the first in my heart. All I know is this is what I am glad to do and it's time to live a life of love that is pleasing to God. I give my all to Him and surrender everything I have to follow Him!

May we be covered in the Dust of Our Rabbi!

*Just an update on exciting things in my life (other than the amazing, crazy, and confusing things that God is doing):

• I am thinking about going to Axis on Sunday nights after I get off work. I really miss going to church and I think if I start going again, I might be able to decide whether or not to renew my contract for next year.
• I started gauging my ears this week. It is sort of fun and exciting to try something new. And for those of you who are concerned (Mom, and maybe Sarah... I don't know how you feel about it), don't worry, I am not planning on going too big. One, I can't have them at work anyway so I can't go too big. Two, if I can fit my pinkie finger in it than it is too big. Three, I do want them to go back to normal eventually so I don't want to stretch them too far. But for now it is fun! I went up to a 12 yesterday and I am going to try and move up to a 10 on Monday!