Lazy Day

Well, today I had a little bit of a lazy day. Instead of going to church today like a good Christian (sorry Ryan) I decided to stay home and relax for a little while. Well, I got to relax until I had to drive to Fry's with Sarah to get her phone fixed. They couldn't fix it there so we had to go to the Cingular in the Mall where we found out they couldn't fix it, but now it's working again (go figure!). My cousin came into town for a couple of hours which was nice. She is 6 years old and lives in Texas. It's my Mom's brother's daughter. It's actually a really sad story. He was engaged to her (my cousin Ambriel) mom, but her mom got really sick awhile back and passed away before they got married. Ambi's grandma has custody of her (they live in Texas), and my uncle lives in Palmdale, so whenever we can see them it's great. So after our huge phone run around we went and hung out at the beach for a little while.

Tonight was sort of interesting. Actually it went pretty well. Sarah's boyfriend (yes Sarah has a boyfriend and if you would like to hear more give me a call) came over and made sushi (my dad bought some fresh fish from the Harbor). It was nice to sit down and relax a little for the day, but tomorrow it's back to craziness of my life.

Bye Bye Burby!

Well, after a good long service of over 10 years, we finally put the good old Burb to rest. Well, we didn't kill it if that's what you think. We traded it in for a new car. I am now driving a 2004 Dodge Neon which we got a great deal on from my Dad's friend. I am so glad I don't have to spend $80-$100 dollars a week on gas (ok, so it was more like a week and a half, but it was a lot of money). Although I was excited about my new car, I was still kinda sad to see the Burb go. It's been part of this family for over ten years. I will always remember driving back from snowboarding and missing my exit because there were three butts hanging out of my windows. Priceless!

On another note, my Mom got her results back from her CAT scan and it came back clean. The cancer is gone! She will probably still do some light chemo to prevent anything further, but it was great news. My Dad tried to scare us about the whole thing. We got home from somewhere and he said in a very serious tone, "girls [just me and janae] I need to talk to you. Come and sit down at the table." He started saying how the doctor called and told us about the results from the CAT scan... yadda yadda (he drew it out so long I was going to strangle it out of him). Finally my Mom walked in and heard what my Dad was talking about and she screamed "there's no more cancer!!!!!" It was an exciting family moment!

Other then these two moments of joy, I have been kinda down lately. Not really worried about anything, just kinda bummed out about some stuff. So please pray that I can again find joy in the little things of life. Don't get me wrong, a new car and a cancer-free Mom are two things that should make me very joyful and they do. I couldn't be happier about those. It's just in the quiet of my day when I feel like I am doing the same thing over and over again that I begin to lose excitement. Please pray that I can find that excitement again. But for now it's Bye Bye Burby!

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

THE GOOD
Tuesday I finally brought a bicycle to school. My normal ten minute walk between each class was cut down to a 2 minute ride. Yay for not being exhausted from power walking to get to class on time.

THE BAD
My favorite class (World History Since 1500) now has a new professor. Almost five weeks into the semester and they switched professors on us. I was so angry, but what can I do? It's too late to drop the class so I guess I am stuck. But everything happens for a reason right?

THE UGLY
I really don't have an ugly. I just thought that was a cool title. I saw two ponies being walked across campus the other day which was kinda funny and kinda ugly. But yeah, nothing really ugly going on here.

Worry No More!

Last night I came to the painful realization that I worry way too much! The last two months or so I have not been sleeping well, having terrible nightmares (and I NEVER used to dream), and more recently been making myself sick with worry. Things I worry about:

1. School; midterms coming up; getting accepted to the Athletic Training program
2. Not having friends; Ok, I have friends otherwise no one would be reading this blog, but it sucks sometimes to be stuck at school and not know anyone; having to sit at Starbucks for 3 hours alone is not really all that fun.
   
3. My car; the Burb is all fun and games until I am spending $80 on gas a week
4. Moving Out; I am almost 20 years old and I still live at home; yeah it's cheap, but I pay for it in stress
5. My sisters; as they grow into young women and hope that I did them justice as their big sister.
6. My Mom; one word - CANCER
7. and so much more

It's amazing how much we (if not we, at least I) worry about stuff. All throughout Matthew and Luke (and many other places in the Bible) Jesus tells us not to worry about things, but it is so hard to let go of wanting control over our own lives. Like I said earlier, last night I came to the painful (there's nothing like a crying hangover; eyes burning, head pounding... you know) realization that I worry way to much. So here marks my new quest (I guess you can call it a new years resolution) to worry no more.

Same Ol' Stuff

Wow, it's been some time since I have updated my blog. It's actually been 10 whole days... man am I lazy or what. I guess nothing really exciting has happened lately so I just didn't feel a huge need to say anything significant. School went well this week. I had my first midterm (well, it's not really a midterm; it was a big test of three tests in the class) in Physiology. It was fairly easy considering that most of it was just review from biology classes I have taken in the past. I am excited about getting into the meat of the class and attempting to understand the complexities of the functions of the Human body. Dance was also pretty exciting this week as we finally started actually dancing instead of touching each other. I have to say that after watching some of the other people in my class attempt a pirouette, I didn't feel nearly as bad for sucking at dancing.

Things are going very well with my Mom. She saw the Oncologist last week and he said pretty much the same thing as Dr. Davis. She goes in for a CAT scan on Wednesday to make sure there are no other tumors. Depending on how the CAT scan goes, it's sort of up to my mom as to which direction she wants to go in as far as chemo and that sort of stuff. But she is in high spirits and is recovering very well.

Contact

Today I was thinking about human contact. There is a certain amount of human contact that everyone is comfortable with. I walk around school and see couples who obviously have no problems with contact (PDAs) and I see other couples who barely hold hands (like just holding each other's pinkies). I really have never been a huge hand holder (well, I have never had a person's hand to hold but my Mom's). I occasionally like a hug here and there from friends at the appropriate times (like last Tuesday at 11 o'clock at night when I found out my Mom had to have surgery) but that's about as far as my human contact goes. Today in my Dance class we had to get in partners and later we found out we were going to be giving each other massages. We were supposed to work on the trapezius, the rhomboids, the sternocleidomastoid, and the pectoralis minor. My partner's name was Jesus (like the Mexican way to say it; not like the Son of God). I gave him his massage first and then he gave me mine. It was awkward to say the very least (and he didn't even give a good massage cause my back is killing me). So I was wondering if anyone else is as uncomfortable as I was today with some human contact.

On a little note, my Mom is doing really well. She went in for her post-op appointment today. She has to go see the Oncologist later this week to see what will happen as far as possible chemo or some other treatment. The doctor also gave her the go ahead to walk, drive, and eat anything she wants (he also took out the staples; I got a cool picture of it before they took them out but I am not allowed to post it so ask me about it). Other then that my Mom is doing really really well! Thank you again for all of your prayers, thoughts, cards, dinners, and prayers.

Another Day

Well, at first I kinda hated this huge break between classes on Tuesdays (I still hate it kinda), but it certainly gives me some time to write in my blog on a regular basis. It's funny how missing one day of school can make you feel like you haven't been there in over a week (I actually haven't been here in a week, but it feels like it's been a long time). My morning classes were just as boring as ever. Dance was funny because we had to prance across the room. Well, we learned how to jump up first, then we began to prance across the room. It was the funniest thing I think I have ever done, and I am sure that's not the last of it. I am beginning to have a routine in my afternoon breaks. What I mean by routine is I go and read at Starbucks around the corner. It's not much of a routine, but I believe it has the potential to become one. I was supposed to go looking for a Thrift Store on Reseda today, but I didn't feel like driving around and wasting what precious gas I have left in my beast (the "Burb").

My Mom is doing very well. She is already getting a little cabin fever. From being at home all day and night. Last night Janae and I took over her bed while my dad watched TV in the living room. I kept offering the bed to my Mom, but she shot me down every time (she's so sick of that bed and it's only the first week). Other then that she is doing very well. As for me, I am getting a little cabin fever of my own sitting here waiting for class to start, but what can ya do?

Update

Well, it has been four days since my Mom had surgery and she is now home! She has definitely been recovering very well. As I said before, my Mom had surgery to remove a tumor from her colon on Wednesday. Wednesday she was pretty out of it all day; the tube going up her nose and down her throat to suck out the excess fluid didn't help any. Thursday I spent most of the day at the hospital. They finally took out that nasty tube which made my Mom much happier! Friday I had to work, but I made sure to go by the hospital before work. My Mom was doing really well. Later that day, they took out her catheter and she was finally able to drink liquids (she hadn't had anything to eat/drink since Monday morning). My grandma came up and totally babied my Mom. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen; My Mom asked me to hand her the chicken broth and as I was handing off to my Mom, my grandma intercepted it and blew on it like she did for us when we were little. This morning my Mom was finally able to eat some eggs and mashed potatoes which finally allowed her to come home (just in time too because she had just gotten a roommate today who couldn't stop throwing up when she was awake and snored when she slept). The biopsy on the tumor came back as cancerous but the good news (great news really) is it hasn't spread anywhere else. So basically she had cancer in the tumor, but they cut the tumor out so she doesn't have cancer anymore. The doctors will probably put her on some chemo, but it's really just a preventative chemo. So it's all been really good news so far. Please continue to pray for my Mom and my family as we still have a long way to go. My Mom has to be home for four weeks (if you don't know my Mom, lets just say she has a hard time sitting down for four minutes let alone four weeks) and she really can't be up and about too much for at least the first two. Please pray that we can be as helpful to my Mom as humanly possible without going nuts. But there is the update. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers!

On a Dime

Isn't it amazing how life can change on a Dime? Yesterday I was sitting writing about how lame my classes are. Little did I know at the time, my life was about to change forever.

Yesterday my Mom went in for a colonoscopy (she had been having some troubles with her bowels that I am not going to go into). The doctors found a fairly large tumor in her colon. She decided it would be best to have it removed sooner then later so she scheduled her surgery for today at noon. Unfortunately I did not find any of this out until 11 o'clock last night.

The surgery went really well. They ended up taking out about 12 inches of her colon as well as her appendix (Dr. Davis said it just gets in the way). The doctors said that they didn't see anything else in there to be concerned about. Now we just wait for the biopsy to find out if the tumor was cancerous. The doctors say that even if it is not cancerous, they might still do some chemo to make sure nothing becomes carcinogenic.

To say the least it has been a very long day, but as I was sitting watching my mom sleep (tubes coming out to wazzoo) I couldn't help but feel comforted by a book I was reading. Like I said yesterday, I started reading Starving Jesus and it has really led me to a lot of things that have really comforted me (I got a lot of reading done last night; I couldn't sleep and I really didn't have anyone to talk to at 12am last night). But it was today in the hospital room with my mom that I felt the most comforted. The chapter I was reading talked about trusting God and following your call... Then I came across a passage that I have read a thousand times, but this time it was really worthwhile:

Matthew 6:25-34

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I really don't have anything else to say but God will still be God. No matter how much worrying I do, God will still be God. I am still super shocked that this all is happening, but God is God and he is good. And as I cried myself to sleep last night, I could only sing "Blessed be Your name, on the road marked with suffering. Though there's pain in the offering, Blessed be Your name! Every Blessing you poor out I'll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say, Blessed be the name of the Lord! Blessed be Your name! Blessed be the name of the Lord! Blessed be Your glorious name! Blessed be Your name when I am found in the dessert place. Though I walk through the wilderness, Blessed be Your name! "

Great Expectations

Wow! Two posts in one day! I think that is a first. I just wanted to say that the class that I thought was going to be the most boring class of the day, ended up being my most exciting class of the day. World History since 1500 is pretty darn awesome! It also helps that my professor is totally cool and fun. Today we talked about the Scientific Revolution and the 30 Years War; things that were completely dull to me two or three years previous were now presented to me in such a way that I found completely interesting. I didn't even get on the internet during class because I was so into it (in case you can't tell, I am kinda in class right now; pretty boring)! So yeah, I was pretty excited about that class and I wanted to share it with someone (you all). It's funny how the expectations we have for things don't always come out the way we planned it. Well, back to boring T.A. lectures.