Who Is This Person?

Have you ever made some changes in your life? Nothing major, just minor improvements of stepping out of your comfort zone, listening to the Lord, taking better care of your health, putting your health and wellness as a priority? A lot has changed in the last year or so and I think it took me until this moment standing in my kitchen (yes... I am standing in my kitchen with my laptop on the counter typing at the moment while I wait for the oven) to realize I don't completely recognize this person.

Now I don't think that is a bad thing and I don't think I am a completely different person, but I can see that these small changes I have made in my life are really making a difference in my attitude, my relationships, and my well being. 

I've been nothing some changes for a little while now and like I said, these changes have been progressive. It started a little over a year ago when I finally got involved in church. I joined a sisterhood group (see my previous post), then joined a community group. I took the foundations class and actually became a "member" (aka partner) at a church that I chose for myself for the first time in my adult life. Around that time I started serving and getting involved and I finally started to meet people and get connected. I recently became a sisterhood group leader and am helping with our big Fashioned event coming up March 3rd and 4th (it's going to be amazing... you should all come...). I played my guitar and sang for our two masses on one of our student retreats two weeks ago. I even sent in a recording of me singing to maybe join the worship team... I haven't heard back yet and they might not even want or need me. But I knew that it was on my heart to do it so I did it. 

In my personal life I joined a couple of online dating sites, which turns out were definitely not for me, but it was a step in the right direction acknowledging that I couldn't sit on my butt and wait around for the Fedex guy to magically become my husband. I became more confident in who I was (which definitely took some hard core melt downs and wrestling sessions with my insecurities and self-worth... which are not totally fixed but on the mend) and what I have to offer. More importantly, I am constantly be reminded of who I am in Christ and who He has created me to be. I really do believe that He has great plans for me and I can't wait to see them come to pass. But back to my personal life... I'm taking more risks. Last night I went to the movies by myself. I saw Hidden Figures and totally nerded out over the math problems and things in the movie (it was glorious). I signed up for a kickball league in downtown Sac (it was supposed to start last week but the last two weeks were canceled because of the rain) where I don't know a single person on the team or even in the league. 

Health-wise, I am back in the gym lifting again. I finally found someone to train with. She pushes me out of my comfort zone with training and kicks my butt most days. I finished my second round of Whole 30 and just have a different relationship with food than I ever had before. I care about what I put in my body and how it makes me feel. I have lost over 20 pounds since august and went down a jean size. I am almost two months into my year of no gluten and I can safely say I haven't had any major migraines yet (a few headaches here and there but nothing crazy). I've somehow become the expert on Whole 30 and have been encouraging friends, family, and even students to be successful on Whole 30. 

Even now, as I finish typing this post, I find myself not totally recognizing the person standing in my kitchen. Leggings, trucker hat, nikes, and my apron... drinking my gluten free beer (which is delicious btw) and typing away while I wait for my Paleo Butternut squash soap to be done (side-note: I just got off the phone with my friend who said that should be my Tinder profile... Or at least there should be a dating website that works a little like the Nordstrom website where people can see the person for who they really are and add them to their cart or not... Anyone know of a dating website like that? Let me know...). And as I stand here and wait, I can honestly say, I don't totally recognize myself, but I'm not mad about it...

Fashioned in Strength

Growing up in church and working at a Christian camp and conference center,I remember seeing the women’s groups and thinking that I would never be a part of something like that when I grew up. At camp, I saw women’s groups come in and out, running their events, and never had a desire to be a part it. I was too much of an introvert and didn’t think that socializing with a group of women was something I wanted or needed. Oh my, how God has a sense of humor. I first joined a sisterhood group at Project Church because I felt like I needed to get involved. To be perfectly honest, I was trying to sign up for community groups to meet guys but it was in between sessions and there were no community groups at that time. So I figured, ok… why not… I’ll give this a shot.

After my first sisterhood meeting, I was hooked. We met for breakfast and I was amazed at the diversity of the women in our group and their interest in getting to know me. Not what I do or whether I am married or not; all they were interested in was getting to know the real me. To say that my sisterhood group has been a blessing to me is an understatement. To be surrounded by a group of women from different walks of life, with different experiences and stories has been incredible. Being able to share my life with other women who have had similar experiences, who constantly speak truth into my life and point me back to Jesus has meant more to me than I can express in words.

If you have ever been to the Redwood National forest, you have seen these beautiful, monstrous trees that grow to hundreds of feet tall. Yet you may have also noticed that their roots sometimes are popping up out of the ground. In reality, the roots of these trees only grow 6 to 12 feet deep. So how do these trees withstand the winds and storms? Their roots grow out wide a good 50+ feet and intertwine with the roots of their surrounding trees. Together, they help those around them withstand the storm. This is what my sisterhood groups is for me. They have helped me withstand the storms of life by keeping me rooted in Christ and have strengthened me to continue to grow tremendously over this last year and for that I am truly grateful.

Worlds Collide

Isn't there a song that talks about worlds colliding? I tried looking it up and found a song that I didn't recognize. Anyone know what I'm talking about? Weepeies come to mind but I couldn't find anything. It might be some obscure Christian musician that I listened to when I was younger... I'm going to need to do some more research on that one...

Anyway... I have been thinking about this idea the last couple of days. We live in many worlds (or maybe it's just me) don't we? Not intentionally but maybe it just naturally happens. At least the things in our lives create these worlds that we live in. We have our family world. And our work world. And our social world. And our church world... etc, etc... It's normal right? I don't see why it wouldn't be normal.

Some people are just fine leaving their worlds separate. Some people don't particularly love all of the worlds they are in but stay in them because it's where God has called them to be to that time in their life. But what happens when you actually love your different worlds and you would love for them to collide but feel like they shouldn't?

I have different worlds. I have my family and friends world. And by friends I mean the people I consider family. I love spending time with them and doing things with them. We are all constantly laughing and just having a good time. Then I have my work world. It's a world where I have made a few very good, close friends that I feel like I can share my life with and be given advice and kindness. Then I have my church world. Which is an amazing world full of support and love and encouragement and above all JESUS, which has been growing an growing over the last few years and I am loving every second of it. I love all of my worlds! I get something amazing from each one and these things are not exclusive to one group or another. They all make up who I am and who I want to be.

But what do you do when you have a party? Or a birthday? First of all, I am not a birthday person. I love celebrating other people... I will do that all day long... but this introvert does not like it when the attention is drawn back on her (why am I a teacher again???). So I don't do birthdays. But if I did a LITTLE thing for my birthday... who would I invite? What would we do? Would all of my worlds respect that I don't like birthdays, I HATE surprises, and am content being mellow for an evening just surrounded by people that I love?

I'm not really sure where I am going with this... it's just something that I was thinking about these last few days. Do you have different worlds? Do you ever wonder what would happen if your worlds collide? I guess the question really isn't about what and how other people react or act when your worlds collide, because you have no control over that right? All you can control is yourself. All you really have control over is being the same person in all of your different circles (probably a better word than worlds) and not putting up a front or a mask to try to fit into different worlds.

And So I March

This weekend was nuts. First the inauguration of a man that many (including myself) believe to be unfit for the office of President. Next the March of millions of women, men, and children around the country attempting to make a statement to the new president and the world that women matter. That people matter. That love matters. Finally as a result of the march, social media, mainstream media, dining room tables, coffee shops, and cocktail parties around the country are posting their opinions and debating the issues and legitimacy of the March. So why not throw in my own two cents about it.

I'll start by saying that I did not march on Saturday, but I wanted to. Well... I was very conflicted about it. It was something that I have been in prayer about for over a month now (since I first heard about the march after the election). The Women's March of Sacramento website used the tagline, "We stand together in solidarity with our partners and children for the protection of our rights, our safety, our health, and our families - recognizing that our vibrant and diverse communities are the strength of our country." Which I 100% agree with. I believe that our rights, our safety, our health, and our families are extremely important and that is absolutely something worth marching for. I would march for that. I believe that change happens when we stand up and let our voices be heard. That's what this country was built on. Standing up for what is important. I will march for that.

Worker's Rights. Equal pay for women in the workplace. Just because some women get paid equally (or even more than some men), doesn't mean that others aren't hurting in that area of their lives. I will march for that.

Ending Violence. Drawing attention to amount of violence and turmoil in our country. The school shootings, the "Black Lives Matter" movement, the attacks against police officers, the attacks in night clubs, hate crimes. Supporting people who are hurting is a fundamental principle of being a Christian. Standing up for those who cannot stand up for themselves. Or better yet, standing with those who will stand up for themselves but need more voices and bodies to make some noise.  Just because someone says that "Black Lives Matter" doesn't mean that they do not believe that other lives matter. By supporting a group that feels like they have been ostracized and targeted for centuries, you are not minimizing the other groups that matter too. I will march for that.

Women's healthcare. Access to affordable healthcare services for women. Birth control, AIDS/HIV screenings, care, and prevention, medically accurate sex education. I will march for that.

Immigrant Rights. Civil Rights. Environmental Justice. Disability Rights. LGBTQIA Rights. I will march for that.

What I will not march for is in support of legal abortion across the country.

This one is hard for me. As a Human being and a Christian, I believe all life is sacred and that a life begins as soon as that little heart starts beating in their mother's belly. With that being said, I NEVER would judge someone who has had to make that choice. I would never stand in front of an abortion clinic and tell women who feel like they have no other option that they are going to hell. People make choices all of the time for many different reasons and it is not my job to tell them that they are wrong. It is 100% my job to love them and support them and hopefully help to fix a system that is very broken. I read another blog post (which is really what inspired me to write this one), that said if every church in the country took in one foster child, we would eliminate the foster care system entirely. I'm not sure about the actual statistics on that, but what a radical idea? That if Christians were actually doing what Jesus told them to do, we could actually make a difference that mattered. I will march for that. For Christians to stand up and follow Jesus' teachings (and I include myself in that category). But I cannot march when choosing to end a life is on the agenda.

And I still support those who would and did march. I know many people that I love and respect who showed up on Saturday and I am with you. The March was about so many different things for so many different people. For some if was a protest against the new administration. For others it was about women's rights. For still others it was about immigrant rights, civil rights, and for many it was just about love.

Had I gone, there are many things that I would have been marching for. For me it wasn't about the administration. Although I am disappointed and hesitant of what the future holds for our country with a man like that in charge, I am comforted by the knowledge that Jesus is Lord and HE holds my future! For me, the march was about equality. Equality for women, immigrants, minorities, widows, and orphans in their distress. Treating others with respect and love and finding ways to come together as a country and heal what so many of us have sadly broken. That is what I march for. That's what I hope many of us would march for.

But our march doesn't have to be on Saturday, January 21st, 2017. Our march was yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Our march is in how to raise our families. Our march is in how we treat our coworkers and friends. Our march is in what we stand up for in the day to day when life is hard and when we don't have a million others standing alongside of us. Our march is in our words and our actions. Our march is in treating others with respect and love, even when we do not agree. Our march is in trying to understand others and loving them when and for the times we disagree. Our march is in the choices we make each and everyday. Our march is now. And so I march.

Whole 30 Life

Last August I embarked on one of the most terrifying challenges I have ever tried, the Whole 30 diet. Ok fine... too dramatic... It's really not that bad and it honestly has changed my life. But when you have never been successful at losing weight or maintaining a healthy relationship with food, dramatically changing the way you eat for 30 days can be a little intimidating. Especially being a teacher whose student constantly bring in treats and snacks (Did I mention that I love donuts? Bagels too!). Not to mention, 'Diet' might as well be a bad word (it is 4 letters...). 

But despite my skepticism,  I went ahead with the Whole 30 diet starting on the first day of school. For those of you who are not familiar with Whole 30, let me lay it out for you.

30 Days: 

• No Dairy or Dairy Products
• No legumes (beans, peanuts, etc.)
• No grains (no bread, no recreating bread products with W30 approved materials, no oats, no granola...)
• No Sugar of any kind (no honey, no agave, no stevia, no fake sugars...)
• No alcohol

No big deal right? HA! And all of this I decided to take on on my first day of the new school year. What was I thinking? But I did my research. I bought the book. I spoke with friends who had done Whole 30 in the past. I found a support system. I even had someone who was going to try it with me for a few days. I did my meal prepping and planning and I was off to the races.

The book tells you what you can sort of expect each day of the 30 days and it was all really accurate. The first day was no problem. It was fun trying something new. But the next 9 days are pretty brutal, which I can't even sugar coat for you because no sugar on Whole 30. If you have never detoxed from sugar before, let me tell you... it's pretty awful. Now I have never detoxed from like drugs and stuff before so I don't want to minimize that but some days during the first 10 of Whole 30, it really can feel like you are detoxing from something serious. After the first ten days, you get into a groove, but sometimes find yourself dreaming about non Whole 30 foods. I remember a dream I had where I ordered a bean, rice, cheese, and sour cream burrito and when they brought me my food, I realized that I literally could not eat any part of it (all Whole 30 no no's). After the dreams end, however, about midway through, you hit your stride. They call this stage Tiger's Blood. You feel like you could conquer the world. It was during this stage that I had zero head aches. I was sleeping better than I had every slept in my life. My clothes were fitting better. And my gym workouts were filled with energy. 

One of the goals of Whole 30 is to help you isolate things that may have been in your diet for years that you have an intolerance to. The things that you are not allowed to eat are things that people traditionally have intolerances to. As you come off of Whole 30, the idea is to slowly start reintroducing those things back into your diet so that you can determine if you have any intolerances so that you can avoid them. I determined that certain beans make me feel nauseous and excessive amounts of gluten gives me headaches. I also lost 8 pounds in the 30 days and several inches off of my waist.

Since Whole 30, I have kept a fairly Paleo diet (very similar to Whole 30 just with less restrictions). I make my own food way more than I eat out. I have made my lunch everyday for school this year. Overall, since August I have lost around 20 pounds and have gone down one jean size. I am now on my second round of Whole 30 to kick off my year without gluten (see my last post). I am learning more about my relationship with food and focusing on what I put into my body. I'm realizing that I enjoy creating and playing with new recipes and am often excited about what I am going to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Even when I am not on Whole 30, I find myself reading labels constantly and choosing to buy products with natural ingredients rather than fake stuff. 

I can honestly say that Whole 30 has changed my life and I am excited about the prospect of more cycles of Whole 30 to come. 

New Year, New Me?

Last year was the first time I ever wrote down New Years resolutions. It wasn't something I did because I just assumed that I wouldn't be able to keep any of them. No one I talked to ever made New Years resolutions so I didn't feel a need to. Last year I made some resolutions. And while I didn't stick with all of them, something interesting happened as I wrote them down. I began to reevaluate my life and my present situations. I evaluated the past year, its ups and its downs, and determined how I wanted the next year to be different. Not only that but I set goals and wrote down ways I could make those things happen. It was an extremely humbling and refreshing experience to say the least.

Did I keep all of my New Years resolutions from last year? Absolutely not. But I did continue to revisit them throughout the year in an effort to remain true to the person I felt God was calling me to be.

For this year I have two resolutions (although, I'm sure if I really got down to it, I could write many more). But I only wrote down two resolutions this year and told other people about it so that they can keep me accountable.

1.) No Gluten for a year! I'll write about it later in another post but I have made some major discoveries in my relationship with food (#Whole30gains) and I am pretty sure I have a minor intolerance to Gluten.

2.) I am going to let my hair grow out for a year (with the exception of a probably necessary minor trim in a couple of months to even out my A-Symmetricalness, not a word but whatevs). I haven't had my hair long in a long time (mostly because I hate it). But I am curious how much it can grow in a year and I am interested in seeing what I can do with it when it gets longer. Pray for me as there might be more complaining about this resolution than there will be about the no gluten thing.

So that's it. And now that it is on the internet I have more people to keep me accountable (honestly just my mom and dad and my sister who still read this thing... but hey, it's something right?)

"No matter whether we see singleness as a time of blessing or a time of testing or both, God makes it beautiful. If we take a moment to stop complaining or lusting after things that are not meant for us in this season, we can become content with the plan that God has for us right now. He hears your thoughts and prayers and He knows the desires of your heart. God wants you to experience the most beautiful version of your dreams that is possible, and He will make it so in His time."

"When we sink into disobedience, it will start to feel as if God is further and further away from us, but He has not moved. It is our focus that has shifted and caused the distance. But then, God says, “Why do you doubt Me?” God has brought me through too much for me to lack faith in Him. He has also shown me how much better my life is when I live in obedience to His Word.

"The best part of the story is that Jesus stretched out His hand and caught Peter. He said, “You of little faith.” This indicated that Peter had some faith. And, if we can just have a little faith, even after we start sinking, God will not let us drown. He will catch us, correct us, and come closer to us as we draw nigh to Him. If being single is not what you desire for your life, it can be difficult, but keep your focus on God."

"Our past is his (Satan's) greatest weapon because he has no idea what our future holds. Our enemy wants us to feel beaten, broken, and blasphemous. If he can keep us feeling like God cannot love us, then we will not love ourselves. When we do not love ourselves, it is impossible to love others properly. Recognize this lie from the pits of hell and know that you are forgiven. You are loved by God. No one can take that love and forgiveness away."

From Fear to Trust

I love my church! I honestly am constantly amazed at how blessed I am that God has brought me to a place that I get to experience His presence and this grace through people around me. Moving to Sacramento, I never thought I could find something like what I had growing up. Something that felt like home... like a family... But God is good and his plan never ceases to amaze me!

Today Caleb spoke about moving from Fear to Trust in our lives which I found extremely appropriate for this Year of Boldness that I find myself in. Too many times in my life I have felt stuck. There are still aspects of my life in which I have felt stuck and way too often, those moments of feeling stuck come from fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of being alone. Fear of never getting married. Fear of never having kids.

Caleb gave an incredible word of what to do when there is nothing you can do. Often times people feel like they will never be happy again, or that nothing good can come from a particular situation, or that there is no point in continuing. But in those moments it is important to remember that God is not absent. God is not apathetic. And God is not angry.

Caleb encouraged us to move from fear to trust by first placing your trust in God alone. In Psalm 27: 1-3, David says that "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When evildoers assail  me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall." The Lord needs to be the stronghold of our lives. If he is for us, who can be against us? Caleb encouraged us to "trust in who God is, not what you need from him." How many times do we become discouraged and lose our faith in God when we don't get what we think we need from him? I know I am guilty of this. When things aren't happening according to my plan and my timeline for my life, I take matters into my own hands. But I was reminded today that I need to trust in who God is.

Secondly, to move from fear to trust we have to pursue the presence of God. This has actually been one of my resolutions this year and something I have been really encouraged by. My resolution has been to be in God's word everyday and so far, by the grace of God, I have been successful. Unless we have the presence of God in our lives, we cannot walk in the purpose He has for our lives.

Thirdly, to move from fear to trust, we have to acknowledge our desperate need of God. Even David in his faith and courage in the face of trials acknowledged that he needs God. Sometimes in these moments of crying out to God or in these moments of struggle when it feels like God is silent, we need to remember that God is not absent. Caleb shared, "Don't interpret God's silence as God's absence." God's silence may mean that He is preparing you for a great victory that will take place.

Finally, patiently wait on the Lord. This one really hit home for me (as you can read from my last post). Sometimes when it feels like God is absent, I try to make things happen on my own. I take things into my own hands and mistakenly think that God needs me help to make things happen in my life. We can start to feel that God is further and further away from us, but he has not moved. "Do not confuse God's appeared absence as apathy." He is still present and wants to bring you into a life filled with Joy, and Hope, and Purpose.

I'll post the link to the sermon when it's posted because it was a great one. But I wanted to share with you some of the encouragement that I received this morning. It spoke to my heart and it was for sure something that I needed to hear. I hope that you are blessed by it as well.