DONE!!!!

That's right people! After 6 and a half long years of ups and downs and dropping out and transferring... I finally made it! Today was my last day of college and I couldn't be happier. When my last class was over, I couldn't stop smiling and all I wanted to do was praise God!

Rooftops

by: Jesus Culture

Here I am before you

Falling in love and seeking your truth

Knowing that your perfect grace

Has brought me to this place

Because of you I freely live

My life to you, oh God, I give

So I stand before You God

I lift my voice because you set me free

So I shout out your name from the rooftops I proclaim

That I am Yours, I am yours

All the good You've done for me

I lift up my hand up hand for all to see

You're the only one

Who brings me to my knees

To share this love across the earth

The beauty of Your Holy Word

So I kneel before You God

I lift my hands because you set me free

So I shout out your name from the rooftops I proclaim

That I am Yours, I am Yours

All that I am I place into Your loving hands

And I am Yours, I am Yours

Here I am, I stand with arms wide open

To the one, the Son, the everlasting God

I Heard it through the Grapevine...

Gossip is a funny thing... We all know it's wrong... We all know it is something we need to avoid... So why do we all still get sucked into it? I have realized that there are three different types of Gossipers...

1.) There are those who spread the gossip. These are the ones who hear something (or make it up) and pass it (or a version of it... or what they interpret of it...) on to other people. They might tell a few people or they might tell a bunch of people. They might think that they are "helping" other people out by filling them in on other people's personal information, but really they are just helping themselves by releasing something that was burdening their mind...

2.) Then there are then people who look for the gossip. These are the people who ask others to share what they know (these people and the 1st type get along great!). They may not necessarily share what they know with other people but they go out of their way to find it out.

3.) And finally there are the innocent bystanders. You wouldn't think it, but they are a big part of this gossip problem. These are the people who don't share gossip and don't pursue gossip, but are at the right place at the right time. These are the people who are around when the 1's and 2's are going at it... Sounds innocent enough... but these are the people who just let it happen... They don't say anything to stop it and they don't try and remove themselves from the situation...

Where is this coming from? I'm tired of gossip. And while I know it's unavoidable and it's never going to end, I'm attempting to make a change. Wish me luck...

A Little bit of Crazy

You know those crazy people? The ones that talk out loud, like they are talking to you, but you aren't sure if they are talking to you or not... So you make those faces that are kinda like saying, "Oh yeah?", "Wow, that's interesting...", or "Really?" There's this one crazy guy who comes in and swims every morning. And let's just say, I've gotten really good at these faces...

Divine Appointment

I believe that God is Big. It's hard for me to even wrap my mind around how big He is sometimes. Whenever I start to limit God or doubt how big He is, He seems to always throw people into my path that He uses to bring me back to Him and the His path. A couple of weeks ago, I had one of these Divine Appointments.

Recently I have really been praying a lot about the path I am on (in regards to teaching and what I will be doing after college...). Saturday mornings at camp, I have to open the dinning room at 7:30 to tidy up and get the room ready for breakfast at 8:30. Cleaning the room doesn't always take this long so I usually end up with some downtime to read and drink my coffee in a quiet room. This particular morning, however, we had a family group in and many of the older guests came up for some coffee. One lady in particular came straight over to my table and sat down to chat with me. I remembered her from years past but didn't remember her name or anything like that. We never had a conversation before (that I can remember) and there was no real invitation to join my very quiet table, yet she sat and started chatting away.

She asked me about my life and I shared with her that I am graduating this semester and am planning to teach Math. She got so excited (she even gave me a high five) and shared with me that she is a Science teacher. She told me all about her experiences teaching and gave me really good advice in regards to how long it takes to actually like teaching. She was so reassuring and comforting that I rang the bell late because I wanted to keep talking to her. Our conversation ended almost as quickly as it began, but the wisdom that she shared with me and the encouragement she gave me has lasted for weeks.

It's neat to see how big God is when He puts people in your life at the exact moment you need them... Even if it is only for a moment...

Defeat Me With Your Goodness

I like blogging. I like writing out my thoughts and going back and seeing where I have been and where God is taking me. Better yet, I like reading blogs. I currently have about 50 subscriptions to other people's blogs. Mostly people I know but some I do not know but like reading what they have to say. I wish I could explore more and read more of what people have to say.

I have recently been reading Donald Miller's blog a lot (as you can tell from a couple of my older posts) and was really touched by one of his recent posts. The post itself wasn't terribly profound and no it didn't bring me to tears (as many things often do...), but there was one phrase that just grabbed my attention and made me think. "God, defeat me with Your Goodness!" I am not sure what exactly I like about this phrase. It might just be that I really feel like I have been and continue to be defeated my God's goodness. A couple months ago, I opened myself up to God and His plan for my life and told Him to take control. And lately I have been so overwhelmed by His goodness and His plan that I have felt defeated. Not defeated like I want to give up but defeated like I want Him to pump the breaks a little and slow down a little.

The post is pretty short and I definitely recommend reading it if you have time, but if you don't, I think the last paragraph wraps it all up nicely:

"So here we are, temporary beings, with little to do but navigate our days in truth and humility. Perhaps it not the bigness of our personalities, but our smallness, our selves being defeated that will change the little bit of world God has appointed to us for caretaking. We connect with God when we ask Him to defeat in us all the ways in which He cannot connect, all the untruth and games and manipulation and we come to Him finally saying, okay, I get it, you really are good, defeat in me the lack of faith, let your goodness rid me of the stuff that doesn’t connect with you or the world around me"

Nerd Alert!

DISCLAIMER: I am a nerd... I am well aware... If you don't care for nerdy things... don't read...

Next week I am going to be teaching a couple of classes for our 6th grade Outdoor Ed program. I am really excited because I get to teach about Math in Nature. I wrote the curriculum for it last week and I literally can't stop thinking about it. It's fun to plan something and be so excited about it that you just sort of accept the fact that other people might not think it is as cool as you do. I think seeing Math in Nature is super cool. For example, the Fibonacci Sequence (1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55...) can be seen everywhere in Nature! Take the family tree of a male Honey Bee:

- A male Honey Bee is produced from the unfertilized egg of a Queen (female that is fed special hormones in order to produce eggs) Bee. Meaning they only have one parent.
- A female Honey Bee is produced from a fertilized egg: i.e. they have a mom and a dad.

So if we trace the family tree of a Male Honey Bee, you get something that looks like the following.
Anyone notice a pattern? If you go up the levels, you will notice that you have 1 Bee, who has 1 parent, who has 2 parents, then 3 parents, then 5 parents... And so on and so forth... It's the Fibonacci sequence people... So Cool!!!

I know I am a nerd... Don't say I didn't warn you!

Let's Talk

Do you ever have a conversation with someone that reminds you that you are not the only one who feels the way you do? That you aren't alone in your thoughts and ideas? That you aren't crazy?

I had one of those conversations today with a friend. It started out innocent enough. I hadn't seen her in awhile so I filled her in on my life and my family really briefly and then asked her how she was doing and how her family was. Well who knew that a little question would open up a conversation that would remind me of just how Big God is. She was so honest and open about her life and feeling burnt out and wanting to move on and feeling like God has something bigger planned for her and her family then staying in this little town and going through the motions. She talked about how she has been feeling God moving in her life recently and how she feels conflicted with what she has holding her here in her life and what the desires of her heart are. She is also confused and doesn't know if these desires are actual desires of her heart or a calling of the Lord.

It was kinda crazy and I can't really explain it but she put into words a lot of the same feelings that I have been having recently. Feelings of being burnt out (not with anything in particular but with things as a whole)... Big desires/dreams that terrify me but excite me to the point of tears... confusion in trying to distinguish my desires from what God has called me to do... And then guilt for having desires and not being content with what God has already given and done in my life... And the list goes on and on... And has been going on and on for about a month and a half (hence the lack of updates since the beginning of September). Today reminded me how great it feels to talk to someone about these thoughts and these feelings. It was a great reminder that I am not alone in these feelings. That I am loved and supported by many people around me that I need to reach out to in this huge time of transition in my life.

Thank You God for this reminder. And please give me the courage to share my feelings with others. Open doors and paths to where you want me to go. God, you know the desires of my heart God. But not my will but Yours be done!

Dream

Do you ever hear a song that just meets you where you are, right at that exact moment and time? I came across that song today. And listened to it four times bringing me to tears each and every time thinking about the things God has been putting on my heart lately.

Dream

By Priscilla Ahn

I was a little girl alone in my little world

who dreamed of a little home for me.

I played pretend between the trees,

and fed my houseguests bark and leaves,

and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream

That I could fly from the highest swing.

I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods

grown behind the park,

I asked God who I'm supposed to be.

The stars smiled down on me,

God answered in silent reverie.

I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream

That I could fly from the highest tree.

I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey.

I don't know what's left to say

about this life I'm willing to leave.

I lived it full and I lived it well,

there's many tales I've lived to tell.

I'm ready now, I'm ready now,

I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream

Do you ever have a moment in your day when you think, "Oh I can't wait to tell So-and-so about this"? Or do you ever have a lull in your evening and think, "I'll call So-and-so..."? I was thinking about that the other night... Mostly because I don't have a "So-and-so." I don't mean that to be a, "boohoo me... I don't have any friends... I'm so lonely..." that's not what I am saying here... All I am saying is when I come to a point in my day when there is a lull, or something exciting happens, I sometimes wish that I had a "So-and-so"...

Show Me Your Glory

I see the clouds, I step in

I want to see Your glory as Moses did

Flashes of light, Rolls of thunder

I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid

Show me Your glory, Show me Your glory

Show me Your glory, Show me Your glory

I'm awed by Your beauty, lost in Your eyes

I want to walk in Your presence like Jesus did

Your glory surrounds me and I'm overwhelmed

I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid

Show me Your glory, Show me Your glory

Show me Your glory, Show me Your glory

I want to look on the face of the One that I love

Long to stay; in Your presence is where I belong

I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid

Show me Your glory, Show me Your glory

Show me Your glory, Show me Your glory

What does it look like to daily pursue God? To desire to be close to Him? What if we were faced with the awe-inspiring beauty of His glory daily? What would it be like to actually be lost in His eyes? I think I would be afraid. But I want to see Your glory God. Show me Your glory! "I want to look on the face of the One that I love. Long to stay; in Your presence is where I belong."

Fears vs. Dreams

"We don’t normally face our fears willingly. Usually, God has to woo us into the desert. We are either chasing love or some other desire, and we find ourselves in the midst of a situation in which we have very little control. And when we lose control, we go into a mild form of trauma. But the good news is the greatest stories are lived in the desert. The great lives are lived in the places we most fear. If we fear being rejected, the great story has us standing at the door with flowers in our hands, if we fear losing love, the great stories have us letting that person go rather than clinging to them. If we fear taking a chance on a dream, the great stories have us quitting our jobs." - Donald Miller

Yesterday I started my last semester of my undergraduate education. It's going to be a pretty easy semester as far as school work goes, but as I start to transition into the next stage of my life and figure out where God wants to take me, I definitely have been finding myself facing some big fears but dreaming some big dreams. Amber posted a link to Donald Miller's Blog yesterday that got me really excited about the future. I am excited to face my fears in pursuit of my dreams with the strength and courage that only God can provide. I needed to read this blog today and see this video. Thanks for sharing Amber!

Flawz

So overdone, but never said enough...

Psalm 139
¹ You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made;
your works are WONDERFUL,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

God Provides

God is so good and He never ceases to amaze me how He always provides. I was coming out of this summer and going into this last semester of school, broke and broken, stressed about money and trying desperately to find a job in order to pay for this semester of school on top of my other bills. Then, out of no where, when I was close to the end of the rope, God provided. I was just offered well over the amount of my tuition in Grants which will help me cover the remaining cost of books, parking, and maybe even a laptop sometime in the future... Thank You God for always providing for me! Lord I am AMAZED by You! You are so Good!!!

I was listening to a sermon last weekend about discontentment in our relationship with Christ. The pastor mostly talked about how discontentment is actually a good thing in our faith. We should never be at a place in our relationship where we think we have enough. We should always be desiring more and more of Christ. We should desire to be closer and closer and to know more and more about Him.

I was really convicted and somewhat encouraged by that sermon. I have never really been where I want to be in my walk with Christ and I think that's ok. I think it's really easy as Christians to get complacent in our walks and I struggle with that sometimes. We should be desiring more.

"When I search for You everyday, I find how whole you make me. When I lay down all of my will, I am found within Your love."

This is my desire. To search for Christ everyday. And to find myself in His love.

Remember when a High School boy last week said, "Michaela, you look beautiful tonight"? Why should something like that make me want to cry? Probably because it was the nicest, most genuine thing I have ever heard from a guy. Even though he is in High School and it is slightly weird and inappropriate, it kinda brought tears to me eyes.

Saying Goodbye, Going away.
Seems like Goodbye's such a hard thing to say.
Touching a hand, wondering why,
It's time for saying Goodbye.

Saying Goodbye, why is it sad?
Makes us remember the good times we've had.
Much more to say, foolish to try,
It's time for saying Goodbye.

Don't want to leave, but we both know
Sometimes it's better to go
Somehow I'll know, we'll meet again
Not sure quite where, and I don't know just when.
You're in my heart, so until then,
Wanna smile, wanna cry,
Saying Goodbye.

Today's goodbye was hard. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because it was my last roommate. Maybe it's just too many goodbye's over and over again. Maybe my heart is just hurting and is finally letting loose. But today I cried. A lot. Why do Goodbyes hurt so much? Even ones that aren't real goodbyes but more see you later's?

Notty...

Welp... Summer program is now over. So many thoughts and feelings have been rushing through me these last few days. I plan on writing a full summary of the summer in a few days when I finish processing the whole summer, but for now I would just like to say that I have been stretched and bent in so many different ways this summer and it has been a blessing to watch God work in my life and the lives of others around me. It really was/is a blessing to have worked with such amazing people and I am so sad to see them go (there is nothing like going through the 5 stages of grief over and over again over the course of a week as you watch people leave). But I am so excited to see and hear how God will work in their lives this year!

Today I go back to hosting with three groups, including Camp Spin Off with DJ Tina T! Can't wait!

Baby You're a Firework!!!

I don't know if anyone saw the VC star the other day, but maybe some FHOV staffies were in it... They were a little crazy at the Parade... Standard! (We are also in the Ojai Valley news if you get that subscription...)

Dream Maker

This week I was given the amazing opportunity to be a Dream Maker for about 100 terminally ill kids ages 4-14. Going into the week, I had no idea what to expect. My naive mind thought I would be surrounded with visibly sick and feeble kids that would pull at my heart strings and cause me to spend the week hiding my tears behind my sunglasses. Upon arrival day, this was apparently not the case. As kids started pouring out of cars and busses, I was shocked at how normal these kids looked. Yeah, some were losing or have lost their hair, a few had some physical disabilities, but after watching them play and run around camp for about an hour, it was evident that these were just normal kids who just wanted to play and have fun!

This summer our staff is studying some of the Pslams and this week we were studying Psalm 27. Reading through this Psalm about fear and God being the stronghold of our lives was a great way for our staff to start the week and as I went about my week, I repeated verse 13 which says, "I remain confident in this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living." There were so many times this week where I saw the "goodness of the LORD in the land of the living," but for now I will only share two of them...

The first way I saw the goodness of the LORD was when I was working REC. This week at REC we sort of cut back on some of the rules we have and allowed anyone who wanted to go on the Zipline go. Basically the rule was if they could fit in a harness and were within the weight limit, we would figure out a way to let them go. There were a few kids who weren't strong enough to carry the rope up to the launch tower so our staff had to carry the rope up to the to of the hill a few dozen times a day. For those of you who are not familiar with our Zipline, carrying the rope up the hill can be very tiring and it's not usually something you want to do in 95 degree heat with 50% humidity. But our staff gave 110% to helping kids take the rope up the hill. We also had some kids who couldn't climb down the dismount ladders, so I took it upon myself to climb up and carry them down the ladder. There was one little boy who was maybe 8 years old that I carried down the ladder that honestly just melted my heart. Normally I hate walking up the hill, but I found myself putting myself on the Rover position just to run the rope up and down the hill with the little kids. I even found myself volunteering to come in on my day off to work REC just so I could hang out with the kids again. The last day of REC, the little boy who melted my heart the first day came back to REC to ride the Zipline and I literally ran over to Nicki and offered to carry him down the dismount tower when he came down. He came down the Zipline and I carried him off the tower. Then he wanted to go on the other Zipline so I carried him up the hill to the launch tower. As we were walking up the hill, we were chatting and he kept pulling my sunglasses up off my face and started staring into my eyes. I finally asked him if he just wanted to see my eyes and he said yes. I sat up at the top of the hill with him for a bit before he went on the Zipline. Right before he went on the Zipline he made sure that I would be at the bottom to carry him down the ladder again. I promised him I would and ran down the hill to carry him down the ladder again. To see the joy on his face as he rode the Zipline and to hear him cheer and yell in excitement really reminded me of the goodness of the LORD.

The second way I saw the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living was Thursday night. Thursday was Africa day and our staff was asked to be the African entertainment for the night. We put together an African drumming routine accompanied with an African dance and preformed it for the kids. Then we taught the dance to the kids and invited them onto the stage to dance and play drums with us. After playing drums, I went up to the sound booth to play some African music and got to witness what I believe was the most beautiful moment of my life. Seeing the kids dancing and singing on stage with the rest of our staff was such a beautiful thing that it honestly brought tears to my eyes. That night, one of the main leaders also pointed out a girl who had rode the Zipline probably around 10 times this week who was on stage dancing with the biggest smile on her face. The leader told me that this particular girl will be lucky if she makes it through the next two weeks. To see her so full of joy in this particular moment and to think of the fun that she had all week long made me so thankful to have been a part of this amazing organization.

Please continue to pray for healing for these kids. Pray for protection as they go back home/the hospital (since some literally came straight from the hospital and will be going straight back to the hospital tomorrow) tomorrow. And pray that we will continue to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living!!!

Dream Street

I am so excited to write this post and tell you all of the amazing opportunity I am given this coming week. Next week we do not have program camp but will have a guest group coming (/some are already here) called Dream Street (click on Kids Camp and watch the video... it's awesome!). They are a nonprofit organization that organizes camps for terminally ill kids in order to make their dreams come true. As I write this, some of their volunteers are transforming camp into a Dream center for about 100 campers ages 4-14 who will be arriving tomorrow for what we hope to be the best week of their lives. They are bringing in so much stuff, from 10 tons of snow to a ferris wheel, petting zoo, bouncy houses and so much more.

In addition to this being the best week of these kid's lives, there is a high possibility that this could be the last week of their lives. They have had campers die at camp which is something I am trying to prepare myself for. But I am so encouraged to know that God is so much bigger then these kid's illnesses and could at any moment heal each and every one of these campers.

Please pray for these kids who are coming. Pray for safety and protection for each and every kid this week. And pray for healing for these kids. Most of them have been given a death sentence with their diagnoses, but God is the ultimate healer and is bigger then those diagnoses. Pray that this can be the best week of these kid's lives. And pray that they will come to know Christ through their week here.

Also pray for our staff. Pray that we will not get in the way of what God has in store for these kids this week. This is not a Christian camp so pray that we will be examples of Christ's love to each and every person, kids and volunteers alike, we encounter this week. Pray that God's love will come pouring out of us this week. Pray for strength and courage as we encounter some very sick children.

And finally please pray for me. Pray that God will keep my emotions in check (especially around our campers). Pray that I will be filled with Joy this week as I will be witnessing so much sadness. Pray that no matter what happens this week, I will be able to say Blessed be Your name! I am terrified about this week, but at the same time I am so excited!!! I really do think that this could be one of the best weeks of my life and it is all for the Glory of God! Most importantly please pray that God will be glorified in every aspect of this week!

To God be the Glory! Forever and Ever! Amen!

A Pixilated Life

Our first week of program camp is now over and I am so excited for the rest of the summer. This last week ran so smoothly and God was absolutely present and moving in the lives of our students, youth leaders, and staff this week.

Our theme this summer is "A Pixilated Life." We are looking at the life of David and how twice in the Bible, we are told that he was a "Man after God's own heart" yet if we zoom in at the pixels that make up the BIG story of his life, we see that there are some very dark pixels in his life. We are looking at David the poet, David the musician, David the warrior, David the adulterer, David the liar, David the murderer... All sides of David, and yet he can be called a man after God's own heart because God has used those dark and light pixels to create a beautiful story of David's life that is still just a small part of God's BIG picture. We are also turning that around and talking about how we are also a part of God's BIG picture. That all of our own dark and light pixels that make up the story of our lives are a part of God's BIGGER picture. It is a really cool theme that applies so well to the lives of our students, leaders, and staff.

Like I said, the first week of program went so well and it's mainly due to the amazing staff that we have again this year. True, a lot of our staff are returning from last year (about 70% of our staff are returners), but our staff has just done a really good job of being energetic and helpful. They also are great at keeping an eye out for each other and giving support when others are feeling weak. Being a part of a community like this is such a blessing and really reminds me of what the early Church looked like. I am so excited to see what God has planned for us the rest of this summer!

Great news people!!! I got my grades back for this semester:

- Capstone Project: A
- Math for Elem Teachers: A
- Math for Secondary Teachers: A
- Music in History: B
- Political Sociology: B+ (this one was very surprising... All I can say is PTL for the curve)
- Social Psychology: C (kinda bummed about this one but I did awful on all of the quizzes and those where worth 55% of the grade...)

I also heard back from CSUCI and it looks like after next semester I will indeed be a college graduate! Praise the Lord!

Summer is quickly approaching and in an effort to not slack off too much with my blog, I decided to set up my mobil blogging... So get ready for some short blogs...
In other news, Yesterday was Grandma's birthday. Nae made a cake... Tuesday I move into camp and start a 12 day straight work week (don't worry, I get breaks... And half days off...). 

Happy Mother's Day

So it's a day late... Who cares?

Yesterday was mother's day and for all of you mom's out there, I hope that you felt loved and appreciated yesterday. Yesterday I had the unique opportunity to not only spend Mother's day with my wonderful mommy, but also with both of my Grandmothers. Granted, one of them doesn't celebrate holidays (J.W.) and the other has Alzheimer's, but I still felt blessed to be around three amazing women who have made me who I am today.

Graduation

Nope. Not me... tricked you!

My little sister Sarah is graduating from college/Nursing School on Monday. She has turned in her final papers and is quickly entering a new stage in her life. I couldn't be happier for her.

At the same time, it's embarrassing to say, yeah my little sister is graduating next week. I feel like the biggest slacker alive for still having another semester ahead of me (which I know that I have been a slacker... I had a solid year or two of being a slacker, which is why she is graduating before me...). I can't help but think how confusing it will be when all of our family and friends get my graduation announcements 6 months after they got Sarah's. I know this seems petty but I am jealous. Maybe it's the fact that I still haven't heard back on my grad check yet to find out if I actually can be done next semester or not... Maybe it's just a little bit of that feeling of 'I'm the older sister so I should accomplish everything I want before my younger sisters'...

Whatever the case may be, Sarah Belle, I am so incredibly proud of you and what you have accomplished. You have worked so hard and have been through so much. You deserve every bit of joy and recognition for what you have accomplished. I love you very much and can't wait to see how God will use you and your gifts in your life!

Bad Tutor

Yesterday I got called a Bad Tutor...

So here's what happened. I was working in the tutoring center with a girl on some Pre-Calc. There were three other girls working with another tutor on the same subject so I offered for one or two of them to come over and work with us if the other tutor was too busy. The first girl I was helping was great; model student, super nice, asked questions, desired to learn the concepts instead of just getting it done, took directions well (she even emailed me later thanking me for my help and asked if I would tutor her privately for her test coming up)... We finished up and she left so two of the girls from the other group came over. One was good; nice, kinda quiet, definitely just was looking to get the work done instead of understanding the whole concept, but was polite and listened. The other girl was pretty awful; rude, only wanted me to do the problems and give them the answers, impatient, extremely sarcastic (I mean, I get sarcasm... at times I am guilty of some sarcasm... But you know those people who just take it too far? They are so sarcastic that anything out of their mouth is just mean even if it's not true?).

I was getting pretty fed up with this kid (I say kid because she was acting like a kid... maybe 19) by the time we got to the last problem. Without going to much into the mathematics of what we were trying to do, the question wanted us to use a theorem (that I have never seen before... it happens pretty often where something pops up that I have never seen but I usually can read the book a little and find an example and explain it in ways other can understand) to find an exact value of a complex, un-real number. I found an example and followed it but ran into a problem which ended up requiring us to approximate a number to find an exact value (if that's confusing to you, that's because it is... In math we like exact values because they are complete; no information gets lost along the way. As soon as you approximate, you loose information... So to approximate something in order to find an exact values is counter-intuitive and far beyond what you should be doing in Pre-Calc). The girl was so impatient through this whole thing, saying things like "maybe you should ask another tutor... I hear that's what you guys are supposed to do..." and "What's your name? I'm taking names." I did ask another tutor who ran into the same problem so we asked our boss (who runs the tutoring center and just gave her thesis talk or something on some math topic... basically, she's smart and knows her stuff). She went through the exact same process I did and got the exact same result. We gave them some other problems to try that would give them nice answers that they could apply the theorem to and called it a day. By that time, I was off duty and started to pack up my stuff. While I was packing up, the girl, talking to her friends, said, "It's fine, my teacher will just say I had a 'bad tutor' again." I couldn't hold it in any longer so I replied, "Thank you! That's really encouraging. I am glad we could help. You actually can tell you teacher that the person who runs the center helped you with that problem and got the same result."

So really, she didn't call me a bad tutor directly, but implied that someone (her teacher I guess... but I have doubts that any teacher would say that which makes me think it is just her... but I could be wrong) said myself and anyone else who has helped her before in the center were "bad tutors." I talked to my boss about it today and she said that she has had issues with this particular student before and has had to ask her to leave, which makes me feel a little better. Not that I am taking anything that she said seriously because she seemed like a really unhappy person who thinks the world should bow at her feet. Still, it was an interesting way to start out the week.

Re-Post

I must confess, I didn't write this... I read it on someone else's blog. But I like what she is adding to the conversation...

“10 years, 2 wars, 919,967 deaths, & $1,188,263,000,000 later, we managed to kill one person.” //Anonymous

“Justice has been done.” //President Obama

“America has sent an unmistakeable message…justice will be done.” //President George W. Bush

“We’ve poisoned the word justice with our illusory patriotism.” //Kourtney Jackson

This monumental event is the shot heard round the world. This is a proverbial tsunami sweeping across the United States. Lots of opinions have been stated. We as Americans pledge, “…liberty and justice for all.” But at what cost? Does justice condone the countless lives lost for the sake of the “war on terrorism”? Does justice demand retribution and vengeance? Are we, as humans and children of God, to seek justice?

There are lots of thoughts swimming around in not only my head, but many other people’s brains too. If anything I ask that we, as Christians, would be diligent in prayer. As Americans we should not wave our flags at Muslims, Al Qaeda, or any other country for that matter. God did not send his son just for America. God did not send his son to take on the sins of every single human being in the world solely for America’s gain. We have been shown mercy through the act of what Christ did for us on the cross. We should extend mercy to those that oppose us, those that persecute us, and those that send orders to kill thousands of people’s lives. The Bible tell us to, ” love your enemies. Pray for those who hurt you.” That’s pretty counterculture, eh? I’m not sure many Americans are quick to look up this verse found in Matthew chapter five.

I know what it’s like to lose someone to the “war on terror”. I know what it’s like to pray that my step brother who is in the Marines will make it home safely from being in Afghanistan. There is pain, grief, and much loss because of 9/11. We all feel it. We know the haunting feeling that occurs every September 11.

We, as Christians, need to pray for members of the Bin Laden family, Al Qaeda, and terrorists. Why? Because Christ tells us to. In fact, he doesn’t say it’s just an option if you want to possibly pray for your enemies, he implores us to pray for them. This is the same man who died for corrupt political leaders, terrorists, you, and me. We should seek to be more like Christ in our speech. We should not be quick to praise America’s so called act of justice. I ask you to think. To reflect. To pray.

Above all, “But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without hoping to get anything back. Then you will have a great reward, and you will be children of the Most High God, because he is kind even to people who are ungrateful and full of sin. Show mercy, just as your Father shows mercy. ” (Luke chapter)

America, please have mercy

Regret

I just registered for my last semester of my Undergraduate degree at CSUCI and I have to say, I feel pretty good about it. As of right now (still waiting to hear back on my graduation application), I am taking 4 classes; one online, two are only one day a week, and the fourth is two days a week. Meaning I will only have to be at school two days a week. It's a dream schedule and I am really praying that it works out.

Right now I am feeling pretty good, but a couple of weeks ago, I was starting to feel a bit of regret in regards to my degree. Switching majors and schools was a big mess for me and I made the difficult decision to not pursue a math degree with, what I feel, was not a whole lot of information or knowledge of what I was capable of. My friend keeps asking my why I am not a Math major and I keep telling him its because I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in school. I needed to see an end to this. I needed to move on with my life. But it wasn't until he told me "You should have been a Math Major" that I started to feel some regret about my decision. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be done (almost). I am happy to be moving onto the next step. I am happy in the path I am taking. But there is that little voice in my head now saying "You should have been a Math Major." I know it's a normal voice. I am sure many people hear the same voice as they come to the end of their schooling. But there it is... The little voice inside my head...

Two Month Preview

Fri - April 22: Engagement Party (no not mine... duh!)

Sun - April 24: Easter Sunrise (not the same ol' BS)

Mon - April 25: Register for, what I hope, is my last semester of my undergrad

Mon - May 2: Music in History Term Paper Due

Sat - May 7: CSET Math (or at least a part of it since I can't afford to take the whole test...)

Mon - May 9: Political Sociology Term Paper Due & Sarah's Nursing School Graduation

Wed-Fri - May 11-13: EXPED

Wed - May 11: Capstone Presentation

Mon-Thur - May 16-19: Finals

Tues - May 17: Social Psychology Term Paper Due

Fri-Sun - May 20-21: Host

Wed-Fri - May 25-27: EXPED

Sat - May 28: Villanova Graduation

Sat-Wed - May 28- June 1: Host

Wed-Fri - June 1-3: EXPED

Fri-Sun - June 3-5: Host

Wed - June 8: Summer Staff Begins...

Maybe feeling a little overwhelmed...

No, No... It's Fine

No, no... It's fine... A girl brought her dog to class yesterday. A little yappy thing with lots of hair. Carried it in a Trader Joe's bag. Made a little seat/bed for it in the chair next to her. The professor didn't care. He thought it was cute... It did try to attack him towards the end of class though which was pretty funny...

Where is the funniest place you have ever seen someone bring their little dog? (not an assistance dog... a little one that fits in a bag...)

Superiority...

Yesterday in class a girl got up and started talking about a Human Trafficking event that is happening at my school in a week or so. She stood up there talking about for a little while and all I could think about was how much information she was getting wrong and how poor of a job she was doing and inviting people to this event. I felt superior to her for knowing more about it and for having known about it for several years. I felt this way for most of her presentation (which ended with an invitation to an Invisible Children event on campus which was sparked a whole nother set of feelings of "yeah, old news... Trendy issue...") and then had to take a step back and ask myself "What in the world are you thinking? Yeah, Human Trafficking is something you were really passionate and concerned about years ago, but that drive has faded. What are you doing to help the cause? Maybe this isn't new news but it's not old news. This is current news. This is something that was not only a problem 5 years ago but it was a problem 50 years ago and it's a problem now. Today. And she is doing something about it. Why aren't you?"

Sometimes I catch myself feeling superior to others. The only thing I can think to do is take a step back and knock myself down a few pegs before someone else does... It doesn't matter how many people show up for the event. The truth is she is bettering God's Kingdom here and now. And it makes me think... What am I doing?

Buy You A Drink...

So I don't really do the "bar scene" but I go to bars when the band is playing (and I'm not working) to sell merch, do sound, and just kinda help out. So I've been to my share of bars recently and tonight was the first time that someone offered to buy me a drink...

No, no... It wasn't a romantic, gross, "I'm trying to pick you up" kind of offer. I was chatting with this guy about the band (cause I was doing sound) and he offered to buy me a drink. I was sort of caught off guard by that proposal and didn't really know how to respond. What are you supposed to do when someone offers to buy you a drink? I mean, in one sense, at the time, I was sort of representing the band to someone who was interested in knowing more about the band and turning him down might reflect poorly on the band. On the other hand, I am my own person and not a part of the band and if I don't want a drink I can politely and respectfully say "No thank you." What would you do if someone offered to buy you a drink?

I took the drink.

What Is It?

"What is it that when you do it, you lose track of time because you get lost in it? What do you do that makes you think, "I could do this forever"? What is it that makes you think, "I was made for this"?

Something I have been thinking a lot about lately... Any thoughts?

Spring Break!

I think this is the first Spring break in my 6 year college experience that I actually did something fun...

Spring Break started a little early for me (last Thursday to be exact) when I took the day off school to go buy myself a new Iphone 4. It's something I've been holding off on for awhile, but I am so happy with it. I've had it for a little more then a week and I am already convinced that it has changed my life!

Friday was a late night with the Emy Reynolds Band at Billy O's in Ventura. I was helping out with sound and merch for their 10 pm show that started around 12am... Despite it being a late night (got home maybe around 2:30am), the show was great and the audience was awesome! I can't wait for the girls to play another show at Billy O's!

Saturday was a long but fun day. 9 am Holly and I headed down to Santa Clarita for one of our favorite youth pastors going away party. It was a day full of lots of people coming and going but also a day of reconnecting with some old friends and looking towards the future. We ended up leaving SC around 9pm and getting back to Ojai around 10ish.

Sunday was a much needed day of rest beginning with church and a little afternoon nap. Holly and I had planned to go up to Templeton to visit another youth group from summer, but due to the overabundance of dumping rain, we decided against the 3+ hour drive (6+ hours driving round trip) to and from Templeton on a Sunday afternoon... Instead we joined our church family for a little bit of community time at the Wreck Room in Ojai.

Monday was the start of a very fun, two day trip to San Diego. I hadn't been to San Diego in several years and was excited to visit my friend Lo and see another one of our churches from summer. Holly and I had planned to leave at 9 am, but we pushed it back to 10 am so we could both take a much needed cat nap. The drive was smooth and easy. We made one stop in San Clemente to visit the Rainbow Outlet and grab some lunch which quickly turned into a 1 and a half hour stop (I blame the Rainbow store... we could have stayed there for hours!). By the time we made it to SD, it was just about time to pick Lo up from school. We made a quick stop while we waited to get some coffee and walk around Ross. After picking up Lo, we drove her home and sat and visited with Jenny (Lo's mom and an incredible woman of God!) for a bit before heading over to one of RBCPC's youth leader's house for dinner. We ended up staying and watching Dancing with the Stars before heading back to Lo's house for the night. We stayed up late chatting with Jenny but finally decided to head to bed a little after midnight.

Tuesday morning was a little bit of a sleep in day (for me, sleeping in means lying in bed, completely awake, but not getting up out of complete laziness). Lo headed off to school while Holly and I stayed and had breakfast with Jenny. Jenny poured into us that morning for a couple of hours about life, love, work, marriage, and family before heading off to work at the Zoo selling hot dogs and beer. What an inspirational woman! I could honestly sit and listen to her for hours (which we kinda did...). After that Holly and I made a quick run to Target before picking Lo up from school and heading over to hang out with some RBCPC peeps. The staff were having a lunch meeting when we showed up so we sat and chatted for a bit before grabbing some lunch ourselves. After lunch we went on an adventure to find some thrift stores. We were in charge of the game for youth group and decided to play 'Baby on a Rope' (picture 'Skip It' but with lots of people in a circle jumping over a Baby Doll tied to the end of a long rope that's being swung around and around...) so we had to find a baby doll and some rope. All I can say is thank God for the Iphone. It made finding the Thrift store so easy and completely headache free! It turns out that a couple miles up the street from the church were a whole cluster of Thrift stores (including one owned and operated by RBCPC, which I thought was pretty cool for a church to operate something like that...). We eventually found a Baby and some rope and headed back to the church. We hung out for a few hours with the staff (practicing Baby on a Rope, sliding down their newly built, indoor half-pipe, and a little bit of grocery shopping for one of the other games) before the kids arrived. Quickly the room filled up with Jr. High students and even broke the room capacity (capacity was 97 and there were 98 people including adults and students... I was put on counting the people in the room...). Youth Group went really well and really made me miss helping out at our own youth group and hanging out with Jr High and High School students. After youth group ended we took Lo home and hoped in the camp van to head back to Ojai at 10:40 pm. Despite a quick stop at In N Out on the way home, we managed to make it back to Ojai by 1:40 am (that's right... 3 hour from SD to Ojai and I wasn't even driving that fast... Gotta love that late night driving!) thus ending my fun Spring Break adventures.

The next couple of days were filled with classroom observations, naps, and gym visits. This week was just the break I needed to fill me up and re-energize me for the weeks/months to come. It's crazy how God can take a busy week of late nights, driving, and running around to rejuvenate you and excite you about the future. After this, things are going to start to get pretty busy, but I am very excited to see what God has in store for me.

Long Time Traveller

I have a new obsession. I hate calling them obsessions, but what else do you call it when you repeat a song 10 times just to focus on a new part and hear the intricacies of perfect harmony? Maybe a love. I have a new love. All I can say is this song better be sung at my funeral!

The Wailin' Jennys are rather remarkable. Their lyrics and harmonies warm my sole and bring joy to my heart! I haven't gotten this excited about a band/group/musician in a long time! What a great feeling!

Long Time Traveller (Traditional)

Ye fleeting charms of earth

Farewell, your springs of joy are dry

My soul now seeks another home

A brighter world on high

I'm a long time travelling here below

I'm a long time travelling away from home

I'm a long time travelling here below

To lay this body down

Farewell kind friends whose tender care

Has long engaged my love

Your fond embrace I now exchange

For better friends above

I'm a long time travelling here below

I'm a long time travelling away from home

I'm a long time travelling here below

To lay this body down

Feeling the Love

Have you ever gotten a great hug?

A hug where someone holds you tight and doesn't let go?

Not in a creepy, trying to be awkward way. And not in a romantic way either. But in a, I haven't seen you in a long time and I have missed you kind of way. I'm not talking about the, I'm so excited to see you so we are going to sway here hugging each other kind of hug either. It's the I love and care about you, friend hug, where you just stand there holding onto each other for awhile. I know it's not very descriptive (or maybe it's too descriptive), but I got one of those hugs today, and while I wanted to pull away (because that is our natural response right? To pull away after a quick pat on the back hug...) I couldn't. I was blown away by the amount of love that I felt from that single hug.

I wish I could get more hugs like that.

Confession

I have a confession to make... Today I was listening to my ipod on shuffle (as I usually do... Too many songs to just focus on one or two playlists so I play it on shuffle to get the best random sampling of my favorite songs.) when a Christmas song came on... Rather then skip it as I normally do, I let it play through... Not only did I let to play through, I pushed repeat to listen to it again. What can I say? I am a sucker for great lyrics and a key that I can sing in...

O Holy Night

O Holy night, the stars are brightly shining.
It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! Oh hear the angel voices!
Oh night divine! Oh night when Christ was born!
Oh night divine! Oh night! Oh night divine!

Truly He taught us to love one another;

His law is love and His Gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother

And in His Name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

Let all within us praise His holy Name!

Christ is the Lord. Oh praise his name forever!

Oh night divine, Oh night when Christ was born!

Oh night divine, Oh holy night, Oh night divine!

Another One Bites the Dust...

Well, it's kinda a funny (long) story, but we have been having some problems with Raccoons these last few weeks. They have already eaten 7 of our chickens by means of breaking through the coop windows and roof. Last night we (my dad, mom, nae, and I) embarked on a little operation destroy the raccoons... We found them underneath the coop and attempted to get rid of them by means of which I would rather not discuss in a public forum. The sneaky little buggers wouldn't budge despite kicking the walls, shaking the coop, poking and prodding... We eventually had to forfeit for the evening and put our remaining 5 chickens in our dog crate and bird cage to try and keep them safe over night.

Not only are the raccoons a danger to our poor dumb chickens, they seem to have become a threat to our dogs as well. Yesterday morning I walked out of my room to find Mika hopping around the back yard. My mom and I brought her in and tried to take a look at her foot that she seemed to be avoiding but all we could really see was some irritation and swelling. We had a similar situation last November when Toby hurt his foot in the backyard, but his was obviously a problem because he was bleeding everywhere. Since Mika wasn't bleeding, we decided to bandage her foot up in an attempt to get her to stop licking it to try and get the swelling to go down. Later that evening we took another look at her foot and saw that the pad of her foot and one of her digits were severely severed and would definitely need stitches. After going through the whole thing with Toby and his foot, let's just say we were less then thrilled at the thought of having to do it again with Mika... We are also more motivated then ever to get rid of those stupid raccoons by any means necessary...

Engaged - Incomplete

Friday night I got a text from my very good friend, Pam: "I'M ENGAGED!!!! :-)" She (and I) knew it would happen sometime this year, but she (we) was so surprised by this proposal. Alex flew out to Boston to surprise her and successfully came back engaged. They are a wonderful couple with God at the very center of their relationship. I love them both so much and I couldn't be happier for them.

Despite an overabundance of joy for my friends, I must confess that I did have to fight some feelings of being inadequate and incomplete in my singleness. I know these thoughts are lies; I have been made complete by Jesus' sacrifice on the Cross and I am accepted and loved by God (which I had to continually remind myself of this weekend). Nevertheless, these horrible thoughts entered my mind and I have been struggling to overcome them. It doesn't help that the world and everything around me tells me that I am incomplete as a single woman. But I am pushing through it and am trying to focus on the great things that God is doing around and through me; not to mention how happy I am for the soon to be Pam and Alex Vaughn.

Ring Around The Rosey

Life is in full swing right now and I don't really know where the time has gone... It's almost March and it's almost time for Spring Breaks... School has been going well so far. It's interesting shifting from taking pretty heavy Math loads to taking heavy everything else loads. Studying and learning stuff for Math classes is a totally different process for me then studying and learning stuff for any other class. It is nice to be tutoring though and keeping up with my upper division math memory. I do like my classes and I am looking forward to start doing my classroom observation hours (which I will start next week and try to complete within a span of about 3-4 weeks...).

When I am not at school, I have been doing a lot of babysitting which is a little surprising. The last two weeks in a row, I have spent the day with my 9 month old cousin Noah while his parents were at work. He's super cute and a fun age to play with.

I have also been watching my cousin's 3 month old baby Hailey. It's fun to see how much a couple of months can make in an infant. Hailey is at that stage where all she does is eat, sleep, smile, and then sleep some more.

But she is too cute so I can't really complain. Monday my parents were watching Hailey and her older brother Jameson so I took off school early to go hang out with them as well. Jameson LOVES his Uncle David so much and follows him around everywhere.

Whatever Uncle David does, he does. Whatever Uncle David eats, he wants to eat...

By the end of the day they both were so tired, they passed out on the floor. The kid is just too cute and it makes me very excited to see my parents as grandparents (excited... but I'm in no rush...)

It's been a fun break from school and work and I hope to have the opportunity to continue watching these kids.

Applied

Well, it's been awhile since I have updated this here blog of mine. I guess I've just been preoccupied with the new semester and trying to figure out all of my observation stuff (or I just haven't really had anything interesting to say...).

I had to take a minute though to let everyone know that yesterday I turned in my application to graduate Fall 2011. I am very excited at the prospect of finally graduating and am praying that there are no surprises in the courses that I think I have to take next semester.

As far as this semester goes, I am settling in nicely. 18 units is kinda a lot and I have kinda had a rough time getting myself motivated to do stuff (standard), but it's week 4 and it's time to get my butt in gear. After all, I'll be graduating soon...

Snow Day

How did I welcome in the New Year, you ask? Hanging out with my good buddies Grace, Beau, and Milo... Yes, they are animals. I was house-sitting and under the weather so I went to bed early. The New year is going well though and I am very excited about the things that are on the agenda for this year.

First: I am committed and prayerfully looking forward to another summer at Forest Home Ojai Valley. God has blessed me so much with the amazing opportunity to continue working there these last few months and I can't wait to see what He has in store for me through guest groups and summer program.

Second: I have two semesters left before getting my Bachelors. There have been many times in the last several years that I thought this would never happen, but to actually know that (if everything goes well) at the end of this year, I will be a college graduate.

Third: I need to start preparing for my CSET Math exam which I am looking to take in March. If that goes well, then I will be applying to a Credential program for next Spring.

I know it doesn't look like much, but this is kinda a big year for me. I am so thankful for getting to this point and I am very much looking forward to what God has in store for me this year...

To start, I am getting ready to head up to Mill Creek for a little Rec staff bonding time! I can't wait! Time for some snow!!!