A Bad Case of the Grumps

This weekend was a rough one for me. Normally I go into work and have a fairly good time with the kids and make it out tired but alright. This was not the case this weekend. I guess it all sort of fed off of Thursday night. I went to youth group excited to hang out with some of our teens, when I came across some kids doing some not so OK stuff. Unfortunately this was one of my girls which really left me feeling really hurt, betrayed, heart-broken, and empty all at the same time... making for not the best night at youth group and an even worse night of sleep that night. Then an early morning for school mixed with heading to work that afternoon left me not so excited about entering a weekend of work where I was stuck on sleepover duty (when I am on sleepovers I get to sleep on the couch and not leave the school until Sunday night... if I am brave enough I get to take a shower in the kid's showers while they are sleeping... not fun!). The afternoon went well, but all of the kids could tell I was in a grumpy mood. I even knew I was in a grumpy mood. Does that ever happen to you? You know you are grumpy and you know why you're grumpy but you can't figure out how to turn the grumpiness off? Well, that was me on Friday night. On top of all of that I had to sleep on the couch at work and I just wasn't super happy.

Saturday we had an early wake-up call in order to leave for our trip down to LA's Asia towns. We were supposed to leave at 8:30am, but due to some unknown bus problems we didn't get off until 10. We actually only had time for Little Tokyo and Korea Town, but it was pretty fun and I took lots of pictures. Luckily I was able to come home last night and sleep in my own bed and take a shower in my own shower which put me in a much better mood for today. I think I was just looking forward to going to The Farmer's Market and picking up some tasty tangelos and blood orange juice. We had fun finding goodies at the market and then spent the afternoon in the park. There were moments of joy through the grumpiness which I am trying to focus on: Another dorm parent was around on Saturday morning and made me a cup of coffee (that actually helped alot). My boss Dave came to do our nightly check-in (we make sure we both know how many kids we have for the night) and saw that I looked tired. I told him I had a really bad headache and he went over to the infirmary to get me some ibprofin (like I couldn't do it myself but still it was really kind). Saturday my sisters brought me cookies and milk and hung out with me for a bit which raised my spirits and Janae came and spent the day with me at work on Sunday. Thinking about the joyful moments makes the weekend seem much less of a drag. Thank You God for helping me find joy despite my grumpiness.

PS: I went up to 6 gauges last Thursday and there are new photos up on my Flickr. I will give you the link for those who are interested, but those of you who don't like them should not look!

Welcome to My Life

Do you ever find yourself getting busy but still feeling like you have nothing going on (talk about oxymoron... I don't even think that makes sense)? Well, lately I have had that feeling. I don't really realize how busy I am until I bust out my schedule for someone. Here's my schedule for this week:

Friday (ok, so I am starting backwards to show you my crazy weekend): We took the kids to see Nordhoff's musical at Matilija. They did The Pajama Game and they did a great job, but the content of the play (one character is drunk the whole time and the lead girl took her dress off on stage -- she did have a slip on but still...) was not entirely appropriate for elementary and middle school children. (on a side note, I went up to 8 gauges on Friday and that's what that picture is!)

Saturday: We took the kids to Universal Studios. It was a beautiful and the crowds/lines weren't too bad. I think the longest wait was maybe ten minutes. My mom was on duty too so she and I got to hang out (with three other girls and at times my boss) all day! Check out the pictures!

Sunday: I got to take a couple of kids to the Farmer's Market in town. After that we got some ice cream and played in the park. It was a beautiful day and I really enjoyed it!

Monday: I left for school at 6 and got home at noon. I went over to Vons to pick up stuff to make my dessert for Homegroup. I spent the afternoon making a cake. Then at 3 I went over to babysit a coworker's son. While babysitting I took him out for a walk/run in the arbolota. At 5 I went home to take a shower before heading to homegroup. 6 was homegroup where we played an invigorating game of wiffle ball and later taboo. I got home a little after 10 and went to bed around 10:45

Tuesday: Leave for class at 6 back around 11. Drive to Santa Barbara at 12:30 (Mackenna has an early week and gets out at 1:20 instead of 3) -- back in Ojai maybe around 2:10pm. New Bible study at 8:45 at night (I hope I can stay awake, but I am really excited to go!)

Wednesday: Leave for class at 6 back in Ojai around noon. Go to pick up Mackenna at 12:30 back in Ojai around 2:10. Babysit Sage & Aspen from 2:10- 3. Hopefully Spin class from 4-5. Youth group from 6-9... and maybe sleep?

Thursday: Leave for class at 6 back around 11. Babysit from 3-5 (hopefully another run during that time... Running through the arbolota was nice because not a lot of people drive by and most of it is in the shade!). Youth group from 6-9. Sleep!

Friday: Leave for class at 6 back at noon. Work from 2:30-10 but I am actually on sleepovers so I get to sleep on the couch in the dorm (hurray for me...)...

Saturday: We have an early wake up for the kids because we are taking them to Korea town, China town, and Little Tokyo in LA. It is going to be a long but hopefully fun day!

Sunday: Farmer's Market and maybe park!

So, that's really just the outline of my schedule... I am sure I will fill in the holes here and there. I like being busy though. It keeps me on my toes... plus what else would I be doing? Sitting at home?

Peace

Due to this current, exciting state of utter confusion (yes it is very exciting!!!) that I find myself in, I have been intensionally putting aside time to read my Bible, do some devotions, and just sit in the presence of God. Last night I read something about Peace that really sort of made me think and sort of do a self check. It's from Brennan Mannings Reflection For Ragamuffins:

"The way to peace begins with accepting the truth of myself - the whole truth. Any bit of me that I refuse to accept becomes the enemy. My struggle to cope with certain people has a simple explanation: they represent to me precisely those elements that I have refused to acknowledge and accept in myself.
"To accept the truth of my own brokenness is unbearable, if not impossible, without turning to Christ. If my vision of myself is not purified by the mercy and compassion of Jesus, I have to get dishonest, camouflage my warts, and present to you a self that is mostly admirable, fault free, and superficially happy.
"For Meister Eckhart the equation "in Christ = in Peace" is always valid. When I accept the truth of myself, shipwrecked and saved, and give it over to the person of Jesus, I am in peace even if I don't feel at peace. The peace that comes from God and surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:7) was wrought by Christ on the cross and does not depend on my shifting feelings and moods.
"The peace that comes through accepting the whole truth about myself is rooted in Christ "who has reconciled all things in himself, making peace through the blood of his cross." The "Shalom" of Jesus is not a mere greeting but an authoritative declaration from the Son of God, a crucified word that produces the peace it proclaims."

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalms 139:23-24

As a child I was told that when people were mean to me it was because they saw something in me that they didn't like about themselves or I was the person that they wished they could be (now, this sounds like a giant power trip, and it really didn't come out this way exactly but I hope you get the idea... maybe you were told the same thing). I never reversed that way of thinking to actually examine myself. It's true that the things I don't accept in myself become the enemy and when I see those things in other people, there is usually conflict. How rad is it though that when we accept our whole selves as broken and saved the Shalom of Jesus becomes more than just a word but something that produces the peace it proclaims.

That's it... I read it last last night and I though it was really cool and I figured someone might get something out of it like I did. Last weekend I went to Axis to try out something new. The church service was good. Francis Chan is a great speaker and it was cool to finally hear him speak. The drive is sort of a bummer and I am looking for something closer. Today I ran into Danielle Sloneker who told me about a bible study that is starting up in a couple weeks for college kids so that might be a good alternative that I am praying about. This weekend is going to be crazy! Tonight I believe we are taking the kids to see The Pajama Game (it's the musical that Nordhoff is putting on this year). Tomorrow we will be heading down to Universal Studios for the day which I am sort of excited about (I have never been), but also dreading. At least my mom is on duty too so we get to hang out together! Please pray that this weekend goes well and that I have patience and energy for this crazy weekend.

I'M NOT EMO!!!

I didn't think that my last blog was as Emo as some other people said it was, but after reading it again, I could see why people are thinking that I am Emo. Just to reassure all of you who are so very concerned and thinking that I am "over life" (Cory!), I am not Emo, I am not depressed, and I am not "over life." I am actually really excited about life right now and I guess I didn't convey that as well as I probably could have. You have to understand that my last post was sort of written off the top of my head. It was all of the random crazy things and thoughts that have been going through my mind the last few months. Now, some of these things might sound a little like I am "over life" (I still can't believe you thought that Cory), but actually I am really excited about these things. I am excited that I have no idea where God is leading me! I am excited that I now can trust Him enough to say "God I want to follow you where ever you lead." These last few weeks my life has been filled with so much joy, excitement, and happiness in the amazing colors of greens, yellows, and blues and the smiles and love and fellowship with people that love and care about me. All this to say, I am not Emo. I apologize for the randomness and confusion (and length) of my last post. I am sorry that I confused others with my confusion. But, I really am happy right now and I have nothing to credit that to but God!

PS: Yes I started gauging my ears and even though some people are very against it (not to name any names... Amber...), it is fun and I think they look like normal earings to anyone who doesn't have gauged ears. Hear's the latest photo of 10g. I will probably go up to an 8g this weekend (or Monday because that will be a week which is a safe amount of time between stretching... yes I am being safe about this, I don't want to ruin my ears forever so I am being careful!)

May The Words of My Mouth

It's been awhile (at least in my opinion) since I have posted anything that really had any meaning. Sure the random happenings of my life are important to some (namely God... Sometimes I wonder if anyone else is out there reading this), but lately I have felt that most of my posts have been really superficial and sort of pointless. In response to these feelings of pointlessness, I thought I would share some of the things God has been doing in my life lately.

After going to Hungary last summer and Germany again this last week (well, two weeks ago), I have been feeling this overwhelming sense of confusion on what God is calling me to do with my life. Growing up hearing the missionary speakers at Hume and at church, I never really felt "called" to the "mission field" (and the reason I put "mission field" in quotes is because I am referring to overseas, third-world missions... I know now that there are many other mission fields in need). I always thought that missions were really cool and I enjoyed going on small missions trips to Mexico and LA, but I never felt like I could live anywhere but in the complete comfort of the United States. Well, leave it to God and his timing, this is no longer the case. After getting back from Kandern, I am finding myself being pulled closer and closer to Europe.

Now the hard part of all this is feeling as though I am stuck. I feel stuck in this normal routine of my life. I am stuck in my job, I am stuck at my school, I am stuck at youth group. That makes it sound like I hate my life and I don't. I am very happy with everything God is doing for me and through me. I say that I am stuck at my work because I love my kids (yes I love them, even though they are annoying at times and a bunch of spoiled brats, I really do love them. If their parents won't love them then who else will?). I say that I am stuck at school because I can't see an end in sight. I am way happy to have switched to Math because I think I can do a lot more with a BA in Math then I can with anything else, but I have always hated school and I feel like it's never ending! Now saying that I am stuck at youth group is probably a WAY bad thing to say so let me rephrase it for you, Ryan. I have made these really strong connections with a few girls at youth group. I love these girls and I don't want to abandon them. Working with youth is a huge passion of mine and gift that God has given me but there are so many kids and I am only one person.

Are you getting a sense of my confusion. I am writing it and it doesn't make sense to me. I have, however, been finding some clarity by getting back into the routine of regular quite times and journaling before I go to bed. I am also finding clarity in little moments like watching a NOOMA at youth group or singing a song all EMO. Last week we watched 008 Dust in the NOOMA series. I have seen it a couple times before, but it never ceases to amaze me how God can show you something different every time! In this particular NOOMA, Rob Bell talks about what it means to be like Jesus. He talks about how significant it was/is that He calls us to "Come and Follow" Him. The bottom line of it was He choose us not the other way around. He choose me and He continues to choose me! He called us to follow Him, because He believes that we really can be like Him. There was a saying back in Jesus' time that referred to someone following their Rabbi. They said "May you be covered in the Dust of your Rabbi." How powerful is that? To be following your Rabbi so close that the you are covered from head to toe with the mudd and dirt from His feet!

There is one song that has sort of been speaking to me a lot this last week. We sang May The Words of My Mouth at youth group this last week and I really had to stop and think about it. Normally, Ryan and Darren will sing the chorus all Emo and it used to bother me until this week. For those of you who don't know, Emo is short for Emotional and it is a huge trend right now among Jr High and High school students. It is sort of associated with tight pants, dark hair that sweeps across most of your face, and punk rock music that makes you want to slit your wrists (that's a little harsh. Some of the Emo music is actually sort of cool). Unfortunately "Emo" is also associated with really overly emotional people who cut and do this weird strangling until they pass out, but not die people. Anyway, back to the song, It used to bother me that Ryan and Darren would sing the chorus of this amazing song all Emo. Why would someone go and ruin a beautiful song by associating it with overly emotional people who cut themselves and cry all the time? It think this last week I finally got it though. Being Emo is about being passionate about about something and what better to be passionate about than loving and following Jesus? The lyrics are so powerful and there really is no better way to sing them than screaming them out at the top of your lungs to God. Now I am not approving or promoting being Emo, but it works for this song:

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You

Lord, will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart

I will follow
I will follow
I will follow You

Ok, so I might have gotten a little sidetracked with the whole Emo thing, but here is my point (if it is a point at all, because this post was way confusing and doesn't follow any sort of pattern at all); I don't know what my future holds. I don't know if I should renew my contract at work for next year. I don't know if I should go to Conference this year or Hume (I want to do both but that might just be suicide... I am feeling a stronger pull to Conference for all you who are wondering, but it is something that is in my prayers). I don't know if I should try and finish school or take a year off to figure things out. I pray that the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart bless Jesus' name. I pray that the deeds of my day and the truth in my way speak volumes of Jesus. I pray that Jesus will continue to be the first in my heart. All I know is this is what I am glad to do and it's time to live a life of love that is pleasing to God. I give my all to Him and surrender everything I have to follow Him!

May we be covered in the Dust of Our Rabbi!

*Just an update on exciting things in my life (other than the amazing, crazy, and confusing things that God is doing):

• I am thinking about going to Axis on Sunday nights after I get off work. I really miss going to church and I think if I start going again, I might be able to decide whether or not to renew my contract for next year.
• I started gauging my ears this week. It is sort of fun and exciting to try something new. And for those of you who are concerned (Mom, and maybe Sarah... I don't know how you feel about it), don't worry, I am not planning on going too big. One, I can't have them at work anyway so I can't go too big. Two, if I can fit my pinkie finger in it than it is too big. Three, I do want them to go back to normal eventually so I don't want to stretch them too far. But for now it is fun! I went up to a 12 yesterday and I am going to try and move up to a 10 on Monday!
  

Number 5

Isn't it funny how you can hear a song over and over again, know all the lyrics, and maybe even know how to play guitar to it and still not fully grasp the intensity of the lyrics? #5 is definitely one of those songs. I first heard it my freshman year at Hume when our band was Something Like Silas (now Future of Forestry). Back then this song was really pretty and had a cool girl's part ("I cannot touch you..."), but I don't think I fully grasped the power behind these incredible lyrics (I probably still don't get it but I pray that my eyes will continue to be opened to it). Anyway, we played it last night at Youth Group and it really made me think about how even though I cannot touch, hold, or see God, I know him. I hear his voice and his words in the silence of my day... Truly a beautiful song!

Hear Your Words
Hear your voice
Like the sound of rushing water to my soul
In the company of mystery

I am lost
I am found
In a whirlwind of my mind to comprehend
All the vastness of your beauty Lord

So Please Tell me (I cannot touch You)
In this Holy fear that you are near me (I cannot hold You)
In silence I will know that you (I cannot See You)
Will hear me Lord (But I know You)


Here I fall
At Your feet
And my heart will lift it's cries to be relieved
Of the things that keep me from you Lord

My soul knows
That one day
When this body and this mind have perished then
I will join in Heaven's songs until then

Please Tell me (I cannot touch You)
In this holy fear that you are near me (I cannot hold You)
In silence I will know that You (I cannot see You)
Will hear me Lord (But I know You)

A Trip Down Memory Lane

It is not very often that I get a weekend off, let alone get a weekend off where I get to go and visit my mom's family. This last week my grandma had surgery on her foot and stayed with us for a week while her foot began to heal. My mom drove her back down to Palmdale on Thursday where she was greeted by my Tia Irma and her son Aaron. My mom came back that day gloating about how cute Aaron (he is 4 by the way) is and how much fun she had sitting on the floor playing board games for hours. So Saturday we decided that we wanted to play with Aaron too so we drove back down there for the afternoon.

The minute that we walked in the door, Aaron invited us to play this Pop-Up Pirate game with him (basically it's this Pirate in a barrel and you pock swords into the sides of the barrel until the Pirate unexpectedly jumps up out of the barrel... sort of a Don't Break the Ice sort of game...). We must have played the game around 4 or 5 times, and every time that stupid little Pirate scared the crap out of me... Aaron thought it was pretty funny! After we got tired of the Pop-Up game (and by we I mean Janae and I... Aaron could have played that thing forever!) we moved onto an all time classic, Candy Land!!! I remember playing this game when I was a kid and I always remember getting really angry when I would get bumped backwards on the board. I half expected Aaron to be the same way, but he handled his losses so well! I was really amazed! After a round or two of Candy Land, we took a movie break (Yeah Alice in Wonderland!!!). Throughout the whole movie Aaron and I had tickle wars (I always won of course... but he was a solid second...). The rest of the day was full of more games (Chutes and Ladders), more amazing Disney movies (Aladdin and The Little Mermaid... it's really amazing what you miss in movies when you are 6 years old... Disney was a dark guy who put a really heavy focus of falling in love... weird). All of this brought me back to when I was a kid (you know, way back in the day since I am so old...) and playing random games with my sisters. Camp outs in the living room with TGIF and the latest Disney movie. Tickle wrestling with my Dad until I couldn't stand it any longer. There are definitely some good memories crammed into my brain and it was really fun to dust off some of those old memories this weekend.

What A Day... Oh What A Day!

What a day, OH What a day!

My Baby sister ran away
And now my tuba will not play!
What a day, OH What a day!

Well, my little sister didn't run away and I haven't played the tuba since the 5th grade (look at me still rhyming) but I thought this poem was appropriate for my lovely day! I had decided not to go down to school because I am still working on curing my jet-lag and I really wanted to finish painting my room (Tuesday when I got home I felt really inspired to bring some color into my room so I started painting). I got up around 7am (jet-lag is still working me pretty hard) and watched Across the Universe. After the movie, I drove over to Ace to pick up some more paint and then I went over to the Coffee shop to get some coffee and say Hi to Cory. By the time I got to Loma I noticed that my car was making a lot of noise and driving really strange so I pulled over to Mira Monte School and found that my right back tire was shredded to pieces. Seeing that I didn't have my phone (the ONE day I forget it) I wobbled my car over to the Smith's house to call AAA to come and put on my spare. The whole thing was really quite funny and I have no idea how it happened but it what a day it was.

Adventures In Odessey... Or Kandern?

I have officially been back in the states for the last two days and I still am fighting major jetlag, but it is all well worth it. My trip started off last Monday afternoon. My mom and I ended up leaving way too early for the airport putting me there 3 hours before my flight was scheduled to leave. Seeing that it was a Monday and I had no baggage to check (that's right, I did all carry-ons which made traveling a thousand times less stressful), I made it through check-in and security in less than ten minutes. I spent most of my time reading and people watching and the time went by really fast! This trip was very unique in that it was my first time traveling completely by myself which was super exciting! It was also the first time I have been on an airplane that was only half full! On my first flight out to Frankfurt I had the window seat and the aisle seat all to myself making it really easy to lounge and sleep most of the flight. An hour after arriving in Frankfurt I found out that my 5pm flight to Basel was canceled and that I had been put on the 10pm flight instead. I bought myself a sandwich and some water for dinner along with a Sudoku (it was all in German, but that why I like numbers... it's universal!). The 5 hours went by really fast and my flight to Basel was really short. I was greeted by Délice and her brother Rémy who were in crazy wigs and sunglasses with a sign "Hollywood Ambassadors: Michaela Andrews."

To avoid a novel of an entry, let me see if I can give you the highlights of my week. Wednesday afternoon (Délice and I slept in pretty late every morning which was amazing since I never get the opportunity to sleep in) we went into Basel for the last of the Fasnacht Parades. We spent most of the time walking around Basel and running away from people trying to attack us with confetti! It was so funny to see grown men and women in crazy masks and costumes! It really was a fun day. Valentines Day we were treated to a beautiful breakfast of cupcakes made my Délice's dad. We walked over to BFA and I got to see a lot of the GEMKs from conference and I also got to meet a lot of other really cool MKs. Later that night we went to an all girls Valentines Day dinner party which was a ton of fun. It was really cool meeting some new people and hanging out with all of them on Valentines Day.

Friday night we went to Délice's friend Heidi's house for a sleepover. Délice is performing in a Trio for a Candle Light Dinner later this week so we went over so the girls could practice their song and practice getting all dressed up and stuff! Saturday we went over to BFA for the Candle Light Dinner dress rehearsal and ended up hanging out there most of the day. It was fun watching all of the kid's acts and hanging out with the MKs in between different performances. Later that night we watched the movie Once with some MKs. I definitely recommend this movie to anyone who doesn't mind a ton of F*Bombs. It was a remarkable film, but it is rated R for language (nothing else though, it's very clean and truly a beautiful film!). Sunday we went to BFCF (BFA's church service) for church which was really cool! I really miss going to church and am sort of inspired to find a way to start going to a church again.

Monday was a crazy day! I went with Délice to her work and got to meet all of the amazing kids she always tells me about. Around noon she drove me to the airport to head home again. Sitting in the airport was really strange because there was NO ONE there! Our flight to Frankfurt was about 30 mins late, but my layover was pretty long so it wasn't a big deal (the highlight of this flight was probably one of the flight attendants: she had the WORST fake tan I have EVER seen! She was almost purple it was so bad!!!). The second flight of the day was from Frankfurt to San Fransisco (about 10 hours). I somehow got put in Economy Plus so the seats were wider and there was way more leg room (plus the seat next to me was empty again!). To avoid loosing my mind I slept the majority of the flight which really screwed me up as far as jet-lag avoidance.We got into San Fransisco an Hour early and again I did a ton of people watching. It's really fascinating the dynamics you see between people when you stop to pay attention. Anyway, my flight to LA was an hour late which put me into LA at about 1am Tuesday morning. Thinking that it was still 10am (9 hour time difference), I was wide awake the rest of the morning.

I am doing better now, but yesterday was really bad. I was actually inspired to start painting my room but once 2pm came around I couldn't function any longer. I was able to hang on until 7pm before completely crashing (I got to the point of being so tired I just wanted to cry!). I went to school today which was pretty relaxed, but I am definitely needing to get back on a normal schedule.

Overall, the trip really was a Blast! I think my favorite memory was sitting with Délice and Rémy in her room, listening to Adventures in Odyssey (good memories!). It was so nice to hang out with Délice and her family and it was really cool to see and even hang out with some of the MKs from conference! Thanks again Délice for opening up your home and sharing your life with me for a week!

PS: I was too lazy to put pictures on this entry so you will have follow this link and look at them there!

Leaving On A Jet Plane

That's right! In about 9 hours I will be sitting on a plane on my way to Kandern, Germany! I am so excited I can hardly focus and get things done (hence the blogging). I am not planning on checking any luggage which makes packing a bit more of a challenge, but it's a very exciting challenge! It turns out that the new Truth backpack that Ryan gave me (Well, Cory gave it to Ryan and he was so kind to pass it on to me... Thanks Ryan!) is much larger than I had originally thought. Most of my stuff seems to fit in that while the remaining scraps of whatever you need to take with you when you travel are going in a briefcase.

Work went well this weekend. It was sort of a madhouse of chaos at times, but all in all it was another successful weekend (Thank God!). Last night after work, Stephanie, Janae, and I went down to Ventura for last minute stuff and our traditional In N Out barge! Stephanie is going to be leaving while I am gone so it was nice to hang out with her before she heads back "down under" for another semester of school.

For now I am hanging out trying to tie up loose ends. Please pray me this week while I am away! Take care everyone and I will be back in a week!