It's so easy to get burnt out on stuff. Usually I find myself burnt out physically (just from going and going) but I have been getting a lot of rest and have been feeling ok. Tonight I sort of realized that I am feeling really spiritually burnt out. I guess just not going to church in about 2 and a half months (I can't go because of my work schedule...) and week after week helping out at youth group, I am just finding myself running out of patience and love for some of my more "difficult" kids. I got so used to my "routine" of going to school and working during the week, helping at youth group on Wednesdays and Thursdays, and going to Community of Sundays. Not that I ever went to church to be "fed," but I went to church to have discussions with people and explore what it really means to understand, believe, and follow Jesus' teachings. Now my routine is all messed up with going to class four days a week (just in the morning three days and at night the other day), not working on weekdays but on weekends, giving what I can at Youth group, and then not going to church on Sundays.
I hope that makes sense, it probably doesn't. That's the best way I could explain how I am feeling right now. I mean, mentally I am great. Physically I am great, getting good rest during the week despite my long hours on the weekends. Emotionally I am ok, still kinda missing having a good support system of friends around me, but I am kinda getting used to it and just trying to be content and happy with the couple friends that I do have. Spiritually I guess I just don't feel like there is anything there... There's no fire there and that kinda bothers me. I know we don't always feel it (Everybodyduck said it pretty well in Because You Are: "I can't feel you like others around. I don't feel like kneeling or closing my eyes. Is there something wrong with my heart that I can't see or do you feel love still when nobody cries..."). I guess I just have to think a little more about the rest of the song ("So I'll praise you if I never feel you. And I'll love you because I know you're there. And if you should choose I'm sure one day I'll feel it, but feeling good is never the reason I cared").
3 comments:
Ah ... that song always gets me. Let's figure something out ... a book study, getting together once a week (besides our fabulous sewing class). BTW, I sewed a bag today!! A jean bag, I'll have to tell you all about it.
As I was reading, the Everybodyduck song came to my mind even before I read that you mentioned it. So, now I have nothing to say to you, except that I miss you and hope that your schedule could change to allow you to go to Community. Until then, stay close to Jesus by spending time daily with Him.
I know exactly what you mean! I work on Wednesdays with the 5th and 6th grade girls, do Life Design, another Bible Study and help out in other areas. But, going to church on Sundays is sort of hit and miss with us since we're trying to speak with different churches and raising support for PNG. It's crazy how time flies and then you(me) all of a sudden realize you're just burnt out! It really affects everything in your life.
Post a Comment